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Like water under the B*ver dam so are the days of DH's life

halo1998's picture

Fasten your seatbelts..it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Beaver as we have seen believes in the "my kids are my friiiiieeeeeenddssss" theory of parenting. I have never subscribed to that theory.  Also, between DH and I we had 4 kids.  There were more of them than there we us and there was no way I was ever letting the inmates run our asylym. 

It seems the chickens have come home to roost at the Beaver dam.  SD has a terrible time putting down her ipad/iphone at night and not being on snap chat, text messages whatever.  **See a previous blog on this subject***  DH takes SD electronics at night due to this issue.  SD grumbles a bit and tries to argue a little..but in the end DH will tell SD.  "I have asked you once to give me your electronics, if I have to ask again you will no longer have these items.  I am NOT arguing about this and it is not up for debate."  That being said, SD will hand over everything because she knows DH will take her electronics and they will be gone for a considerable length of time.  All of our kids know...do NOT make me tell you or ask you twice, if you do, you will not like the consequences.   

Beaver as we seen never follows through with anything and doesn't like to discipline anyone...it ruins them being "friiieeennndsss".

Apparently, last night Beaver decided she wanted SD to turn down her music around 11:30 p.m.  SD claims she did and then Beaver decided she just wanted to take SD's ipad.  SD was having none of that and refused.  (SD was in the wrong here....very in the wrong).  A physical fight between SD and Beaver ensues...and Beaver ends up hitting, scratching and biting SD to get the ipad.  

SD texted her Dad this morning and wants him to pick her up today so she can get away from Beaver and GWR. Beaver is at work today and SD is at Beaver Sr and Mr. Beaver's house.  DH has immediate first right of refusal when Beaver is at work.   Beaver put this in the paperwork when she stayed at home so that she could get the kids during the day if DH wasn't there.  That table has turned and Beaver is not home now and DH is 100% work from home for years.

*******SSCREEEECHH**** WtF...hitting, scratcing and biting.  Oh MY....now SD was wrong to argue.  No doubt about that but I told DH years ago that this would happen.  If you don't start out sending your kids a message...do not mess with me..you will not like it...then when you do...they just ignore the crap out of you and argue with you.  WE are at that point with SD and Beaver.

So, DH will get SD this morning from the grandbeaver dam and then call Beaver to discuss this whole thing.  We let SD know she may have to go back to her mother's, but, at 14 she does have some say in where she is.  If SD wants to live here (I think she has for awhile)..then that will be a longer conversation.

Stay tuned for the next episode  of As the Beaver dam turns....

Comments

advice.only2's picture

Hmm I think it will depend on if Beaver is arrogant enough to believe that DH wouldn't turn her in for child abuse. Yes SD was wrong, but no child deserves that. ETA this still sounds like Beavers way of getting back at SD for narcing on her brother.
Meth Mouth once dragged Spawn out of the house by her hair hitting her and shoved her in the car, she then drove them around screaming at Spawn she was going to kill them both...allegedly Meth Mouth did this because Spawn didn't clean up her room like she was asked.

halo1998's picture

but I need to get SD here to find out the details before I make that call.  It will be me..just like it was when her brother decided to be douche bag to her. 

SMH....sigh....

tog redux's picture

You don't need details - just that she told you her mother hit and bit her to get her iPad away will be good enough. 

halo1998's picture

I will call. SMH...I never had these issues...even with the VI..he was abusive to me...but never to the kids.   That I can honestly say about him.

MissK03's picture

She hit, scratched and bite her?! WTF! Who bites??! Is she rabid? 

Sounds like the beaver dam is about to breach. Sounds like SD will want out. Granted, ok should have been off the iPad but, I'm sure it is the combo of things going on at her mothers house. 

No way beaver is going to just let her stay at your house either because of CS. 
 

Good luck! 

halo1998's picture

and had no issues with them.  Called Beaver who didn't put up much of a fight.  However, Beaver blammed the whole thing on the ipad and now SD isn't allowed to bring it to her house.  

SD doesn't have any bruises or anything....

tog redux's picture

Even without bruises they will likely take the call. It's so egregiously crappy parenting. 

halo1998's picture

I appreciate your insight.  This is all new to me....DH and I never used physical punishment for the kids....or anything of the like.

tog redux's picture

If she just hit her, no marks, they wouldn't take it - you can hit your kids legally, sadly.  But the scratching and biting is a no-go. 

