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And now… suspension

Hastings's picture

So now SS12 is suspended from school for three days for fighting. DH got a call Tuesday night from the assistant principal, who told him there were two incidents and SS would have to face consequences. The next morning, DH got a call to pick him up and keep him home for three days.

SS had mentioned the first incident to a teacher and BM. Apparently, he walked into a bathroom and there was a fight going on, someone got shoved into him and he shoved back (caught on student's camera -- those aren't allowed in bathrooms, but anyway). He said it happened again early this week.

Not quite true. He sought out one kid and challenged him. Same kid from the bathroom. Apparently he's been hassling SS and his friends and SS decided to take him on.

The AP was very understanding about the whole thing. SS never gets in trouble at school, so she was surprised and was going to let him off easy, but the fact that there were two incidents made that impossible. The other kid is a problem -- this is his third suspension and he just transferred to the school in January. The AP had told SS multiple times to avoid this kid when possible.

SS has gotten s talking-to about fighting, avoiding situations, how to handle things better. Electronics have been confiscated except for his school laptop, which he needs for assignments.

After bringing him home, DH had to leave for some in-person client meetings. I heard SS come down for his lunch and after a bit, go back up. When I went to fix my lunch, I noticed his lunchbox was missing.

I went upstairs just as SS was coming out of the bathroom.

Me: Did you eat your lunch?

SS nods brightly.

Me: Did you take it to your room?

SS deer in headlights, nods.

Me: are you allowed to do that?

SS head shake.

Me: Then take everything downstairs.

He was NOT happy.

I wasn't either. You get suspended from school and then turn right around and break a rule - again? Does he think we're stupid? Doesn't matter. I don't think he cares. He knows nothing's going to change. All he has to do is wait for Sunday and he's back at BM's.

She thinks DH's consequences are too draconian. If SS breaks rules, lies, nearly flunks classes, her approved response is to take away electronics for a couple of hours.

DH is way too lax, in my opinion, but at least he's more hard-line than that.

Today we're all home for lunch and there's SS in his pajamas, watching tv and chatting happily away. Any bets on whether he's actually done any schoolwork? The kid's on freaking vacation. Anyway, I'm keeping my mouth shut.

This one really hit DH where it hurts, though. He was planning to do a fun day trip Friday afternoon but now he can't since SS will be home and I refuse to be left alone with him all day when I have a big project to finish. Maybe that will add to his "reasons I need tk work on parenting my kid" list.

Comments

la_dulce_vida's picture

Daddy-kins needs to take his snookums and leave for the day on Saturday to do something like chores or volunteering so as not to reward his snookums OR annoy you while you're finishing your project.

 

Rags's picture

off.

Better to have them shoveling gravel in to buckets and carrying those buckets across the school yard moving piles back and forth for 3 days while their classmates are going about the normal school day.

12yo is more than old enough to experience some notable consequences for poor behavioral choices.

He is only a couple of years from being of age for ... Military School!!!  He needs it.

Time for daddy to have a few cubic yards of sandy loam delivered to the drive way then give the 12yo two buckets and a shover to move that dirt to bare patches in the lawn, the flower beds, etc...... Or, a few cubic years of pea gravel dumped in the drive and have the kid move the pile back and forth across the yard for the 3 days of suspension.Starting when he would normally get on the bus, and stopping when he would normally get home. Any whining or crying.... he can keep going even longer each of the 3 days.

That is a lesson he will not likely ever forget.

IMHO

Hastings's picture

Both are good ideas and things I would support. Fat chance, though. After finishing his homework and (allegedly) cleaning his room, he went outside to play around with his hoverboard. Now he's hanging out watching TV and being obnoxious. I took my dog and we're reading in another room.

DH gripes about SS's behavior but doesn't do anything about it for two reasons: he doesn't know what to do and he doesn't want to be bothered. (Or be accused by BM of being too harsh on little precious pants.)

Nothing gets to this kid. As a kid and even now, if I knew I'd messed up, I would feel horrible -- and make darned sure I didn't screw up again. SS doesn't seem to care at all. He'll start crying at the slightest correction, then is all cheerful and chatty and annoying. (We can't watch anything without sarcastic comments and "jokes.")

He's going back to BM Saturday this week -- not a moment too soon.