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WTF just happened?

I love dogs's picture

Today is DH's day off and we were just woken up by BM's call about SD arguing about going to sex ed today. I am so sick of BM's lack of parenting and involving DH in the most basic situations. DH even offered to keep SD last night and take her to school this morning but BM just had to have her home. There never would've been an argument if DH dropped SD off.

SD was literally on the phone crying to him that she "already knows everything and doesn't want to sit there for an hour". DH said first, she doesn't know everything, and second, tough luck, she needs to learn about her body and she won't be 12 forever, so she better learn to grow up! He then told her that since he's off today, he will go sit in the class with her if she won't be mature about it. She declined, of course.

BM needs to put her big girl panties on and be a parent! She can't call DH every time SD won't listen to her. BM and SD's conversation should've gone like this:

SD- I don't want to go to sex ed.

BM- Sorry, you are growing up and it's important to be informed about your body. If you have any questions, you can talk to me. Have a good day and I love you. *end of conversation and no more arguments*

This is the problem at BM's!! She has to argue with SD instead of being the parent and stepping the fack up! She wants to pop out kids, she needs to learn to be a parent and not cry to DH because she can't get her sh!t together!

ETA: SD was already hysterical when DH talked to her so that means BM had been arguing enough to have SD all riled up (instead of defusing the situation like a normal parent/ adult would).


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I wouldn't have even been that nice if I was BM. It would have just been "suck it up. You don't know everthing, you're goin. End of discussion."

I love dogs's picture

And this is why she and SD can't coexist together! Everything has to be an argument or a pissing contest and when BM can't win, she summons DH. Like, grow up, lady! You're 30-something and can't control a 12 year old? She could've avoided the whole situation if she'd just have let DH take SD to school like they wanted. She literally saw SD for 30 minutes last night before bed and she had insulted SD before she got home, so does she really think SD was happy to be home? I don't think so..

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Really sounds like BM never really grew up... Ugh, I'm sorry I love dogs. I HATE when BM tries to call about trivial stuff, makes me want to scream at her to go get her own husband and leave mine be. lol

I love dogs's picture

Plus we were trying to sleep in but now I'm wide awake! And you're damn right that BM never grew up. She still mentally lives in high school (or has resorted to being 12 years old like SD).

Does she realize that she looks like an idiot when she can't handle basic things like this?

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Well of course she doesn't! She probably thinks that if she plays victim everyone will feel bad for her... I mean she's not wrong... But I think it's more people feeling bad for her that she's such an idiot vs feeling bad cuz her life is so hard....

I love dogs's picture

But the thing is: it doesn't have to be hard! Be the parent and that's the beginning, middle, and end of it! Everyone is tired of feeling bad for BM, including her own parents. Everyone knows she created this problem by trying to play MOTY and keeping DH away and it is backfiring. Her inadequacies are pointed out at every call to DH, outlining her lack of being a parent all of these years.

CP was the title she wanted to prove that DH wasn't a good dad, but she didn't realize that it also came with the largest work load. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a major parenting fail.

TwoOfUs's picture

Your SD is 12 - is she trying to skip any other classes? Is she a good or bad student in general? 

I'm going to suggest something...make of it what you will. 

When I was 12 I developed much more quickly than my peers (was in a 34C and weighed less than 100 pounds...size 2) and sex ed was sheer torture for me. My classmates made rude drawings of me, we were doing that thing where you watch an egg for a week as if it's your kid and you do a household budget...and my partner asked the teacher if I could breastfeed the whole family to save us money...the guys in the class tried to touch me nearly constantly...

Say all this to say...I was mortified and didn't want to tell my parents what was happening. I did try to tell my (female) teacher, and she brushed it off as no big deal. Eventually, even though I was a good student, I started being really mean to my male classmates as a defense mechanism and/or skipping the class. My mom was brought in for a parent-teacher conference...but in the meeting told my teacher she was going to have to talk to me in person before she agreed to any disciplinary action because she'd always known me to be a kind kid and a great she suspected something else was going on. (I am so thankful I had perceptive, intuitive parents who knew me so well.) 

She sat me down that evening and I tearfully told her everything that had been going on for about 6 months before I started lashing out and quit going to class. Boy...did she read that teacher the riot act when she went back to school the next day. Told her she was lucky my parents weren't going to the district to get her fired for ignoring my distress...telling me to suck it up and ignore behavior that would get her male colleagues fired. 

Long story short...I didn't get in trouble, the boys did...the torture stopped...and we had a school-wide 3-day sexual harrassment training thing all because my mom raised so much cane. 

I'm not saying this is definitely what's going on with your SD...just that there may be more going on and this is her way to cry for help. Either way...her mom needs to parent. Whether that means making SD go to class bc she's just being lazy and childish or whether that means getting to the bottom of it and knocking some heads...

I love dogs's picture

I'm sorry that you went through that. Kids are truly mean sometimes. No one should ever be ashamed of their body. I asked DH if he thinks that something else could be going on and he said that he thinks BM got SD all hyped up by making a huge deal out of it (BM is very dramatic) but I told him to ask SD if everything is ok anyway. He said he'll call her tonight, so we'll see..