You are here

The audactity

Iamwoman's picture

It has been such a long time since I've posted anything about HCBM, but as HCBM's usually go, it never lasts, does it?

This time it's about trying to control how we parent skids when they are with us - specifically in the areas of diet and exercise - I'm sorry, I almost choked on those words, because.... THIS coming from a 350 lb.+ pill head HCBM just seems so crazy that I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it.

It's been a while since I've discussed skids here, so for background info:

HCBM is morbidly obese, and one of the laziest, most annoying people I have ever met. She believes that she shouldn't have to work, and that my DH is a horribly abusive person for divorcing her and thus forcing her to get a job. She has complained about having to work to anyone who will listen and usually that's no one because she tries to complain to women who have jobs, such as... OSS and YSS's school administrators, etc. She seems to think she was born to be some sort of "trophy wife," but with neither the looks, the measurements, or the charm to back it up. She is also Munchausen by Proxy and has attempted (unsuccessfully thanks to DH) for years to get one or both skids at various times on psycho-meds for whatever illness she is obsessing about now. She enjoys food (in excessively large quantities), couch surfing, making up dramatic stories and telling them on the phone to whomever will listen, and spending all of her CS on new clothes for herself.

OSS13 is skinny-fat. He was hard-core PAS'd by HCBM from a time before DH even left HCBM, and way before I ever even met him. One of the first things OSS(then 6) said to me was (through tears) "When my mom finds out I was at your house Iamwoman, she will NEVER let me come back here again!! Your house is so much fun, and I don't want to leave and go home." I had never even met the woman, but she PAS'd her son into a jittery, scared, neurotic mess. Nowadays, he is a know-it-all who has no idea just how PAS'd he actually is. He is so enmeshed with his mother, and blind to her destructive parenting style, that he vehemently defends her and lies to make his home life seem better than it is. He is a gamer, gets in trouble at school, and compulsively lies to the point where DH and I just smile and nod while he talks but don't believe a word he ever says.

YSS9 is obese. I met him when he was 2, almost 3, and he could not walk. His body felt like a squishy marshmallow. DH and I taught him how to walk, run, potty train, ride a bike, swim, his alphabet, early reading, colors, and many other things. HCBM strapped him to a highchair the first 2 years of his life while DH worked long arduous hours to support her massive over-spending problem (even though she sent them into debt anyway and destroyed his business), because she decided that YSS was "developmentally delayed" and "autistic" - none of which he was/is - he was simply neglected and abused. YSS9 loves the one he's with, and thus has fortunately had a natural resistance to HCBM's PAS efforts.

I have been an athlete my entire life, and my bachelor's degree required multiple courses in nutrition - a subject I've stayed up to date on. DH and I lift weights twice weekly, bike 1-2 times a week, run 3 times a week, and stay busy at home with projects. We keep an orderly, yet comfortable home. I cook delicious and nutritious meals (guests have commented that I should be a chef). We are in shape, healthy, and happy as we can be while dealing with all of the HCBM, HCBD, skid and kid crap.

So now HCBM sends DH an email announcing that she, her live-in BF, and skids have started the Paleo-diet "as a family" and that she is giving DH and I "notice" so that we can stock up on food items according to a list she sent in the email. She also decided that she is "concerned" about YSS9's weight (it's about time!!!), and that even though she thinks OSS13 is "healthy" (he's not healthy, he is skinny-fat, and eats like a bird but never exercises), that he has been doing the diet too. She stated that we need to keep them on this diet while they are at our house and to make sure they exercise daily.

Welllll guess what HCBM! ...You're a little late to the party.

DH and I have been concerned about YSS9's obesity for many years now - duh. When he lived with us for 8 months (before we sent the skids back to her because they were too PAS'd out and didn't like our rules, and were purposely making life hell), YSS9 was fit, strong, tan, and overall a healthy strapping young boy. Within 6 months of going back to live with HCBM, he was pale and overweight again - and now obese.

This woman has gone on and off more diets than I can count. What bothers me is that she EXPECTS us to cater to skids new Paleo-diet!

I'm sorry, but they just picked out new boxes of cereal last time they were here, and I'm not wasting that money. As for lunch, they have ALWAYS had the option of making whatever they want, but they both ALWAYS just make themselves Easy Mac for lunch. Dinner is on me, and always healthy and delicious, but I'm NOT going to turn myself into a bed and breakfast once again just to cater to HCBM's latest obsession.

She is so lazy, that I predict this diet won't even make it to the end of the summer, but certainly not into the school year, because that would mean she would have to make breakfasts and pack lunches for the boys, and I guarantee THAT won't happen. They'll be back to eating the cafeteria crap in no time flat.

