I've put in over 17 years now, and I don't get much thanks either. SS19 does acknowledge me and treats me with respect so I guess that's better than most SM's get. But I don't feel the love either.

Hogger...

I agree with you...it is the most thankless job. I also am a stepmom of 4.5 years. I was a stranger in my own home when his girls were home. We have since separated in the past several weeks. I am so relieved that I do not have to deal with the drama, disrespect, lack for my feelings and overall brattiness. My SD14 holds the title of "mini-wife"...so she basically called the shots. My husband asked me for a divorce after she wrote a letter pleading him to leave me....never mind that just the day before I found out that I have a tumor. I have never been treated so badly. I will NEVER become a stepmom again.

I hope your situatuation works out better. Perhaps you and your DH can sit and talk about it...or even try counceling.

((hugs to you))

It is the most unrecognized job and I am with you, but I stand corrected- I don't consider it a job because most people care about their jobs and I disengage from most skid stuff. I agree that in my case also most of what they enjoy and think is "their DAAADDY's " they fell to recognize and acknowledge is due primarily to me. That is very irritating.

I'm sorry Hogger, I know that what you're going through is hurtful.

I had a talk with my SO about this same thing a couple of years ago...the SKids were really quick to say "thank you" to their dad but always left me out...SO started constantly telling them that they should be grateful for what I do for them & what I get them...sometimes they still need to be reminded that I'm not just the homework nazi but also a parent in our home who provides for them, just like their father does.

The SKids have started saying "thank you Anywho, thank you dad" anytime they are given something...I find it kind of funny myself. They truly don't understand, but one day they will...hopefully.

i have yet to understand how "dadddyyyy" is the on to thank and gets credit for things/trips/anything that is OBVIOUSLY provided because of me.... i just took all those things/trips AWAY!

WDIPMB, sorry to hear about your medical condition. wishing you well.....

I feel your pain. My SD is 10 too, been in her life for 4 years now and feel that as more time goes by, the further apart we become. She even lives with us 24/7 bc mom lives far away. And when I say 24/7 I mean that...no overnights w anyone bc she's too scared. I feel like we have to go to a hotel sometimes just to get away bc DH won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I feel that being a stepmom is thankless, not just from SD but from DH as well. When do we ever hear "Oh honey, thank you so much for putting up with a child who isn't yours and never will be. Thank you for doing her laundry, cooking for her, helping her with homework, spending part of your paycheck on her for things like birthdays, Christmas, school shopping, the list goes on!!!!!" We'll never hear that.....but yet we're always there when they need us.

I don't think it even ends, but it's possible that it gets easier. I've had a rough go with SD18, since she was 10. SS23 is easy, but we aren't close or anything. Now and then SS and I have a nice talk, but he is rather quite even when he visits. SD is on her own and calls me or texts me, a little less these days. I am sure she has said horrible things about me at times; I think now she would say mostly good or ok things. She is still capable of hurting me without giving it much thought, she's just a bit rough all around, not just with me. I still try and go out of my way sometimes and she shows appreciation, but I have no doubts that if something comes up, she'd treat me like crap pretty quickly.
So I think the rewards are few, but dear, the work never ends, but gets a bit easier. It goes a long way if your spouse is there for you and supports you and sees and acknowledges your efforts. I have been lucky that way. DH has no resentment toward me about his kids, none at all. He does not even think the mistakes I did make are that big. There is no way our situation would have survived, if I did not have a strong loving man by my side.

Oh, I have never been told I love you. The most I have gotten is a very, very rare hug, a few nice presents that actually were thoughtful, and recently a card that said "thanks for making everything more fun". I have never told SD that I love her, either. I have wanted to, on occasion, but she is so non affectionate and can be so cruel, that I thought she'd just shoot me down and humiliate me.
Today she asked me if I could teach her to crochet again, so she can make something for her baby. So she'll be coming over tomorrow after my work, and that will be a reward in a way.
She's also told everyone that I am the best cook in the world and that helps too.