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Another day, another argument

Happycamper's picture

I totally lost it yesterday. Again. I'm getting to where I can only take so much. SD17 was over doing her project which took a lot longer than the two of them thought. I drove up about 10 minutes after she left. I know this because I passed her on the road. DH had called me about 45 minutes before telling me she was leaving then. He came outside saying something about how long it took me to get home. Yes I found things to do knowing he was helping her with homework. I said something like you can't be alone for 10 minutes? He then started arguing with me about her leaving over 40 minutes and there was no way I passed her blah blah blah. He stormed off. I went inside and told him I'm tired of walking on egg shells. I shouldn't be afraid to come home or afraid to open my mouth. I said nothing wrong. He said I "brought his kid into it." All I said was that I passed her! That is how defensive he is of his kids. He went on and on again how she left over 40 minutes ago basically calling me a liar. Then she texts him she made it home. She lives 5 miles away so that proves I saw her!!! Not that it really matters!!! He's arguing for the sake of arguing. When dinner rolls around, he sits on the phone with SD the entire time. From start to finish because she couldn't find where she was driving to. Instead of having her put it in the navigation he has to be the savior and try to figure out where she's at. He talked to her till she got where she was going. He hung up and had the nerve to be mad because I didn't ask if she was ok! Obviously she was ok! She was on the phone with him the entire time! I'm not gonna treat her like a baby like both DH and BM do. Oh yeah, he texted my DD something and got mad at me because she didn't text back. It as rubbing it in about his football team. He stupidly said he will do the same thing and when she texts him he will refuse to answer. I have him the standard answer he gives me when his kids ignore me...I'm sure she doesn't mean anything by it. He doesn't like thay answer when it's directed towards him. I reminded him how my DD has a great relationship with him when she's visiting. If he wants to be immature and ruin that because he's tit for tat that's on him. I'm seriously down in the dumps. Like for real. I just want to feel happy again.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

OMG your DH needs to pull up his giant man baby diaper! What is his deal?? My DH would do this crap, but nowhere near on the level that yours does. I remember saying to him once, what do you want me to do???? Sit on the floor with SD and sing Kumbaya and toss glitter around the room? She's a teenager! She's happy to watch TV, be on her phone 24/7, and have me leave her alone! I don't need to be in her face and I sure as shit am not going to bend over like some freaking contortionist to try and show her love and affection, when she clearly doesn't want it from me. She has two parents! Ugh. Annoying AF!

TinyDancer's picture

Who is he married to? Remind him and if that isn't enough, which sad to say it might not be, then you have some thinking to do about how you want to live the rest of your life. This isn't working, you don't seem very happy. Pro/Con list?

Acratopotes's picture

hehehe Daizy said it... go and buy a packet of adult diapers and every time he has a mantrum hand him one... }:)

jokes aside...

Him complaining how long it took you to get home, smile and say, well the movie only finished about 10min ado, or they just delivered my desert Hon... or give the standard teenager answer he's use to - sorry I lost track of time

next time you are out, please do have dinner on your own, it's much more fun having dinner alone watching people then sitting at home with a dead person playing on his phone ignoring you..... he's an adult man he can make his own dinner

Not asking if she's okay - do what I do, smile and say... if something happened you would've told me, I did not listen to your phone conversation Wink

Him being pissed of cause your DD did not jump to reply, look baffled and say - Oh I will talk to her about ignoring you, and then let it go lol...
I give a standard answer now, well Deigma is an adult I can't force him to answer even if it's my messages, he has his own life and does not need me wiping his nose any more...

I disengaged from SO's brat, and then SO decided tit for tat, he will disengage from my son, My son picked up on it immediately cause he greeted SO, SO ignored him and that was the last.. Deigma does not even bother greeting him anymore, SO complained and I laughed and said, well you ignored him, he did nothing wrong and was always polite to you, he has his own mind and don't cry because you took your frustration out on my son to get at me, does not bother me at all... SO went and apologized to Deigma for being rude, he got the reply apology accepted and Deigma still ignores him... kid is an adult he can choose for himself, I keep on saying, nothing to do with me... it's between you and Deigma,

StepMat789's picture

Yikes. I have had instances in the past when my DH gets all defensive and then starts picking on my kids just because he can. Men grow up, but they are still babies.

Find your happy place, you can't fix everything.

Amcc13's picture

I hate this situation. It's so sad and so unhappy. Your such a kind person and deserve better
I also hate that it continues but that's your call.

WagiMorri's picture

This guy sounds super immature... He's actually mad at someone for not responding to a text where he's making fun of someone's team losing a game? Grow up dude...

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

You guys need help.

Yes your DH is in the wrong but unless you guys seek therapy together this is only going to get worse and that may not even help.

Honestly this feels a lot like the last year of my previous marriage. It was always a fight and my partner was just looking for a reason. There was no stopping it on my end.

It feels like your partners got a lot of pent up anger or frustration from whatever source. It's not fair for you to be the punching bad.

CANYOUHELP's picture

I think when you live in this crazy step dynamic this happens frequently, though possibly for different reasons depending on the day. Maybe it makes him feel more in control of a situation when he knows he has no control-- by blaming you instead. These defensive man tantrums, make the person feel stronger, I suppose; and, especially when they refuse to do anything to change anybody's horrible behavior. It is a way of avoiding reality, I believe, by blaming you for pointing out the truth. I realized long ago, I will always be the blame for pointing out anything he wants to ignore (which is all their disgusting behavior). Consequently, I will never be around them again...you may get to this place too one day, if this continues. I never mention them and do not want him to mention them to me either. They are no longer ANY part of my life now; easy to let him do as he pleases, if you can do the same. I would never even mention the kid again.

Blaming you is also a way of making you stay quiet. But, I sense that you, like me, will not do that regardless of the man tantrum he pitches. Remember, it is his blood pressure he is blowing up and do not let him effect yours. Say your piece and if he starts the tantrum get away from him any way you can-- until the little boy calms down.

Happycamper's picture

I would be oh so happy to not discuss the kids but SD17 seems to be the only thing the man wants to talk about! She's never had a boyfriend before and she likes someone so today that's all DH wanted to talk about. I'm tired of hearing it.

advice.only2's picture

I wouldn't have even acknowledged that I saw SD driving at all.
"Oh she left 40 minutes ago, how nice sorry I got held up."

Sitting at dinner DH on phone with SD, get up and leave.
DH: Why did you leave?
You: well usually when somebody is on the phone I like to give them the courtesy of privacy.
DH: You didn't even ask if SD was okay.
You: well of course I didn't have to, you are so good at taking care of her I don't need to worry about it.

Saying he won't text your SD anymore since she didn't respond:
"Oh she didn't respond back to you? Does she do that often? Well I'm sorry you feel it necessary to ignore her."

Happycamper's picture

I need to get better at the game playing and learn how to shut off my emotions and get the IDGAS attitude.