Gender identity bombshell
So, earlier this week, SS10 (about to turn 11) sent DH a cryptic text. He said he was going to tell DH on his (Ss's) birthday next week, but wanted to go ahead. The flag with blue, pink, white, pink, blue represents him. DH looked it up and it's the transgender flag.
DH's message to me: WTH?!?
DH and I are both very supportive of LGBTQ+ rights and that community but this came completely out of the blue. Other than cryptic comments in the last month or so and the fact that SS went through a phase a couple of years ago of liking his mom to paint his nails, which seemed to be mostly based on his liking the attention it brought him, there's been zero sign of his feeling like he's actually a girl.
SS comes back here on Sunday and DH plans to have a gentle, non threatening talk with him to try to figure out where this is coming from, what SS understands about being transgender, etc. Not that we want him to feel doubted or unsupported but we want a clearer picture.
BM is already all-in. He announced this to her and her parents while they were opening gifts the day after Christmas. (We'll step over the fact that she didn't bother to contact DH or give him a heads-up. They usually communicate well.) She bought him girly clothes to wear when he's with her. SS asked if he could wear skirts to school next week (the school uniform is very gender-neutral) and BM said she'd ask DH. DH said no. He wants to talk to some professionals and talk to SS himself before agreeing to that. Not to mention giving the school admin a heads-up. BM immediately blasted DH for being unsupportive. She's already making references to hormone therapies.
DH feels it's important to make SS feel supported but also to get more information and guidance before charging in full-blast.
We predict a lot of drama all around.
Happy new year.*shok*
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DH's twin daughters both
DH's twin daughters both announced at 11 they were LBGT and one has swung thru L to B and is now claiming T within a few short months. They occasionally send cryptic messages and basically only talk about their sexuality when they do text him.
I dont know if it's genuine or an attention grab since the more "troubled" you are the more BM will give them attention.
I never understood while
I never understood while there was a T in LGBT, LGBs are sexual orientations and T is something else altogether. Think it does a disservice to both groups to lump them in together.
Anyway it is a good thing that society is more accepting of LGBT people, but since it's more accepted it has become trendy for kids to go through a phase claiming to be T. When I was younger the trend was for people to go through a bisexual phase that lasted maybe a year and people were mostly doing it for attention. Now the trend is for kids to go through a transsexual phase and again most of them do it for attention. Once these kids enter college and adulthood the majority of them that tried on this different identity will probably settle back into whatever they were before. A certain number will remain with their new identity but overall this is mostly a trendy thing.
My SD 14 also sent a few cryptic texts about how she prefers to where boys clothes to girls. This only lasted a couple months and I think it was because she was insecure in her body rather than questioning her sexuality.it was all for attention and I think she expected some push back from us. When that didn't happen she went back to normal.
So I have three teens
and pretty much every single one of their friends are something. Being transgender is actually pretty rare. I would say right now amongst teens it is extremely popular to be somewhere in the LGBQT spectrum. It's very not in to by cysgender and straight. This has been going for a couple of years with my girls friends group. and I would say it swings back and forth. They change their names. They change their genders. They change their sexual orientation pretty much every month. One week I'm calling the boy I knew as Sean Bianca. Now it' Allison. Then it's back to Sean and he's dating Faith, a girl. Same with my daughter's friend. Willow became Ash a boy and a year later is back to be a girl. I've seen some of the parents put their kids in therapy. I've seen some fo the parents argue back and forth whether or not to do hormones because they don't know if their kid is really trans or just in a fad. I went through this with my own Sd when she was 15 and she's now 22. She really wanted us to be against her being trans or gay and when we were very welcoming and supportive she didn't get the reaction she wanted from us. Now she's just bi and not trans. I think she wore men's clothes for all of a month.
Your SS, like all adolescents
Your SS, like all adolescents, is figuring things out and trying to find his identity. All you can do is be supportive, be available, and make sure he knows he's loved no matter what.
Yes, there does seem to be a
Yes, there does seem to be a lot of this going on right now, though IMO, it's much less common (and statistics show too) for boys. There is still a lot of stigma among males around being gay or transgender.
Let him sort it out, and be non-reactive. But do help him recognize the negative peer reaction he may get.
That's good advice and is in
That's good advice and is in line with how we plan to handle it. We live in a conservative state. He's likely to face some less-than-friendly reactions.
Exactly - so yes, we accept
Exactly - so yes, we accept this about you, but others may not. Think twice about changing your name, pronouns or dress-style in public here in Conservative State, because you may get reactions that are hurtful.
True Gender Dysphoria (especially in boys) is usually noticeable when they are younger - I say that only because it's fine for girls to be "tomboys" but if boys like girl things, it's more noticeable. It may just be the current social contagion around this issue, but it may not be. For every 30 girls we see in my clinic that identify as non-binary or trans, we see maybe one boy. It could be that they are less willing to admit it, but I also think it's less "cool" for a boy to say he's trans or non-binary than it is for a girl to do it.
A good therapist might be helpful - one that understands transgender issues, but ALSO understands that there is some social contagion going on around this issue.
My SD is on her/their/his
My SD is on her/their/his fourth gender identity now... they have had 3 sets of pronouns... and 4 names...
At one point we were told she was bi...not really sure where we are these days on sexual orientation...i think she is a identifies as gay (we're on the demi-male persona... so likes boys...)
All in all, we have a person assigned female at birth, who identifies as a male, but likes to do feminine things including dress like a female (hense the demi part) who likes boys......I'm not saying that trans people of that description don't exist but when they cannot answer any questions about how masculinity and feminity make them feel or why they identify this way beyond I just feel like a xyz....and never displayed any tendancies these ways prior to a year and a half ago when their best friend became gender queer. When they were younger we would openly discuss different gender identities and sexual orientations (in an informative and positive light) and they would always say ..I feel like a girl. It all seems to point to this being a phase.
She also seems convinced that most of the kids at her school are not straight, and didn't believe me when I told her that was statistically unlikely. This seems like a big trend amongst kids her age.
Anyway, we are taking the route of going along with it all and being supportive. The statistics on suicide amongst trans teens who are not supported are too terrifying to risk that we could be wrong. Plus my husband believes if we were against it that it would just become something that would stick all the more as it is something to rebel against us with. Luckily we are based in a big democratic city and the school district and school are supportive of lgbt kids and trans kids in particular. It seems the school has a number of trans kids.
This gender identity stuff really is the least of our worries. SD has some pretty big issues other than that so if they want to change pronouns and names every other week it is not a big deal to us (though sometimes tough to keep up with).