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Second marriage ss 11 spoiled no consequence!

Happywifehappylife's picture

Here goes...

I need help!

new marriage, second for us both.

my kids 21/24 self sufficient no probs!  I raised them with manners, expectations and respect.

my so, kids 11/14.

11 yr old...

pushes boundaries constantly, does whatever he wants.  No consequence for actions.  He gets more and more and more.  He swears, has access 24/7 to any social media and has accounts.  Has made in appropriate comments online.  Guess what? Still has his phone!

despite was expressing suicidal ideation in Nov.  came home from our honeymoon to horrible behavior! Behavior was directed at his moms boyfriend.  Involved a bat and a lightbulb.

he has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety He is actually quite proud of that diagnosis 

he continues to disrespect, including yesterday at school telling his counselor his teacher was a f!!!!!

and stated I'm leaving. He did!  His mom took yet another day off work!

today, he got a new pet!

um told this by my so last night.  Whenever he tells me things I become defensive.  Due to no repercussions.  No cell phone taken, no grounding.

then we argue.

i have or get no say!

hes not suicidal anymore but everyone plays that card with him.  My so was constantly called and asked to run over and fix it!  He did at first, is now better.

his response is a just wait and see.

neither one of his bio parents are doing anything to correct these issues.  

What do I do?

we have been married 3 months and omg!!!

 I'm like wth?
 

love love him.

Help?

so much more to say!

Comments

tog redux's picture

 You will find a lot of similar stories here.  As you have figured out, your DH is the real problem here, he's not parenting appropriately.  It's not your job to parent him and it won't work if you try to be the disciplinarian, all that will happen is that both of his parents will agree with him that you are being too mean and hard on him.

He's only 11, this is likely to get worse.  All you can do is set boundaries on what you will and won't do for him, what you won't accept in your home, and work with DH on his parenting - nothing you can do about BM.

I have to ask - was all of this not clear before you married him? Or did you hope you could help make it better?

Happywifehappylife's picture

No it wasn't this clear!  
These issues have become so severe.

the situation has really just exploded since November 

 

 

somethingwicked's picture

And November was the month you came home from your honeymoon?Is that what you wrote?

Skid may be getting his  feral emotional signals from a jealous biohobag.BM is projecting her anger, frustrations with Ex getting remarried or something on the skid who also is angry with is own ax to grind b/c  the Holy First Family dissolved due to one or both parents. He wants attention and will get it the best way he knows how.

And your DH is weak ~ a poor parent not instilling  guidelines,boundaries and consequences. 

3 months of this nightmare and skid is only 11?

Two words : Military school.

Two More :Wilderness Academy

And Two More : Hell No.

I'd find myself a nice apartment ,tell H to come visit when he can OR get this annulled if there is no clear path forward to help little Dexter with his  deep seated emotional and manipulative issues.

.

 

Happywifehappylife's picture

Thanks

i agree!  Military school would be perfect!

its odd though because we have and always have had a good relationship.  He doesn't seem angry with me.

he is so young.  I'm sure he can't understand how he is feeling.

so it's Mon now and last night get a text from bm that ss is refusing to go to school and she is not taking day off!  So what is dh supposed to do?  Babysit?

hes 11! Like get your ass to school!

any suggestions how?  Trust me he's strong and wouldn't go willingly in the car.   Seriously though, he's at home by himself now. Playing video games, watching tv?

I agree he is acting out for attention. Im sure he feels out of control.  He's under care of psychiatric dr, counseling and on meds.

he just needs a basic set of rules and expectations with rewards and punishments.

 He was definitely having full blown panic attacks. Diagnosed with anxiety and depression 

i feel like he uses this as a get out of jail free card to get what he wants and play his parents.

i see his bm just giving up.  She's fed up and can't deal with it anymore.

 

He has always been very spoiled with no clear boundaries set or punishment for disobedience.

actually his cell was taken away for 1 day!!

my husband which is DH right?  Is actually starting to change his attitude and see that this behavior from ss is irrational and attention seeking.  
we have been going to couples therapy and it's going so well.  He is learning so much about himself and I'm so happy to see this.  It's having a direct reflection on our relationship and his ability to see ss situation more realistically!

thanks for listening 

so glad to have found this site!

 

 

Happywifehappylife's picture

Yes it has!!

yes I think she is "drama" in general!!

the things she expects of DH are unrealistic and he is doing a better job saying no to her!

He needs to say no more to ss though.

hes worries that if he pushes too hard that ss will push away!

its only teaching ss that he doesn't have to have respect or any disciplinary action!

 

thinkthrice's picture

BM annnnndddddd......(fill in the blank)