As for exercise, we have two acres of land and the boys have bikes, ample room to run and play games, archery, etc. They can exercise if they are as into this "new lifestyle" as HCBM says they are, but I'm not giving up MY weekend (nor is DH) to become a PE coach to skids. EOW, skids come over here, and they CHOOSE to SIT in their ROOM ALL DAY LONG every. single time. DH and I don't make them.

We used to take all of our kids hiking, camping, etc., but DD15 outgrew those things and began complaining as most teen girls would, and the skids both complained and acted like unruly jerks most of the time and ruined everything anyway, so we stopped. However, DH and I NEVER stop our children from doing whatever they want at our house. Inside the house is quiet area - read, play board games, watch TV, etc. Outside the house is active area - play, run around, shout, make noise, go wild (just don't aim guns and arrows at a person) etc. They get to choose to be lazy or active, and they ALWAYS choose lazy.   ... not my fault!!

Although I'm happy that HCBM is making healthy changes (if only temporary) I'm still appalled at the gall of this woman, not only in implying that we aren't healthy at my home, but also in trying to dictate the sort of groceries I buy!

How would some of you handle this type of email?


MoominMama's picture

That's my vote. Just don't reply and don't change any eating habits at your house. She should not be putting children on these kind of lets say 'unusual' diets especially when she has no training in nutrition. Kids need protein, iron etc as well as veg and nuts and grains.

Like you said, it probably won't last. 

DaniellaR's picture

Kids need protein, iron etc as well as veg and nuts and grains.


You just partially described the Paleo diet. 

MoominMama's picture

Oh, I thought it was vegan raw food etc  I should have done some research. Anyway I don't think people should put kids on these sort of fads. Healthy foods, the old food triangle thing, without too many sugars and additives or processed foods. 

Sounds like those kids were eating crap and too much of it. 


Iamwoman's picture

Maybe it’s not the Paleo then. HCBM is not giving her kids any grains on this new diet.

Kids need grains. They are high energy consumers. Especially teens like OSS13!

RLZ0073's picture

No, grains were never part of most diets until modern civilization. Protein and vegetation was the standard diet from the time of the caveman. 

Grains are actually proven to cause inflammation!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Dear BM,

Cool story bro. 

With regards,

Iamwoman and DH

DaniellaR's picture

Paleo takes a LOT of effort. I see that lasting 3 days. I did the paleo diet for a while and health wise, I felt great but it is almost impossible to stay on when you work, have kids, school, etc. RIght now I do keto and dropped over 30lbs since March (and not a strict keto either). I doubt a 300lbs woman and her overweight spawn will actually do full Paleo. Just ask the kids what they are now eating, I bet none of it is paleo. It is actually extremely difficult to find unprocessed, no corn syrup, no sugar added foods. I doubt 300 lbs BM will stick to the vegetable and grass fed meat sections in the grocery story. Ignore the whore and keep doing what you want to do. 

thinkthrice's picture

But was on uber paleo for the first almost 3 months of my nutritionist's diet.  I did a 23 and me test and genetically I"m prone to gain and keep weight but I also have an "athletic" gene. 

witch.hazel's picture

People get PO'd when you ignore them, but really can't say you did anything wrong because they have no "nasty" words from you to repeat to anyone. It should be very frustrating to her....not that you should care. She has no right or reason to even suggest what you all feed the kids on your time, so don't even give her the time it takes to answer.

queensway's picture

Iamwoman, or should I say Saint Iamwoman you just keep doing what you are doing. You got this covered. BM doesn't. Her diet will not last long. The audacity is right. She should take care of her own home and not worry or suggest what you should do. Your eating habits are a lifestyle hers are a moment in time.Really this is laughable.

I love dogs's picture

BM here also thinks that our home is causing SD's "skinny fat" form. The truth is we never had SD enough before 50/50 to create the problem and BM was projecting. SD was always made to eat what we did and she mainly sticks to protein. BM's baby daddy actually cooks real food and that forced SD to try new things and I guess eating is a problem in their house. If SD doesn't like what we make, she can have cereal or yogurt. However, she always tries what we make and that hasn't happened yet. And SD also sits around all day gaming and eats like a bird, like your SS.

oneoffour's picture

My DDs STBX and his Marriage Wrecking Ball of a GF told DD that the 3 of them need to sit down and work out a good diet for her kids because GD is too skinny (Bitch, she isn't even his, He is her STBX stepfather and she doesn't go over there anyway) and GS is overweight. Well Duh! GD has Crohns and has trouble putting on weight. She is clinically underweight at 11yrs old. GS is tall for his age (6 and mistaken for 9 yrs old) and if you stopped feeling him crap stuff like hotdogs and white bread and let him outside to play he runs it off pretty quickly.

I told DD to ignore the text and you will do the same thing. No, you do not dictate what is consumed in my home as long as it is legal, She can just go ... well you know what.