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moments like this i wish dh didnt have a child with someone else.

happymostly's picture

Spent time with my SIL, my almost 2 year old niece, my mom, and SIL's friend and her 5 month old daughter today for a few hours. then Babysat my niece with my mom for an hour while SIL and her friend and daughter went to the store across town. dh and I were supposed to get sd7 this weekend (4 day weekend) it was a last minute thing on Wednesday, dh was going to pick her up yesterday after work, but dh and bm got into it and bm hung up on him and wouldnt return his calls and dh wasnt about to drive the 3 hour round trip to go see if she would let him have her.
Dh is at work right now, and after playing with my niece (which makes me want a child of my own really bad! lol) I just so wish I didnt have to deal with another child from another mother. I love my sd very much she is such a doll and bm isnt as crazy as some of the bms on here, but just times like this, I wish dh and i were a 'first' family with no previous children, no court orders, no pickup/dropoffs, having to pay CS, having to deal with a bm that thinks she knows everything about parenting... and Im so young to have to be dealing with this, I feel like at times, 21! one of the youngest on this site. Listening to my SIL talk about the future plans for her and my brother and their daughter just makes me wish I had my own family and there was no outside children. I am glad though that sd is 7, sometimes I wish she was older, but then she will probably be a raging teenager and worse to deal with lol.
oh well, it is what it is and I dont think in the end I would change it because then dh wouldnt be who he was...

Comments

young_step_mom's picture

I'm 21 too and reading your post almost made me cry. I feel the exact same way. I get so down sometimes thinking about all the firsts I am going to have when I finally have my own kid which will all be seconds for DH. I hate that he had another kid and sometimes I really stress about how things are going to be when we have our own. Is he going to be the same with all the kids? Is he going to give me "tips" because he has already done this? Wow I just totally brought myself down, but I guess that's what happens when you marry someone with a kid. Sad

herewegoagain's picture

RUN RUN RUN...please run...you should NOT have to put with with this craziness and being second the rest of your life, especially not at 21...the ONLY thing that saves my sanity at 42 is thinking that at 21 25 30 I had a life! If not, I would've lost it by now...actually, getting pretty close. My first husband was an ahole...his family a bit crazy & needy...my current husband very sweet...the ex, bm, il's mess because of it, cs, etc. a nightmare...If I could turn the clock I would be with my sometimes mean ex-husband instead of dealing with a nice husband and a FOREVER life of crap from a BM, and skid...

Bless you...if you were my daughter, and well, you could be...I would be bribing you with anything you would want to get you OUT of that relationship and let you see the life without the crazy ex-wives and kids...good luck to you.

bruisedpeach's picture

I think that if me and SO ever have a baby we will make the most awesome parenting team every. I was always good with kids anyway as i HAD A GOOD EXAMPLE in both SM AND MY BM and he is a good dad when he puts the effort in. Plus he will have gone thru the baby thing 3 times already so will be able to calm me down if i turn all protecto mom.
I will never parent like BM. my skids are so effed up beyond belief.

ddakan's picture

Awe, you are right to want that and your life would be MUCH easier if you were with a man who has no children. I loved my life when I had no skids and no BM to deal with. They are a constant source of drain from your life and they will be forever.

The best I can do is have a happy family with DH and our ds9. We consider it our "family" and we don't consider his skids family because they only call when they want money. There are 3 of them. We are cordial to them, but they don't want relationship, they want it in CASH!

z3girl's picture

I wish all the time that DH hadn't all "done it all" before he met me. I'm not young, 33, but we've been together almost 5 years, and it hurt like hell when he said "I'm not excited about our wedding because I've already done it before." And now I'm having my first baby, and he already knows what it's like to have a baby because he already had one. The only thing going for me is that it was so long ago, things have changed (baby products) and he doesn't remember all the details. In the worst way, I wish we could experience the big things in life for the first time together. Once, shortly after we got married, he said to me, "Did you know that aside from SD, you are the most important person in my life?" And I responded to him, "Then I guess we better have a child together because I feel like a stalker since you are the only important person in my life." It just sucks and I would never marry a man with kids if I were to do it all over again.

sandye21's picture

For me, it is years and years of not having ANY control when SD36 is over. For example, just before Christmas SD and her hubby came to visit. I went to a meeting and when I returneded home HD, SD and SD's hubby were baking cookies as gifts to all of their freinds and relatives - except me of course. I got one cookie. No one said "Hi, bye or kiss my ass." I was totally invisible. I felt like an outsider in my own home. No one asked or informed me that they were going to be making a big mess in the kitchen that I would be partly cleaning up. If they had at least let me know ahead of time I would not felt like I had NO control.