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I now have a psycho BM

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Since my baby boy has been born she has
- told ss13 that dad loves new baby more than SS13. His money is going for baby instead of skids.
- told ss13 he now cannot live with us for high school after saying he could. Says that it is a waste of money to send him to private school --- she won't be paying for ANY of it. Says that if dad pays for high school, he won't be able to afford college for SS.
- flat out asked for money (hasn't done this) for decisions SHE made without consulting SO. Getting SS13 braces and SD16 a car (that needs new tires now). A car was no longer an option after SD16 failed courses the last two years of school. SO said she didn't show responsibility to have one. Plus, all she would be doing with it is running errands for BM and stepdad. Sure enough that is what happened. SO could have found braces at a better price and she didn't even ask first. She just signed up for it all and then said I need 2500 for half!!! Really??

SO has no idea where he is allowed to draw the line. I try to help him, but I really want to keep my distance. I need to watch out for me and my son. SO is trying to watch out for us as well.

He wants to tell her no (he pays CS regularly, medical insurance, and buys all their school clothes/shoes etc. If they need something for a sports extracurricular, he buys it).

I've told him to see a lawyer. SS13 is adamant that no matter what his mother says he is pushing to live with us next year.
THAT is pissing her off, because CS will end. SD will be 18 next year and if SS isn't living with her, no more money.

What I DON'T want is this to go to court and SO try to fight for both kids. SD will be 17 soon, so I am hoping that anything court related will take long enough that she wont' come here. I don't like her, we are at a point at being polite, but she CANNOT live here. I've made this clear to SO as well that she will not live here when she turns 18.

I dont' want court to suck up our money or my emotional energy.
SO is on the fence of giving in to appease her so that maybe SS can still come live with us next year OR telling her no. At what point do you stop letting them take advantage. Each time you give, they just ask for more. I'm not convinced that SD isn't partly in on some things too. She is sneaky. I feel like she knows dad will give in too. But I could never say that to SO without him being so defensive. I never know what is getting told to BM about our house. This is why MY money is unknown to them. I never discuss what I pay for or what I buy or what I make to them.

SO did this to himself. He bought so much non needed things (coach purses, phones, expensive shoes) that when they go home to BM she see's where his money goes. So she figures, he makes more he has it, so he needs to pay for more.

Just frustrated and don't care to deal with any of this. Since baby was born, SO now feels we are all "family" and he should be able to discuss all of this with me. All I care about is my baby.


doll faced sm's picture

Sad I'm sorry to hear about this development.

I know you don't want to get involved b/c you don't want to get hurt again by the step-situation, but you may want to gently nudge your DH in the direction of *not* giving in to BM's demands behind closed doors. If your DH *does* give in, then BM may have a leg to stand on in court. Of course, I don't know your state, and each is different, but family courts seem entirely too prone to turn what's happened in the recent past into a CO saying that the father has set a precedent.

I'm happy to see that your SS hasn't been buying into BM's BS! Good for you and DH . . . and good for SS! He seems like a good egg, and could be a really positive role model for your Bio-son.

Kes's picture

Helena - is it me imagining it, or has SO got worse since the birth of your baby? I thought he used to have more backbone than this. As for the possibility of SD coming to live with you, what in hell's name gave him this idea? I thought you'd made your feelings on that plain as day. I'm sure like NPD BM, your BM will want to kick SD out once she is 18 and no longer a cash cow - we have that hanging over us too. But never going to happen, not while I live here, anyway.
I hope SO mans up and lays down the law a bit to BM.

misSTEP's picture

Our BM kicked out SD less than a month after her 18th birthday. She also scammed the system so that she is STILL receiving CS for her! Not to mention having the government pay for her to watch her own grandchild...

misSTEP's picture


Most psychotic BMs demand the moon, figuring that the dads are so scared they will give in, even if they don't know for sure what their rights are!