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I do not think I will ever like/love skids

Helpless0987's picture

Submitted by Helpless0987 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 4:07pm

I have tried countless times to like them and maybe someday love them, I just don't. 6 years ago I had 2 diff skids (sort of we weren't married) and they loved me and I loved them I think more than I loved their dad, and maybe I compare them to my current skids, but I loved the others almos immediately these ones have taken Alot of work and has almost developed into a hatred. Aside from how rotten, terrible, liars, zero hygiene skills and demanding little attitudes I tried and I just don't like them. I cringe every tome I have to be around them. Especially the youngest ss10 I can't almost tolerate ss15 but not ss10 who btw is an obvious favorite. I don't know how to get thru my marriage anymore, ss10 has just about demolished it. We are perfect until he comes around. I want a baby so badly I know I will be a great mom, I love kids, and I think ss10 will demolish that too. Truth be told I don't even think ss10 is even my husbands, and he refuses DNA even BM tried to take him to court to get one done- he wouldn't. Everyday i just wish he'd be out of our lives, rotten I know, but I do. Our relationship pretty much stops as soon as ss10 is here, sometimes his visits will last longer and I get so angry . Behvior issues have been addressed by me to DH he agrees, but never does anything but spoil him, sometimes i think because he doesn't want to deal with the brat attitude if he doesn't do what ss10 wants. Why are these kids so different from my last experience? I know that it can't be me, I've tried everything I could try, and everyday my anxiety gets worse thinking about the next tome they will be here to ruin my weekend.

Comments

dreamingofhappiness's picture

Submitted by dreamingofhappiness on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 5:19pm

All I can say, is first Breath... LOL... All children are different. I went through a similar situation... the only way my Husband and I get along while th kids are here is I go to my bedroom and turn on the TV to something I want to watch, and pull out my book and read... When they realize I am not around, (The Kids) the come find me to let me know that I am wanted by them. Until then, I make dad handle all kids duties. It saves me stress, headaches, anger, accusations, and it makes the kids come to me...

Helpless0987's picture

Submitted by Helpless0987 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 6:10pm

I prolly could take off but weekends are DH and i only time together, so if I want to see him at all it's under those circumstances, and relasticly I can't take off forever.... What a dead end right?

hopefully's picture

Submitted by hopefully on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 6:59pm

i truly understand you situation.I currently have a love/hate relationship with my skids. there are moments when i love them and there are moments when they can just get on my nerves. most of my issues though have been fed to them by their BM who wants to be me. i dont know how long you have been around skids but i will say give it time on your end as well as theirs. It takes time to bond with children especially ss10. He is in the development stage where he is still needing of alot of attention from both parents you being there has nothing to do with it. SS15 is busy finding his own identity outside of his parents so having another parent is not on his radar. think about when you were a teenager parents where kinds lame right? like you loved them but you really would rather be with friends. not saying that is the total reason but each child's development stage should be taken into consideration. hope this helps.

Helpless0987's picture

Submitted by Helpless0987 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 7:05pm

It's been 3 years, things were decent until this last year when they moved In with BM

hopefully's picture

Submitted by hopefully on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 9:36am

oh thats what it is (moved in BM) dealing with the same issue. its one of those things where we have to suck it up and come up with a game plan. my DH has 4 that lives within arms reach. 2 is ok with staying with us and the other 2 decided to stay with their BM a couple of weeks ago. or should i say BM decided that she wants to be a mother but only to 2 of them. mind you there was a time that i was mom to the children for several months without her being in the picture because she wanted a "break" she came back when she found out things between hubby and i" had gotten serious. if BM is anything like my BM she is trying to break you and your DH up and will try to do so at all costs since she sees that she is no longer wanted she will mess with the relationship he values, his kids. the first thing BM decided to do was strip me of my title of being "funSM" she decided that when the kids come over she would give them whatever they wanted making me the disciplinarian. I engage with the children but am fair do not show favoritism and they must follow rules that dad has given them. What i have come to realize is children will love their BM no matter what. And if BM is not secure in her relationship with herself or her relationship with her children she try to tamper with your relationship to get closer to her children. its not right because there is enough love to go around from the children. As far as discipline i had to tell DH that i dont mind enforcing the rules if you are willing to do the same. if you dont then dont expect me to because ultimately they are your children. for him it makes the difference what your DH is prob trying to avoid is being labeled as the "mean" parent. or could be afraid of not being to able to see his children at all because they will no longer want to if he is "mean". talk to him about it. the ss10 does need to see the two of you engaging with him together and engaging with each other in a loving way when he is around. if he knows that when he is around it makes a difference in your relationship he will continue to eat at it.