DH and his verbal agreements with BM
Thanks to DH being so desperate to kiss BM's ass, he apparently agreed, as a conditon of SD attending our party last weekend, to take SD EVERY weekend until Xmas break and forfeit every other week so SD can "focus on tutoring" that BM decided to pay for without his consent. I know that's only 3 weeks and it'll be nice to not have her during the week but every weekend? Call me an evil SM, I don't really care.
DH got mad at me because I told him that that's BM's way of pushing him out of every other week and to just wait. I wouldn't be surprised if she's planning to file in court to move SD's schools and take 50/50 away. But what am I saying? Honestly, I don't want SD there every other week anymore with the baby coming anyway. The lack of communication here is strong.
Oh, the best part? He has the nerve to tell me that the reason he doesn't tell me about what BM says and SD matters is because "it always turns into an arguement". Well yeah, he doesn't like my realistic opinion.
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Oh I hate Verbal Agreements!
In the beginning it was all verbal agreements, which BM NEVER stuck to. Now we only do what the court order says.
What's with the manipulations and deals these BM try to make with their kids, it makes me sick!
She couldn't do one nice
She couldn't do one nice thing and just let DH have SD for Thanksgiving weekend. No, she had to get something out of it, too, and I told him she's using this to make him seem uninvolved as she always does. If she is the only one to take SD to tutoring, he just doesn't care enough about her schooling, of course.
It took me a long time to
It took me a long time to realize that I ALWAYS offered my opinion on everything that DH told me about BM and whatever plans they made even if did not effect me or my plans. It wouldn't start an argument but I could tell he was just sick of hearing from me and her. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. He stopped telling me anything unless there was a change that effected me.
I really miss that time now. SS16 came to us for 2 1/2 years full time and well you know how that turned out. Now I just let him vent to me. I have no opinion. I do not care. At All.
I just like every other
I just like every other weekend alone with him and when he doesn't tell me these things, I feel slighted. We have so much less alone time now that I'm working all the time and I want as much as possible before the baby gets here. But I do get what you're saying. He wasn't asking for my opinion but it really upsets me that he made these plans a couple weeks ago and today it's an "oh yeah, by the way..." type deal.
Why didn't he talk to about
Why didn't he talk to you about this before agreeing to the verbal agreement with BM?
This is why I'm annoyed right
This is why I'm annoyed right now. He wanted me to be like "oh, that's great you're getting SD, what should we do tonight?" Also, we already had dinner plans with another couple.
Keep your dinner plans.
Keep your dinner plans.
SD is barely going to notice you and Dad are gone anyway. If she gets a bag of her favorite junk fast food before you leave and she has her phone and laptop in her room , all will be wonderful in SD World.
I learned not to talk about
I learned not to talk about it beyond what was necessary. In the end, it's his decision how he handles it, and the consequences are all his, too.
There are things I don't do in front of DH because I know he will comment on my method or technique and that annoys me. I want to do it my way. I finally realized that's how he felt when I tried to control how he managed BM and SS.
Now, he asks my advice, I give it once, and then let it go.
I guess he wasn't asking my
I guess he wasn't asking my advice but I get what you're saying. I just hate my life being interrupted by his past and I think it's only getting worse with the baby coming, to be honest. I just feel like I deserve *my* family and SD feels like an intruder. Although, her attitude improved a million times since Thanksgiving but who knows how long that will last..
You'll have to make peace
You'll have to make peace with it - that's what happens when you marry a guy with a kid.
Again, you aren't giving him
Again, you aren't giving him a situation in which he can win.
You're pissy when she is there EOW. So, now she is only there on the weekends. And you're still pissy.
Nothing your DH does makes you happy in regards to his daughter. You're mindset is "my way or the highway", which doesn't work when SD isn't your kid.
You are going to have to learn or accept that your DH is never going to go back to court, never going to talk to you about this, and will do as he sees fit for his daughter.
There was no way for him to win in this scenario. You would have been grumpy any way he handled it.
I just feel slighted that I'm
I just feel slighted that I'm made to accept this all when my past will never affect our lives so much and it's just not frikkin fair! I want to be happy that SD is coming over but I'm just not.
Hon, none of this is new.
Hon, none of this is new. This has been years and years in the making. You've had ample opportunity to leave, and your DH has given you plenty of reason to do so.
This. Will. Never. Change. You are driving yourself batty thinking it will. The baby won't make it better. SD being there more or less won't make it better. You harping on your DH won't make it better.
This is your life. 100%. I know you're just venting, but do you not see that this is it? He has made ZERO changes in the 2ish years that you have been on this board. You have made ZERO changes in how you address these issues with him in the 2ish years you have been on this board. You are on a hamster wheel that you refuse to get off of.
So, what is it that you are expecting will change, because I'm not seeing where either of you are letting go of the bone you're picking with each other?
My DH is no longer the DIsney
My DH is no longer the DIsney Dad he used to be. However, I also know that he will ALWAYS take the skids at every opportunity because he is no longer a full-time Dad. While he definitely cares about my feelings, he knows his time with PigPen (and previously with SS19) is limited before PP ages out or would rather be on a date or with friends than spend time with DH.
HOWEVER, DH does not change OUR plans. Either PigPen does not come over until AFTER our plans are complete (IOW, he comes the next day), or DH takes PP back to the 'Ho House while we are gone (and picks him up on our way home).
Keep your dinner plans, OP.