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DH or SD- who to believe?

I love dogs's picture

As I posted on Saturday, I took a nap after the gym because SD was fed (single-serve mac n cheese, a jumbo kit kat bar and almost a pint of vanilla ice cream) and I ate leftovers. SD asked me at 3pm when we were having breakfast then proceeded to call DH because I was sleeping. 

In her mind DH was bringing her Einstein's because she requested it. DH says he called her back, proceeded to scold her for being a lazy bum for claiming she can't use a TOASTER, and said that if she can veg out all day, she can use YouTube to learn!

He was pretty annoyed when he told me, so why did SD say he was bringing her food? To guilt trip me? I knew he wouldn't be home before BM got here.

Also, I told SD to BE READY an hour before BM got here. BM gets here, rings the doorbell, SD isn't ready, so she is standing awkwardly in my doorway. I don't engage in small talk and I was actually on the phone with my cousin about her mother's declining health. SD still forgot her lunchbag and BM had to bring her at 8:30pm Sunday night to get it.

What is wrong with this child? I do NOT understand procrastinating for AN HOUR then still forgetting things you were told SPECIFICALLY to NOT forget.


ESMOD's picture

I'm confused... she ate mac n cheese, ice cream and a candy bar for breakfast....why did she need breakfast again?  wouldn't it be lunch she needed? lol.

If I heard a peep about the food issue, I would reiterate that there was food available that would have been easily prepared by her and that you are not required to cook for her when she can do it herself.

Maybe it's time to institute a drop location for all her stuff that she will collect at the end of her visit?  Surely her lunch bag wasn't in use over the weekend?


lieutenant_dad's picture

She is a child who hasn't been parented by anyone in her life who gets her way no matter what she does and receives no consequences for her actions.

Hungry? Eat junk food. Doesn't have her stuff packed? She gets extra time to pack up. Forgets her lunch bag? BM drives her over to pick it up. Lies about not being able to cook? Dad just yells at her with no follow-through.

How can you be surprised by this behavior? This is a 12 yeard old who does whatever she wants whenever she wants. No adult in her life is providing structure or delivering consequence. She has it SO EASY and has ZERO incentive to try.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Einstein brothers and bagels.... It's one of the things i miss the most from home as weird as that sounds... They just don't have the food options down here I like.... LOL

classyNJ's picture

Oh my!  I should have eaten lunch!  I just searched their map and there is only two in NJ but one is 20 minutes from me.  I love a place that makes egg whites stand out since I can't eat yolks.  

Siemprematahari's picture

How the heck is SD still hungry after eating all that cr@p (single-serve mac n cheese, a jumbo kit kat bar, and almost a pint of vanilla ice cream)? This child has been enabled and she will continue to be so until everyone is on the same page and have her do these basic things on her own. She's not a toddler and if she has time to lie around, she can make herself something to eat.

Survivingstephell's picture

The only thing I would have said to BM is that I told SD to be ready, I guess YOU need to get after her so we don't go thru this again.  Then when they were walking away, I would turn the deadbolt loud enough for them to hear it.  *biggrin*

I love dogs's picture

I guess being hungry was her lesson here. DH admitted that he "apologized" for being so hard on her. Ugh I hate that he tries to be stern then backtracks by getting all soft and apologizing. The only person he should blame is himself for letting it get so bad. Before, we had SD less than EOWE, so I know that SD was catered to. We can't make BM hold SD responsible at her home.

Since then, she is made to keep her room tidy, rinse her dishes and put them into the dishwasher, and put her laundry away. She knows how to make basic meals on the stove. Heck, she could've made the turkey bacon in the microwave, for goodness sake! 

beebeel's picture

Snort. Wow she sure has a huge list of responsibilities! You will soon be sick of washing a 13 year old's laundry and you will insist she does it herself. Then you will get sick of a 13 year old laying all over the house doing nothing all summer long, so you will insist she starts doing more around the house. 

Then the devil will show up. You two are ABUSIVE! You have made her your SLAVE! That's why she doesn't want to come to dad's house anymore. wahhhhh. Dogs is a bitch and she's ALWAYS hated her!! Wahhhhhhh.

Or something along those lines. BTDT, got the "I've been falsely accused" t-shirt from cps.