So DH gets home with SS on Friday at about 445.....35 minutes later than he normally would.  He is just in.a.mood the second he came through the door, SS retreated to his room immediately seeing the storm brewing.  DH is going off on a yelling tangent about how "stupid BM doesn't drive so HE has to sit in traffic and it WASTED a half hour of visitation time" and he's "sick and tired of doing all the driving, from now on he is going to not follow the CO and is going to pick up SS from school at 3 on the weekends he has him." (this will not help anybody because this means DH will lose an hour of work to leave early so he can get SS)  This was also due to SS getting dropped off from the bus early one day and going into the house....DH was waiting at the bus stop at the usual time for over a half-hour before he realized the bus was possibly not coming and when he called BM to find out what was going on she reamed him saying he was "late".  SS knew it was a visitation day but when he didn't see DH at the bus stop, rather then go inside and keep watch for DH vehicle at the corner (like DH has told him to do repeatedly) he started playing on his tablet instead.  BM does not keep track of the schedule so instead of realizing the bus was early, she assumes DH is late and screams at him.

Anyway, so DH is throwing a mantrum and ranting about BM, slamming things around throwing ice cubes when his glass over-flowed, etc and I got sick of it (being in pain from procedure on Thurs didn't help my mood) and I whisper-yelled (so ss wouldn't hear me) that "it is stupid that you are getting so pissed off about this, you knew BM didn't drive when you met her and you still had a child with her, you can't be pissed off about something you were aware of from day one thinking it would change, she is not going to suddenly have an epiphany and get her license when you've always done all the driving since you met her" and " my god it's just a freaking half-hour, you have SS ALL WEEKEND, stop wasting time... if you are SO worried about 'time spent' and go spend time with your damn kid already instead of sitting here yelling about it".

Needless to say, this was not the right approach. 

This led to DH immediately lashing at me and saying "you're just jealous of my son" etc and it's "not my fault your 'vag' is 'broken'" (regarding my doctor appointment, not sure why that came up), "you need to see a therapist", etc.  I got mad about the 'broken vag' comment so I said "no WE need to see a 'therapist' because you have an unhealthy obsession with your son even though you have a LOT of time with him and I'm sick of it and I'm sick of being treated like an after-thought".

We are now not speaking.

I know I probably shouldn't have said those things, but the man has had the same visitation schedule with MORE time with his son for the last four years and he acts like it isn't enough.  I'm sick of being in second place.  No child should come before a marriage, it sets them up for failure because they will grow up thinking this behavior is "normal" and "the world revolves around them".

Visitation again tonight.  We'll see how this goes.