It's starting to get rocky already...and we haven't even started school yet
It's been a while since I've been on. Things went well last week with counseling. We discussed the influences of BM and MIL and how it affects our life and home. The counselor talked with both of us and my DH said some pretty emotional and deep thoughts regarding his mother and how and why she affects him the way she does. That he knows she does but the guilt of feeling responsible for her keeps pulling on him but he is seeing just how destructive she is. We discussed together how to handle when she starts and what he can do about it. Telling her things like "Mom, you are the grandparent. How we discipline our children and our expectations of our children are not your concern, I'm going to have to hang up now if that's what you called to talk about" "Mom, hanging is my wife, I will not listen to you talk negatively about her, if that's why you called I'm going to have to hang up now" "Mom, I'm not interested in BM's life, thoughts, or how or what she feels. Her home is her home, mine is mine, they are not integrated. If that's why you called I will have to hang up now"...you get the picture right? So far MIL has NOT called and contacted him yet. It's three weeks now. I do believe that will end soon, as school starts next week, but yet I am hoping that this may go on longer. We will see. At least we have a plan that we are both comfortable with and agreed upon. The same goes for BM. And not being responsive to her texts.
Skids came back yesterday afternoon while I was at work. And within five mins of my bios being in the house there were issues. That F'ing xbox is a pain in the ass!! OSS has games I don't allow BS8 to watch him play. OSS had been playing them for awhile before BS came home. BS wanted to hang out in the kid room, came up and said OSS was playing a game he wasn't supposed to watch, I told him well then find something else to do for now. (With the intent that OSS could play a bit longer and then it would be time to turn it off as all the kids were now home). DH called OSS up and told him to turn it off and play a game that BS was allowed to play also. OSS said okay, but was not happy about it. DH goes outside, grumpy. I walk out and ask what's wrong, the answer, "the kids are home five minutes and they are already fighting about the video games!" I said so take it away. "Why should it get taken away from everyone (meaning OSS because pretty much just him and BS play, YSS occasionally)? Because BS comes up whining he can't be down there and OSS is playing his game. OSS never gets time to play his game." I am getting slightly upset at this point. I told my son that he didn't need to play right then. I told my son that he could find something else to do. DH is the one that told OSS to stop with that game. As for the kid NEVER getting to play? The last week he was at our home, DH let him play pretty much all day, every day, and until midnight or later on two occasions when I finally said, "OSS it's time to go to bed" to which the reply was "my dad said I could play" My response "Maybe he did, but I don't believe he meant all night. I am going to bed now. I have to work tomorrow. I want the game turned off and you in your bed. Your father isn't here, which means I am responsible and I'm going to bed and I want you in your bed like the rest of the kids now too" So DH was pissy...which made me cranky too. It was a tense evening...of course DH acts like nothing is wrong today. Of course. sigh
So now we get a bill today from the school. OSS returned his school issued ipad broken. It costs $50 as part of the insurance we have on it. This is the SECOND time that OSS has been careless with his ipad. The first time I paid for it and told him, this is your one free pass. If it breaks again...you will be paying for it. DH says "we have a bill for $50 for OSS ipad." I told him, "well that sucks. OSS is going to have to come up with the $50 from his savings that he has (he is saving for a dirtbike apparently...cuz yeah he's responsible enough for that! NOT). I paid for it last time and told him at that time that he would be responsible from here on out" DH: "Well it wasn't really OSS's fault. Some kid knocked it out of his arm while he was walking down the hall. (maybe...maybe not. I am going to say most likely not, as OSS is very good at it ALWAYS being someone else's fault for EVERYTHING). I'll text BM and tell her she needs to pay for it since she signed the responsibility form for the ipad when it was issued." My thoughts were: 1) yeah okay. Good luck with that. She won't pay a dime for socks for at HER house but she's going to pay $50 2.) really the kid needs to be more responsible. He should have been making sure he was in control of it at all times. Four other kids have school issued ipads, and none of them have yet to need to pay for damage even once. I personally think the kid should pay for it. Then maybe he will be more responsible. DH calls me. SAys I texted BM and she said no so I talked to OSS and told him he was going to have to pay for it. That we already did it once and even though it wasn't his fault, sometimes things happen that require you to spend money you were planning on using elsewhere. (slightly irritated with that convo as really DH? You're giving him the "it wasn't your fault?" It should be, "it is your responsibility to make sure that your ipad is taken care of at all times and does not get damaged. Therefore it is your responsibility to pay the insurance deductible". OSS is going to pay for it. PERIOD. And in all honesty, I really don't think it should have been BM's responsibility. I don't think she should have been asked to take care of it. NOW, if she doesn't want OSS to have to pay for it out of his own money and CHOOSES to pay it for him, well that's on her and certainly her choice, but I don't think she should have been asked. OSS was given a free pass once, and still didn't make sure he safeguarded the ipad like he should have.
I can see already it's going to be another year of excuses and blame on someone else. Mind you, the kid knew it was broke and never said a word all summer...until the school sends a bill so he can get his schedule. OKAY.