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BM at it again

Happycamper's picture

So DH contacted BM to try to talk to her more about taking the house out of his name. She’s ruined his credit. She won’t pay it on time and she let the second mortgage go into foreclosure. He’s been divorced for 6 years!!! Looks like I’m going to have to hire a lawyer. Somehow he hangs up with a list of things that we have to help her pay for in addition to everything else that we pay for. I just don’t get it. She gets into his head and convinces him that if he doesn’t pay for more he’s not doing right by his kids. Doesn’t matter that they spend money frivolously. They take European trips and spend tons on clothing, etc. BM has no budget then wants us to pick up more. She’s having a big graduation party for SD. She hasn’t talked to us about it at all but I do know that she’s renting a place, having it catered, etc. yesterday she tells him he should be helping her pay for the party that she’s planning and inviting her people. I tell DH we should do our own. We did my daughter’s on a budget and it was super nice. I baked my own cake, etc. skids BM thinks they are too good for stuff like that. I keep telling ash that makes spoiled, entitled kids. He says his aren’t that way. They literally have never been told no to anything. Oh yes, I told y’all how BM refuses to acknowledge me when I’m at an activity. I keep telling DH she has resentment. He didn’t believe me until she went off on a tangent on how my car is nicer than hers and our house is bigger than hers. DH told her that was MY money not his. Also she started crying and telling him how she keeps looking at pictures of their old family and how happy they used to be. Really??? 6 years lady!!! I so want to move away!!!


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Oh my goodness... Even if your car is nicer and your house is bigger and it was partially because of his money. HOW THE HECK IS THAT HER BUSINESS??? As long as he's paying what he's required to and taking care of the skids when they're with him it's not. Last time I checked you are the wife, and she is nothing except a co-parent who apparently has no money skills!!!

Some people's exes... I'd want to move too Happy! (Actually I do...) Why is he taking these bogus money grubbing calls???

Happycamper's picture

He actually called her this time about her not doing what she’s supposed to with the house still being in his name. I still can’t figure out how that call turned into her needing more money! She’s in contempt!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

How frustrating for you!

Be the spine your H lacks when he gets around BM's crazy. Lawyer up, and do so relentlessly.

I firmly believe we SMs would all be better served by recognizing and accepting our SOs' limitations. Some people are just incapable of dealing with certain stuff at certain points, KWIM?

I love dogs's picture

Are you even invited to this glamorous grad party that you're expected to help pay for? I don't understand the big parties for high school graduations. My dad barbecued for me and 4 friends and my cousin happened to be in town. My family is mostly in another state so that may have been a reason, but a venue and catering? No.

Edit: I don't even know what to say about the "old family" comment.

Happycamper's picture

Well I haven’t been invited. DH hasn’t either for that matter but he’s going. He won’t dare miss anything for SD. It’s going to be all of her family and friends. I told him how horrible that will be where we are the odd man out and no one will even talk to me. He just doesn’t get it. He thinks I shouldn’t let any of that bother me and we should both be there for SD. I told him today that SD doesn’t even acknowledge me. He always has an excuse for that. This time it’s yhe fact that she now has a boyfriend and is preoccupied. She can manage to say hello to everyone that shows up for  her activities but me. I’m so tired of the excuses. 

I love dogs's picture

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't! Evil SM doesn't attend, she hates SD. You do go, SD ignores you like the little witch she is and more resentment/ dislike builds. Has your H filed contempt charges against BM for not taking his name off of the home?

Happycamper's picture

He hasn’t filed charges yet because he’s been allowing  her to use the skids as excuses. He kept giving her more and more time. Now that one skid is graduating and the other isn’t far behind and the real estate market is up, he had given her toll this month. That’s why he called. She gives a million excuses and now wants till December. She’s not going to do anything. We will probably be hiring a lawyer this summer. I’m telling you, if I have to pay for a lawyer she better not ask for an extra penny for anything ever again. 

s-kill me's picture

I totally agree with ProbablyAlreadyInsane.  Even if you were a stay-at-home mom and your DH paid for everything and it was nicer than hers... too freaking bad.  It has nothing to do with her.  Ugh that pissed me off.

StepMamaBear6's picture

No is a full sentence.  Just say no.  Or as my five year old autistic son says when he is mad and doesn't want to do what I am asking him to do, "I said no thank you!"


Ispofacto's picture

I would just let the foreclosure happen.  They almost never go after any deficiencies.  If they do, that would be the time to take her to court.  Yes, his credit will get dinged, but then the house will be off his name.  It will happen whether he likes it or not. Don't waste your money.

Happycamper's picture

Well now she’s paying it intermittently. She refuses to let it go or sell it. She could make money off of it if she sells it. She won’t though because she knows it’s a hold she has over DH. 

JanRebecca's picture

Exactly - she's using it to 'control' him.. ugh he needs to get his name off ASAP no matter how he has to do that.

ishouldrun's picture

It took 3 years of going to court and $8,000.00 in attorney fees to finally get her to refinance the mortgage in her name.  I don't know wy these BM's think that just because they drop a kid out of their uterus they have a right to hold onto a guy for the rest of his life even after they've decided to kick him to the curb because they got caught having an affair with his married so-called best friend.  There should be a reality show called "Trashy BMs"  As for the graduation party - I would not go where I would be left feeling uncomfortable for hours with noone to talk to.  I'd tell DH we go to the school graduation to show support of SD, take SD out for a nice dinner and hand her a check and say "since BM threw you a really nice open house for your friends and family, we are giving you this money to finance a really nice trip to celebrate your graduation" or something like this.  

Happycamper's picture

It’s ridiculous that these BM’s can get away with this crap. It’s just eating on me. DH insists we go to the party. I even offered to just do our own but he has to be there. Now he told BM he would buy the cake for the party. Here’s one for ya...she’s sending him pics of 3 tier wedding cakes for the kids graduation party that start at $300!!! I told him we will provide a sheet cake and that’s it. It’s already $100 because she’s invited everyone she knows apparently. Can’t wait to get past all of this!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Don't give in, and don't go to the party. You know what's what, despite your besotted invertebrate Disney DH's manipulative words.

I've said it before - they're all sick, together. Which means that you need to look out for you, because nobody else is going to. Your H is somewhat delusional, isn't he, expecting you to ignore the fact that BM is financially sodomizing him (and by extension you) in order to play happy family at a party that neither bio parent can afford. It's all just insanity.

I hope you'll draw some hard boundaries and tell your DH that for the sake of your marriage you need him to do what's required to resolve the financial issues that tie him to BM. Lace up your bi!ch boots, separate finances, and give him clarity that without you, he'll be living under a bridge. You've been too nice for too long.