You are here

Father’s Day

Iamwoman's picture

It's here again steppers! Father's Day.

My skids have never once recognized DH on Father's Day in 9 years.

This year though, the Maggot wants to move 2 more hours away so she live with her brother (like the elderly couple in 8 Crazy Nights). He somehow scammed his way into a large house one block from the beach, and skids are excited. Who cares if it's in a drug infested town, right?

So Maggot already forced skids to actually recognize DH's birthday for the first time in history.

Now she wants DH to take skids on Father's Day (which usually falls on his EOW, but this year did not).

He asked my opinion, and I told him that if he is going to court soon, he knows our attorney would tell him to take all of his visitation. So he asked again if he should take them, and I said "probably."

So now, on our weekend off, he is picking up skids at 7am and dropping them off at 7pm. His exchange always involves a 40 minute drive each way. Whatever. His deal, not mine,

My question is this: Since DH didn't really want to take skids on Father's Day in the first place (I'm the one who said "probably"), should I stick around and keep him company while they hover around him like strange little zombies and pretend to love him just so they can move to a beach house in drug town?

What I am really thinking of doing is leaving for the day. I'm not sure if I want to go shopping, go to the beach, or just hang out at my parents house (they are out of state and I've been caring for their house biweekly). My issue is that I sort of feel like I'm the one who told him to take visitation on Father's Day, and now I want to bail on him.

Thoughts?

Comments

Gimlet's picture

Your husband is a grown man who is capable of saying no if he wants.  You gave him logical advice based on what you believe to be in the best interest of his goals.  This really isn't a decision he should put on you.

Does he need you there as a buffer?  I think it's perfectly normal and OK for him to spend Father's Day with his own kids.  If my husband's kids ever made an effort with him, I would gladly step away to let them spend time together, both for my husband's sake and my own.   DD being home this year is unusual.  Last year I got him a cat dad mug  and made him a nice dinner the night after the crappy in-law cookout because I knew his kids would do nothing.

Iamwoman's picture

Thanks Gimlet - I am very tired of the drama.

My bio is the only one who has ever gotten DH a Father's Day gift.

I think partly what is annoying me right now too, is that DH has been texting with OSS15 lately and trying to hide it from me for some reason.

OSS15 has been the most damaging skid. He has damaged property, DD's artwork, and more. He is Maggot's little spy.

But OSS15 likes being a know-it-all about cars, and DH is a car genius both mentally and physically, so DH is willing to eat up attention from OSS and disregard the entire past to bond over car-talk.

It just irks me, because OSS15 is a blatant misogynist, has caused epic amounts of drama and damage, and now that he "talks cars" DH is all over it.

 

tog redux's picture

Ugh. My SS20 hasn't done anything for Father's Day in 6 years, and prior to that, when he was visiting, it was a lame effort unless I helped him out.

If I were you, I'd probably be around for some of it, but gone for most of it. Maybe he should just agree to her moving them away and not bother with court?

Iamwoman's picture

He is with you on that one, except he does have to bother with court.

He has to make sure she doesn't change the schedule, go for more CS, or change the part of his CS order wherein she gets zero CS when OSS15 turns 18 (we had custody for just shy of a year back in 2012, and Maggot still collected CS from DH during that time - courts told her to pay him back and she cried poverty so courts told her she gets no CS for 6 months down the road - which is 2 months less than what she owes DH).

Maggot has been trying to move to NY for several years now, so she can collect CS for YSS11 until 21 instead of 18.

So DH plans on stipulating her request to move by ensuring that she can never request another change to the paperwork again. He has to protect himself, because when he escaped her, her final words to him were "I'm going to make you pay me for the rest of your life." ...and she has certainly tried.

tog redux's picture

Well ... DH had that in his order, and the NY courts overturned it. If she does move to NY they will likely grant CS until 21 regardless of what's in the agreed-upon order, unfortunately.

Worth trying, though, I guess.

