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End of the road

Honesty's picture

First and foremost it is nice to know that there are other Stepmother's feeling the exact same way as I am feeling. It is helpful knowing that I am not alone. I know that there is no right answer or easy road to take. I'm just extremely overwhelmed and I just feel like I'm getting to the end of my road directionless really. My story is such a long story if I were to tell it all it would be as if I'm writing a book. I am angry, lost and just flat feel defeated.

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Honesty's picture

Every day that I sit on the porch of my country home I'll look out above the pastures and wish I had the courage to just gather a few things and leave. Everything here is mine. I have three biological children of my own that need my attention and yet we are discarded and the needs of my husband and his two children always seem to come first. I'm in a constant battle in my head wondering if it's me, if I'm the problem. 

SteppedOut's picture

It's probably not "just you", but you are probably being gaslighted into thinking it is. 

You said everything in the home is yours...are you part owner of the home? Does your SO own it? Rental?

Please don't waste your life and your children's childhood pandering to a man and his children, while he has no regard for yours... 

What does SO say when you try and talk to him about the issues?

Harry's picture

For DH kids to come first. He should leave you,  and  move him and his kids into a big nice home that they deserve.   Right by the yellow brick road. Next to the chocolate factory ! 

ndc's picture

Hugs to you.  It is highly unlikely that you are the problem.  You and your children should not come second to your DH and his children.  If that's how he treats you, you're not being treated properly, and it's not fair to either you or your bios.  If everything there is yours, why do YOU need to leave?  Seems like it should be your H and his kids who leave if anyone is going to do some leaving.  Have you tried counseling?  Discussing the issues with your husband?  It's hard to help without more information, although even without more information I doubt you are the problem.

Honesty's picture

My husband is a complete narcissist. I've tried to speak with him and all he says is that I point fingers and judge. When I tell him that I am unhappy he says he is perfectly happy and he disregards the way I'm feeling. His 16 year old daughter, my stepdaughter is manipulative and filthy. His eight year old son comes to visit and has ADHD so they say, in my opinion he needs his butt whooped my husband doesn't want to discipline him because he said he only gets him every other week in the summer and every other weekend during school year. When I joined this family I wanted to be the best stepmom ever I never separated the two meaning natural children from stepchildren I have always done equal for both but him and his children they do nothing but take advantage. My husband makes me feel guilty if I want to just spend one on one time with my own children and yet I've done it for his multiple times.

ndc's picture

So why do you stay?  Are you getting anything out of this relationship?  If not, go see a lawyer, file for divorce and figure out how to get him and his out of your house.  You and your children will be happier without the narcissist and his damaged children around.