Having cake and eating it too..
This week is spring break so SD has been here since Saturday mostly hiding in her room. She hasn't showered since she's been here and has been wearing the same pajamas since Sunday- as in hasn't changed and I know that means undies, socks, all. I haven't said anything but I wanted to get out of the house today. I needed a hair trim and had a coupon for Great Clips so I invited SD since her hair hasn't been cut since November when I took her (and to get her greasy hair washed!) She didn't want to go so whatever. I tried to do something nice before her dance next Friday. I was also going to take her to get her brows waxed after because the place is next door and she said she wanted to do that before the dance. Not happening now. I will stay completely disengaged and worry about my daughter's and my hygiene.
So I get home and got us all Starbucks- including SD because I'm nice. She is in the living room with DH watching TV and the baby is napping. SD says out of nowhere "I want to go do something today but don't know what". I lost it on the inside but kept my cool. I calmly said (because I wasn't going to keep quiet) "I asked you to get your hair cut with me". In her mousy murmur she says "I know" and I just walked away like that was your chance to get out today. Now I definitely won't take her to do anything during break lol she can go back to BM's for that.
ETA: DH had to run to the shop for a bit and he texted me asking if I want to take SD to some Marvel movie tonight. I assume he was trying to delegate this to me and stay home with the baby. I'm thinking friends are invovled. My answer was NO and I told him the two of them should go since princess wants to do something.
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Yep. Toxic Feral did that to me a few times
I asked her to do things, and she shot me down. Then when I snuck out once with munchkin she got upset and cried. There was another time I offered to take her to a fun street fair. Took me 30 minutes to get there, 10 to park. Walked around a bit, and then suddenly she was "sick".
Took her back home, and she left shortly after to go shopping with her auntie. I got mad and she got an attitude.
Munchkin is so happy when she is clean and her room is clean. She also loves getting "pampered" with hair and nails, even though she is a bit tomboyish. She does get "shiny" though and sleep in her clothes. We still at 12 1/2 have to remind her to brush teeth. Its a process.
I haven't mentioned the
I haven't mentioned the shower thing. It doesn't bother either of them so why do I care? Her hair is a rat's nest but if she wants to be a ratty teenager, so be it. I just hope she doesn't try to live with us during college and impress negatively on our daughter longer than she needs to.
So, she didn't want to go
So, she didn't want to go with you to get a hair cut. What's the big deal?
I don't think you should have married a man with a kid. This kid breathes and it pisses you off.
Yeah, that's how I see it too
Yeah, that's how I see it too. I'm also not clear on how she's "having her cake and eating it, too"? Sounds like she's just lounging around the house in her pajamas and the best offer for fun she's had is to go get her hair cut (which was really just a sneaky way to get someone to wash her hair for her because it's bothering the OP).
And where is DH in this, why isn't he ordering her into the shower? Or doing something fun with her?
I don't think your SD is old enough to consider a hair cut fun.
I don't think your SD is quite old enough to find getting her hair cut a fun thing to do. You asked if she wanted to and she didn't, so she said no. When she later said she wanted to do something, she probably meant something that she would find fun - and to her getting a haircut isn't particularly fun. She had no way of knowing that saying no to a haircut would make you mad enough that you would choose to not do all the other nice/fun things that you were thinking about doing.
The new Marvel movie is called Captain Marvel and is the first Marvel superhero movie to feature a woman in the lead role. Maybe DH thought it would be a fun "girl" thing to do together?
Don't buy her Starbucks if
Don't buy her Starbucks if you're going to resent it. It's expensive, kids don't need it.
In all this what bothers me
In all this what bothers me the most is that her father is not telling her to go SHOWER.....Is he not aware that his daughter hasn't washed her @ss in 3 days???
You tried engaging her and she wants no parts of it.....Just do you and disengage!
OH, my OSD went I think at
OH, my OSD went I think at least a week w/out bathing. At least. Her bedding would only be washed a couple times a year - her pink sheets were gray (barf) when she left our home. The only time she'd wash clothing or bedding was if DH did it for her, because I don't do that. And that was only when I raised h*ll with him about the smell.
I'll bet her DH is either a lazy or a disney, or BOTH parent. And that's why she has to stop.
Stop! Disengage. I did this
Stop! Disengage. I did this exact thing and OSD responded the same. I just stopped trying. DH gets to deal with her now, 100%. Nothing you do or try to do will make her closer to you. Respect comes from drawing YOUR lines for yourself.