Good grief, BM
DH and I just talked about the problems with SS12 and his utter refusal to follow some very simple rules. DH admitted he occasionally hears from BM -- usually starting with the "I don't want to butt in, but..." (Of course followed by her butting in.)
Basically, she said SS tells her we never go anywhere. We don't go out a whole lot. We go on walks. We occasionally go out to eat. DH will sometimes take SS to the arcade or the movies for a special treat. But we don't do "fun stuff" every week. She's just appalled by that.
Even more appalling? We make him do things. We expect him to put his plates in the dishwasher, to put clean clothes away, straighten his room once a week. Bare minimum. And he generally doesn't even do that. But the fact that we make him do things is just awful. Like how when DH took electronics for a week after a particularly egregious lying incident, he was "a Nazi."
No wonder he ignores rules and chores. He's learned over there that being expected to lift a finger is unfair and unreasonable.
DH suspects SS has been telling stories. Quite possibly.
I just can't with this kid. Nothing phases him. He's annoyed when he gets in trouble. But there's no guilt. No remorse. Nothing.