Back to disengaging
My girlfriend invited the baby and I to breakfast this morning so we met her and came home about 11. I brought DH and SD breakfast and SD has been holed up in her room with the door closed. DH has a friend over and the baby is napping. They're in the living room.
I am doing small things around the house and get a text from SD. It says "hey ILD my mom was wondering if I could head home or whatever in a few minutes? Is that okay?" There it is. Right there in my face. That one word we all talk about here. Home. SD would never tell BM to take her "home" to dad's. Our house is not her home. Nope.
I said "talk to your dad" and left it at that. BM isn't normally off for 2 more hours so I'm not sure why it can't wait 2 hours when she gets off (our house is about a half mile from BM's and on the way home from her work). She actually drives BY OUR HOUSE on her way home.
I wanted to ask this but I don't care why. Actually, I'm curious now because SD asked me how much longer I'm on mat leave and GBM can also come pick her up.. BM must know DH has been at home with me because of SD. I'm not volunteering to take her back to BM's, btw.
I thought today would be around the time BM decided was fair for DH to have "parenting time". Don't worry, Stalkers, I fully accept that my husband is in the wrong, too. I don't even remember what the original CO says about spring break.
Edit: GBM just got back from vacation and BM wants SD to spend time with her.. Insert eyeroll. I'm sure GBM will be babysitting for BM's younger 2 kids the next 2 days and BM could've just picked SD up. SD said she "may" be back this weekend.. That won't happen because my birthday is Sunday and I will make sure we stay plenty busy.
I bet SD played the "bored" card and BM told her to make one of us take her back. It worked and she's gone. Hopefully until after her dance next weekend or even the NEXT weekend would be great.
Edit #2: maybe BM is screwing another coworker again (last time it was her married manager) so she wanted DH to take SD home so she doesn't have to make an extra stop LOL
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Comments
You've said before she's
You've said before she's there 2-8 days a month - why would she think of your house as home, when she's at BM's 22-28 days a month? I'm not clear why that bothers you?
Because it just further
Because it just further asserts the outsider in MY home and the fact that MY home is run by a mini wife and exwife.
No, it's run by a spineless
No, it's run by a spineless DH. If he set proper boundaries, this wouldn't be an issue.
As a step kid and an adult, "home" is where your stuff is at. I
would be dancing with excitement that she left early. It would be easy to put the shoe on the other foot and wonder if SD feels like you're an outsider in the place she crashes when she stays with her dad.
All of the "stuff" we have
All of the "stuff" we have bought over the years for SD always ends up at BM's somehow. I have tried so hard to make our house home for SD. DH is too lazy/ afraid to parent so I pick up 90% of the slack with SD.
A few years ago for Xmas, DH gave BM at least 4 of the Pop vinyl Harry Potter characters we bought SD because she knew we bought them for her but BM bought her more and wanted to display them all at HER house. DH's fault, I know. We have replaced them times 5 so SD can have Pops that aren't Harry Potter because that's BM's thing now..
SD just came over a month ago to get "a shirt" and left with every flannel I bought her. There were at least 4 nice ones. Those were the only decent shirts she had here because the OTHER ones (t-shirts, blouses, sweaters, sweats, etc. all bought with MY money and the kindness of my heart to help DH to clothe his daughter and be a "good SM") ended up at BM's before that. There are too many more examples to list.
My skid actually lives with
My skid actually lives with us more than BM (dh is primary) and he calls her house home. Kids associate “home” as where they’re happiest and in their shallowest of hearts it’s the household that lets them say, do, eat, act the way THEY want freely.
Disengaging is where it’s at!
Slids won’t ever understand. Stepping back saves one’s sanity.
DH is too lazy/ afraid to
DH is too lazy/ afraid to parent so I pick up 90% of the slack with SD.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ this is the problem right here. Why are you picking up his slack? If you continue to enable this behavior he will see no reason to parent and act like a father. Stop bringing unnecessary stress to your life and leave your H no choice but to take care of his responsibilities.
I have been but have also
I have been but have also always done the "girl" stuff for/ with SD like bathroom hygiene, hair, nails, eyebrows, clothing, decorations, etc. To DH (even with the investigation), nothing has changed. He still loves SD as he does our daughter and he gets long weekends with her now and BM can dictate all of the "parental" decisions once again. He even made a comment a couple weeks ago that our house was like an escape from BM's.. Gee, DH, that's endearing. All of the emotional and financial drain of being a SM has just left me bitter.