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OT being induced and very stressed

I love dogs's picture

Long story short, my best friend is an L&D nurse so I am delivering the baby at the hospital she works at. I'm being induced tomorrow at 40 and 5, Saturday night if they're busy. Everyone and their mom is blowing up DH's and my phone asking when she'll be here. 

My friend took an entire 2 weeks of vacation to be there for the delivery so that she isn't busy with other patients but the thing is- we didn't ask her to do this. It is my first baby and she has 3 kids and is going to school to be a midwife so I know she has good intentions. BUT I told her we're going on tomorrow night at 8pm (because she asked and can check the schedule to see if they're pushing me back to Saturday) and she told me to "plan where she's taking me to dinner" and such. 

DH and I plan to enjoy our time alone since it's the last we'll have for a long while. He said to blame it on him and tell her before the time comes that she doesn't need to go for monitoring and early induction because, well, it can take all weekend to see any progress. I am dilated and have been swept twice and the OB said my cervix is softening but I need this time with DH and DH only. 

My sister, sister-in-law and stepmom have offered to be there but since my own mother lives out of state, I don't need anyone there but my husband. Like I said, I didn't ask my friend to take vacation time from work to be there but she did anyway and she has even made comments to hubby like this is "her" baby (she got a hysterectomy before she could have more kids with her current husband) and has even told me that she's excited to have "her own baby to kiss and cuddle" meaning our daughter. DH and I don't even plan on kissing her because she'll be so tiny and it's flu season!

This is causing more stress than I need, I can't even walk my dogs because I hurt all over, I'm terrified of being induced, I'm terrified it'll end in a cesarean, my aunt and uncle on my dad's side are coming from out of town when she'll be about 2 weeks old and bought themselves plane tickets without *asking* if DH and I were okay with weekend visitors.. My mom and sister will be here from out of town from the 7th-12th and I am excited about that but even my little sister wants to go get manicures and I don't want to leave my week old baby to do that.. Why can't I speak up for myself?

Oh, on the SM side, DH "asked" SD for a schedule but of course that doesn't mean anything and I'm sure she'll just keep coming over sporadically. My mom will want to see SD so I'm sure SD will come over sometime next weekend to meet that baby.

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

So i know it doesn't help... But C-sections actually medically speaking could be safer for you and baby if they choose to do one. It'll be less likely to tear you up too, PLUS you'll get a pretty cool scar out of the deal. So don't stress on that!!!

Sorry you're dealing with a lot. Speak up for yourself, it's the only way you and the baby are ultimately going to be happy!!! Good luck!!!

I love dogs's picture

One of my friends swears c-sections are the only way to go haha I just don't want to put in all the effort only for the baby to be in distress and have to get cut open anyway. I've heard plenty of stories like that so I'm hoping my body responds well to the pitocin.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Medically speaking C-sections really do have some awesome benefits vs. vaginal birth.

But I understand. You put in the effort so would rather see it through. lol

SteppedOut's picture

Ugh. You HAVE to stand up for what you want or you are going to have a major hormonal emotional break! Also, this is a very special time  - YOUR FIRST BABY. Don't let someone else's bad behavior ruin that! Seriously, start speaking up! If they take offense, oooooh welllll. This is YOUR pregnancy, YOUR baby and YOUR time to spend with baby. 

Sheesh at your friend... control freak much?

I love dogs's picture

Yes, she is kind of overbearing and is older then me so DH thinks she treats me like her "kid"- I am only a year older than her oldest. She had him at 16.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Unless you stand up for yourself and what you want, people will unwittingly cross boundaries that they have NO idea you have. You feel resentful and they have no idea why.

susanm's picture

Is this the friend who tried to hijack your nursery decoration?  Sometime you just need to tell people that you have made your own plans, thank you.  Sure they will say that they know they know better.  Especially the L&D nurse and experienced parents, and your own parents, and anyone who you ever backed down from in the past.  So that would be one whole hell of a lot of people!  But you are going to be a parent now so you may as well get used to saying "no."  From what you have said, you control next to nothing else in your life given the situation with the skids and BM and your DH.  Take control of this or you are going to be one resentful woman!

Thumper's picture

ILOVEDOGS

NOW is the time to send out a group text IF that is how everyone talks to each other in your family/friends.

Have Grandparents contact everyone after the baby is born. This way DH and you are not glued to your cells trying to please the masses. IT IS ANNOYING. Put your phone away and enjoy your baby.

Try this: Hey everyone,

"DH will call the new GP's after our baby is born. THEY will start sending out info when they want to.  Our phones will be turned off and the only dh will be the only one in with me during the birth of our baby. I cant wait until everyone comes over to our house to meet 'her/him' for the first time. I thought maybe Sunday around 3pm before the big game, say between 3pm and 5p? Look forward to seeing everyone then. LOVE YA's."

