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I was right, crap weekend

iamlosingit's picture

SO last Thursday DH was over an hour late coming home from dropping off SS because BM wanted to talk to DH about a "walk in" appointment for SS that Friday (non skid weekend).  SS and DH were at his grandparents for "game night" (4 hour visitation day) and SS complained to DH that his "tummy hurt" and had been hurting for over two weeks.  DH schedules time to talk to BM at drop off and spends a 1/2 hour talking to her about SS 'pains' and she tells him they can go to a walk-in appointment at 1 p.m the next day...  DH is concerned because SS usually doesn't come to him with these things, so "this time, it must be serious".  DH is on call for work.  He texts me to tell me he will keep me posted but not to expect him home at his usual time.

He leaves for work early to try and still get his 8 hours in since he will have to leave early to go pick up SS at school.  I got no updates all day, and he doesn't even get home until after 4 p.m...  Here's what he told me:

BM threw a fit because she claims DH told her to "stop bringing SS to the doctor"

what was actually said "call me before you schedule a dr appointment because we now owe over $1200 for multiple appointments to  freeze off a wart the size of a pencil tip that could've been treated with over the counter medication."

Turns out the clinic didn't have walk-in appointments so BM made the appointment for 2 p.m...  DH picked up SS from school and met BM at the doctors with SS.  He said all the doctors (new ones I guess) were surprised to see him because BM told them he didn't exist.  So it was nice DH was able to fill them in and talk to them.... and find out about the other 6 appointments for random crap that BM didn't tell him about that we don't have bills for yet.  FML.

BM shows up, they took a blood sample that took two tries because SS freaked out and jumped (wouldn't stop looking at needle even though DH was trying to distract him).  Took throat culture, vitals, etc.  Found out SS has been on glorified prescriptions for Benadryl and Maalox max that DH has been getting billed triple the amount for when you could just buy the same crap at a drug store for less.  Thanks BM. 

All the tests so far (I know strep takes a few days) came back negative and dr diagnosed SS with growing pains combined with gym class exercises = stomach wall tearing/pain.  Yay.  Now we get to wait for that bill in the mail.  Afterwards, DH decided to take SS out for ice cream.  BM asks to ride with (she took a bus to the doctor office).  DH agrees and they all go for ice cream.  Apparently BM sat in the back seat while SS rode in the front because "that's where SHE sits".  They got dairy queen and BM got mad when DH wouldn't pay for her but paid for SS then bought a to-go blizzard for me. (unexpected, he usually doesn't do that).  Now I'm actually having a hard time believing him because I saw a "buy one get one" blizzard deal on TV...so he might have paid for 2 (him and SS) and got mine and BM for free. Petty but oh well.

We ate a late dinner at about 730, did some quick grocery shopping for the coming week, and went to bed soon after because DH had to be at work the following day for daylight savings time reset crap.

DH left for work at 4:30 a.m... and returned home for a quick lunch and to inform me that his boss lied and he had to go back to supervise some on-site workers doing repairs on another part of the building.  He anticipated another 6 hours of work, which turned into a full 22 hour day: as soon as he got home at midnight to go to bed security called him again at 1:30 a.m... due to a water leak and electrical sensor going off.  He got home from fixing that fiasco around 5:30 a.m... (security kept adding 'to do items' to his list) and we had only been asleep for two more hours.....security called AGAIN to report something else about a badge sensor and a garage cage/security arm thing.  DH told her it would have to wait because he almost fell asleep at the wheel going home.   Needless to say I'm lucky to have had maybe a half day with DH all weekend because he slept past noon on Sunday.  Not pleased.  And now today is a visitation day again and so is this coming weekend.  On the plus side he talked to his boss about this weekends events and found out half of the items security was calling about should have waited until Monday.  They are going to schedule a sit-down meeting with all the on-call guys and security to set guidelines on what is actually considered an 'on call' emergency.  Being that DH makes $40+/hr for every "on call" hour, this company was bleeding money this weekend, and DH being fairly new to the "on call" thing didn't help because he didn't know he could say "no".  Too bad the IRS is going to take over half of the check.

Today is his last "on call" day of the month, then he is on call again on one of our two skid-free weekends next month.  Yay.

At least it's hard to be disappointed when you knew better than to have any expectations for the weekend anyway.

