Too good not to share! BM texts
"I just want to say thank you so much for being you! You are an amazing dad and a great person. Thank you"
That is what DH received this morning from BM. If he was such an "amazing dad and person" why did she ask him to sign his parental rights away 5 years ago and proceed to keep SD away at every turn? Because her lack of parenting then sudden desire to parent when SF came into the picture is backfiring?
DH chose to ignore her and I agree with that, but I told him I'd have a hard time biting my tongue and demand an answer for why she kept SD away for so long if he is so "amazing" and "great".
In a previous post, she had texted something to the effect of "I love you two and want the best for you guys, sorry for the past" yada yads bullspit. She only wants to make herself feel better. I know if he wanted her back, she'd jump right back into his arms. I am so sick of her fakeness and self-serving, half-assed apologies/ "grateful" messages. Has she once said these things to his face? NOPE!
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Didn’t you recently blog your
Didn’t you recently blog your concerns regarding BM possibly peddling marijuana out of her house?
My guess is that these texts are being written and sent while she’s riding the ooey gooey feelgood waves of highness.
That is actually very
That is actually very possible! Or that she hates her life and is trying to remain a relevant interest in DH's life. She has completely ignored me since I ignored her BS about SD's cell phone being used at her house and has been extra "grateful" toward DH. Her boyfriend travels most days of the week so I'm sure she's lonely. Not to toot my own horn, but DH is way more of a catch than her bf.
I know you hate this woman,
I know you hate this woman, and think she's a crappy mother but here's the thing....though she's been imperfect in your eyes, I find it VERY difficult (actually almost impossible) to believe that she doesn't love her daughter with all her heart. It's easy to throw stones from your position, but I think the mothers on this board (both those that are biological moms and the stepmoms that love their skids (there are a few lol)) will agree that making bad decisions doesn't negate that love. So putting yourself in her shoes for a second, maybe she sees her mistakes, realizes that she screwed up and maybe some of her bitterness has worn off. It's possible this woman is trying to correct her ways and admit she messed up. If that's the case, then that's a real woman right there. Apologizing, admitting you were wrong, is hard to do. Impossible for some. If that's what she's doing then she deserves the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying you should become instant besties and give her your ATM password, but maybe withhold judgement and give her the chance to prove herself. Your family stands nothing to lose by being cautiously optimistic, and you have so much to gain if she has changed, especially your daughter. Of course that being said, this is a venting sight, so you should vent here, but maybe get it out of your system here and remain hopeful in your real life. Good luck. I hope she has cooled down and really seen that she screwed up. Imagine how much stress that would remove from your life lol
I want to believe it
And I see where you're coming from, but this woman is diagnosed BPD and is verbally/ emotionally abusive. DH, SD, and even GBM (her own mother) have been begging her to grant 50/50 for 5+ years. She obliged, and SD said this last weekend (which was the start of DH's "week-on") BM threatened to take 50/50 away.
She plays mind games and flat out ignores direct questions from SD and texts from DH when it doesn't suit her. She is the worst human being I have met. I will be civil for SD's sake. I also feel sorry for her boyfriend.
Yeah I see what you're saying
Yeah I see what you're saying now. People with real personality disorders like that probably aren't going to change. I didn't realize she had a diagnosed PD. My condolences, that's going to a bumpy road for you all.
I used to think that way once
I used to think that way once upon a time. Back when I was a normal human.
Then BM learned me better.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
That is my philosophy now.
That is my philosophy now. Our BM has had MULTIPLE chances and EIGHT YEARS to prove herself a decent human being. This woman is the master of manipulation and I'll never fall for her games.
I agree with the whole fool
I agree with the whole fool me once....theory, and I'd be a huge liar if I said I don't hang onto things. I read somewhere once, "I don't hold grudges, I hold memories that better prepare me for how to deal with people in the future." I'm sure I just butchered it but its something I totally agreed with. Like I had said I wouldn't jump into a trusting friendship, but to cautiously give the benefit of the doubt to people is something I really do try to stick with. I like giving people the opportunity to clean up their act. That being said, in OP's scenario I didn't realize she was dealing with a BM with BPD, so I guess my thought there don't really apply.
I've no doubt she loves SD
I've no doubt she loves SD completely, but her actions have proved that she doesn't have her best interests at heart. She claimed some real outlandish things in court that very well could've been completely avoided or retracted. She just kept painting DH to be a horrible father, and since they were never married and he left the home, he "abandoned" them even though she was the cheater and abuser. Thank goodness my husband is a strong man. I have read of men who take their own lives because of their exes keeping the kids away/ false allegations, etc.
We waited way too long to go to court, and when he threatened to take her, she beat him to the punch and was the innocent "victim"/ plaintiff in it all. Sure, she's nice to our faces, but I will never forget her spite and plain hatefulness. When I do see her, I see a sad, sick person. I should pity her but she's an adult and knows right from wrong. I try to make SD understand that her mother just is who she is and that she must conform until she's grown.