Also tell your nurses tomorrow your wishes...they will stick to it!!

YOUR childs birth your rules, YOUR home-- YOUR rules about visits. If anyone is sick..they cant come, stuff like that. Also, stick a note on the front door...NEW BABY sleeping shhhh no visitors at this time.

works like a charm. No joke, we did it. You and DH need this time alone.

We picked 1 day,  a day or two after we came home for visitors..Everyone came between a very short window Noon until 2pm..It was all I could do to sit let alone anything else. People thought I was nuts but then they realized it was so much better to have everyone come at once then days and days AND days of people going in and out.

ILD,,,this is a private moment  between you and DH. NOT you, dh and his /your parents. NOT you dh, baby and your over zealous friend. NOT dh, baby, you and everyone who traveled days to get there.

Just taking a shower will be on the top of your list of LOVE LOVE LOVE...not entertaining the masses.

Day 3 milk usually comes in IF you plan on nursing.

I know your scared, its natural to be scared. I am sure you are in very good hands with all medical staff.

Remember your and dh's rules and do NOT allow anyone push their wants on you, ok?

That includes Grandparents too.

I cant wait to hear all about babyilovedogs.

 

 

Survivingstephell's picture

I was induced 3 times, 1 c-section.  4 BDs and they are all fine.  Don't be scared of the c-section.  I had an emergency one for my last daughter and looking back, it was easier to heal from in lot of ways.  None of that walking funny after pushing an 8pound watermelon out of you!  Also, don't fight the drugs they give you to induce.  I was fighting them the first time.  Number 2 came out quick, #3 needed the drugs to get her out and I gave myself over to them and it worked much better.  Number 4 was a planned induction but high risk pregnacy so there was that to factor in.  In the end you will have a baby, that you will want to be around and now is a good a time as any to stand up for yourself.  I had to put my foot down with DH and made him tell his mother that there would be no party/shower 1 week after major surgery.  WTF are these people thinking with, certainly not their brains!!  

Make a list of approved people and leave it with the labor nurses.  Let them do the bouncing for you.  They do it alll the time.  Use them.  If the list is like really short so be it.  Its your birth experience.  Not anyone else's.  

Livingoutloud's picture

I was supposed to be induced but I was so terrified of it that I went into labor naturally on the morning of that day. But I was like literally at 42 weeks or at least it appeared to be so. In my family it’s quite typical to carry way over 40 weeks. 

thiscantbenormal's picture

I was induced at 39w3d with pitocin and had to be on magnesium iv at same time. My epidural failed.  I had my baby vaginally about 11 hours after water broke.

You can do this!

thiscantbenormal's picture

Unless your visitors are going to be doing housekeeping chores you are probably going to find they are cramping your style.  You can handle more on your own then you are giving yourself credit for.  

And resting bitch face seems to help people back off without saying words!  Lol

you need to find your voice and speak up when people are overstepping in your delivery and postpartum time.

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

I was a first time mom induced and not dialated any and only took me 15 hours. It was super intense though 

Lndsy747's picture

Stand up for yourself and your baby!!! You only get this bonding time once and others can wait. I really regret not standing up for myself. Especially if you plan on breastfeeding you need time alone with the baby to figure things out. It was so much harder than I thought it would be and I struggled and turned to formula instead. I think if I had had time alone instead of catering to guests it would have worked out so much better.

I didn't think getting induced was that horrible and although I can't speak on c sections I did tear during labor and did not expect that recovery would be as bad as it was. Again running around catering to visitors didn't help.

 

TwoOfUs's picture

Yes..set your boundaries! 

In a way it's not fair that you have to do this...because you'd think a grown-ass woman with kids of her own would know not to stomp all over your first pregnancy experience. She's put you in an awkard position.

People are weird, though. My sister's SIL on the other side of the family was so excited about the birth of my sister's first (who was the first nephew/grandkid/etc for that family)...that she got photos from the hospital shoot printed and framed and gave them to her parents for Christmas. That's correct. My nephew was born in mid-December and the SIL beat her to the punch and gave framed pictures of my sister's first child to his grandparents instead of letting my sister do that. Weird, right? 

My sister says she can't wait for SIL to be pregnant with her first...bc she's going to do the exact same thing...

elkclan's picture

I know your friend is overbearing. But if things go a bit more complicated than you hope she will be good to have around. Use her as your watch dog if you are having problems with other people trampling on you. People get excited about new babies and they forget mom is recovering.