 

Comments

Truth97's picture

Are you a doormat? Stop acting like one.

iamlosingit's picture

BM doesn't have a license and nobody else was home yet, it's not like he can just drop off SS and tell her to take the bus..  I don't like her going anywhere with DH but he said the clinic is only a few blocks from BM house so he saved them both an extended bus ride.  She did thank him for driving them, normally she doesn't. Edit to add: one other thing...DH could have easily lied about the ice cream stop and told me the appointment ran a  little long.  Clinics are notorious for running behind and I would have been none the wiser.  As much as I don't like what he did, I appreciate the up-front honesty.  I would be even more mad if I found out after the fact and it looked like he was trying to hide it. 

Harry's picture

It is a big deal.  Going out with some one who he had a relationship with.  That stop for good when he got divorced 

tog redux's picture

I can see giving BM a ride home, but not to the ice cream place, nope.  Drop her off first.

iamlosingit's picture

The ice cream thing was irritating, the ride home not such a big deal given the short distance.  It wasn't his visitation day I'm sure that's why he didn't drop her off first but I don't think an 11 y/o requires "ice cream" after a blood draw.  Nice gesture if it's DH day but it wasn't, that's why I find it irritating.  Especially the "tag along".  Edit to add: keep in  mind if he didn't chose to tell me about the ice cream trip I would have never known.  Clinics are usually always behind when you have an afternoon appointment.  DH told me about it as soon as he walked through the door.  I don't like it, but I would be a lot more mad if I found out he hid that information.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Why do you even care that you didn't get to spend much time with your H this weekend? Why do you care about whatever the latest drama is concerning the circlejerk he has going with his ex? All that matters is he pays his FULL portion of your household bills and repays what he owes you.

You really need to adjust your thinking, pick a stance, and stick with it. I thought you had accepted that things are never going to get better with him and had a plan to save up to leave him?

Seriously. You need to focus on YOU, your health, and getting away from the low rent train wreck.. Next time he's on call, tell him to sleep in SS's room or on the couch. Your rest is especially important now since you're having health issues

iamlosingit's picture

Because like it or not we still live together and we are still married.  There still has to be some respect shown.  This move isn't going to be quick.  I'm going to be leaving this with nothing.  The bed and all our furniture was purchased by DH from his small inheritance money, all I have is an entertainment center and some baking items/kitchen gadgets.  All of our dishes were wedding gifts.  I am completely starting from scratch.  I don't even have a vehicle to take the camper anywhere or anywhere to store it.  This isn't going to be quick and painless.  Savings are on hold while I figure out how this health crap is going to play out.  I was very involved in my parents divorce and I saw all the mistakes my mom made.  Unlike her, I don't qualify for assistance so it is going to be a lot harder.  I can't rush this.  And yes, DH is an a$$hat but I still care about him.  I wish I didn't, but I have no family really so it's not easy to just "turn it off".

Maxwell09's picture

You know back in the beginning I thought being a "good" stepmom was accepting there will be times when DH and BM will have to do things together like DH giving BM a ride to the dr or something like that but then I realized that was me being naive and desperate to disolve conflict with BM at the cost of my own dignity. Ha! Nope. It's a boundaries game. And it's not even your boundaries--it's his! If HE doesn't realize he's crossed the boundaries by being playing family ice cream shop stop with BM, then you need re-evaluate your importance to him. He might say he cares...but does he care enough that he can use forethought to think "hmm my SO probably wouldn't like this, I shouldn't do it with BM" Ask him...if I went to the local grocery store and my ex needed a quick ride, would he be okay with you picking him up to take him and then also stopping for ice cream on the way? The whole argument "I share a kid with her" doesn't wash, comeback with "and I don't share a kid with him so you know it's not nearly as serious" so it's okay, right?!. Bet he says "No way".

shamds's picture

be in presence of exwife ever.

all the crap, trauma and psychoness she pulled over the past 2.5 decades made hubby want to avoid her like the plague... so i don’t ever see hubby trying to play happy family with exwife and kids going out for ice cream while current wife and their kids are home... 

he put his foot down with his 3 kids with ex demanding alone time always outside at a shopping mall where he wasted precious time on weekends with us when skids were perfectly capable of coming to our home to meet up so i don’t see him going out with exwife especially since she is married