Iamwoman's picture

Thank you for bit of info - that is a gem that will help us with future decisions.

I'm sorry your DH got screwed so badly.

susanm's picture

You gave him obviously solid advice.  If he is going to court soon, he would look pretty bad if he did not want them on Father's Day.  But that does not change the fact that they are his kids.  If spending 12 hours alone with them is even a question then why is he going to court anyway?  What is the point?  

Iamwoman's picture

Yes, we are tired of fighting for kids who don't care about him anyway.

The reasons for going to court are in my reply to Tog.

I'm with you guys, but he has to protect his assets and all that we've worked for.

Maggot is and has always been all about money.

halo1998's picture

and go to the beach but I know that I would stay and try to make it as pleasent as possible.  PLus, I like to see the show so to speak and silently smh and laugh internaly at the obviousness of their actions. However, I can find humor in just about anything really...so there is that.  

Otherwise, I would head to beach....(why o why do I live in the midwest...I really need to relocate to the beach)

Iamwoman's picture

Yes you can Halo! Your stories are epic.

I used to be able to laugh at it all, but I might be worn down by the non-stop drama.

DH tends to overreact to all things skid and Maggot related. His knee jerk 0-60mph mood changes when Maggot or skids do ANYTHING has worn on me over time.

I like peacefulness in my life and tend to downplay and laugh at other people's drama as you do, but everytime I do, DH fails to see the humor and just becomes dramatic himself. He thinks he is "being funny too" but he is far from funny most of the time. Ugh.

He is my bestie and we all have a few flaws. He has agreed to seek help for his visceral reactions to things, but so far has done exactly nothing to this agreement for nearly a year now. I find myself either pulling away when he gets dramatic or flying off the handle in an attempt to shut him down and make him think twice before he brings his drama to me. Meh. He has always been good at self-reflection and change, so I'm sure he will get help eventually... he just takes longer than I would.

advice.only2's picture

Why should you feel guilty? If DH didn't want his children on Father's Day then he needs to learn to use his words and say so. Sounds like he needs to put on his big boy panties and man up, if he was man enough to produce, he can be man enough to spend a couple of hours with those kids he helped produce.

Iamwoman's picture

I agree with all points, but him being man enough to produce.

Always there is someone who will argue with this, but I've remained staunch in my position that DH was tricked into "producing."

Maggot told him she was in BC when she was not. He never wanted kids. She did. 
It's complicated.

Could he have also used his own BC during his 9 years of a previous life? Yes. But also, marriage involves trust, and if you can't trust that your own spouse is telling you the truth, then the marriage is a sham. He didn't realize his marriage was a sham until it was too late. 
Why 2 kids? He believed the whore that kid 1 was a "miracle BC baby."

advice.only2's picture

I get it DH claims the same thing happened with Meth Mouth. Might be smart of your DH to teach his boys it's not just the woman's job to protect herself, they need to protect themselves every single time. That's what I taught my son.

halo1998's picture

Beaver was on BC and that it "failed" because she took antibiotics...she didnt KNOOOOOOWWW it would interfere.  DH didn't want kdis for at least 3 years but poof SS came about. 

SD was an oops baby too....and Beaver "forgot" her birth control when they went on vacation one time.

 

MMMHHH>>.right on both accounts.  If you believe that load of mularky I have land in the south I can sell you that is only "slightly" wet.

 

 

SeeYouNever's picture

We already have guilty divorced dad's, we don't need guilty stepmom's too. Do what you want that day, he doesn't need his hand held. You don't have to be gone all day but go for a while and say that you think they should have some quality time with just their dad.

Iamwoman's picture

Thank you. You're right. I have no reason to feel guilty.

I never signed up to be a psychologist or a buffer between anyone and their own blood children. <3

DPW's picture

Oh doll, this is so not about you feeling guilty or whatnot. This is about your DH adulting.

You enjoy your day how you see fit and don't factor in details that you don't need to own.