JRI's picture

I know most of our SDs are a pita but I feel for your SD.  She's had a hard time lately.  She's only 14, right?

Picardy III's picture

BM did this with both SSs at different times, as they each hit puberty and were too big to discipline physically. She didn't leave marks, but she lost control of herself and flailed and pinched. Then threatened to call the police on *SS* for attacking *her.*

It didnt rise to CPS call, no marks and "she said he said" - but it gutted their loyalty to her.

lieutenant_dad's picture

You need to call CPS for a few different reasons.

First, you're showing SD that, just like with punishments, you're going to do the adult and right things by the kids. If SD lied about Beaver, she'll learn that her lies get her not very far. If she isn't lying, she knows that you're sticking up for her. Since she doesn't know it was you that called the school about GWR, she may not think her parents have her back in these kinds of situations.

Second, it puts Beaver on notice. Y'all are paying attention. She can't just do whatever and there not be consequences. Perhaps this instance will push Beaver to release SD without much fuss.

Third, if Beaver really did attack SD over an iPad, she should be held accountable. She should be faced with having to explain herself. Even if CPS doesn't do anything, Beaver either has to own up to what she did or lie, which SD will hear/see. That will ruin any faith/trust SD has with Beaver.

So, call CPS. It warrants the call. Let them sort out the details.

halo1998's picture

for the ipad.  SD was like oh no she didn't..she bit me.  SD was angry that her mother was lying but not surprised.  

Interestingly, SD did text her friend right after the incident and told them the same thing she told us.  Even this kid told her to call the cops that it was abuse. This was all BEFORE she ever told DH.  

Gimlet's picture

Hey Halo,

I PMed you, you used a name in this comment.  Please feel free to delete my comment here once you've fixed it.  Wanted you to see this ASAP.

halo1998's picture

I told them about last night, the "prank" her brother did, her mother texting that she wishes she had never been born, that Beaver throws stuff at her like glasses, etc.  That SD isn't allowed to have a conversation with her father without being on speaker phone, everything.  I told them about GWR drug habit and peeing in bottles downstairs and leaving them.  That he has already failed a court ordered drug test, etc. That we suspect alcohol issues at Beavers as well.

DH decided SD is not going back to Beaver's.  They at the very least need cooling off time.  He also called his attorney who advised calling cps and keeping SD here.

 

Winterglow's picture

I, for one, am proud of you. It isn't easy calling the authorities. You did the right thing. 

advice.only2's picture

I'm glad you did this and were able to do what you can to protect SD14. Sadly when we got custody of Spawn she wouldn't tell us anything pertaining to Meth Mouth, we had to hear it second hand over the years we had her while we fought to retain custody. At least your SD trusts you guys and is letting you know she's being abused. We never could help Spawn because she never would tell us.

Harry's picture

SD is not going to like your rules at your home.  No texting and no unlimited screen time at night.  She has school time to sleep.  When her friends at at school.   So you are fighting a losing battle.  SD will forgive Beaver.  Just a new phone and some MickeyDs will do the trick. 
 

You will be better off to go by the letter of your CO.  

halo1998's picture

However, in this rare instance DH did.  He does not intend to keep SD forever, but, until they both cool down and we can get a handle on this situation.  If DH knowing sent SD back to what could be a dangerous sitatution he could be held just a cuplpable.  Therefore, it is in everyone's best interest to keep SD here for all of what amounts to a day and half of her mother's time to assess the situation. 

This was the advice of both our attorney and our friend who is a police officer.  

JRI's picture

I'm proud of you and hoping for the best for SD.

If I might suggest one thing, if the ultimate solution is for SD to live with you full time, DH might want to make it clear to her: no going back to BM. My SD came to live with us full time under similar circumstances.  When the honeymoon period was over, she wanted to go back to BM.  She moved in and out several times in those years.  I realize now that she was evading having to deal with a parent's disciplinary consequences and wish we hadn't let her do that.

Just a thought.  Good luck.

halo1998's picture

he did that with GWR when he noped out here almost 2 years.  It is a one way trip..no bouncing back and forth.

DH doesn't usually rescue the kids when they are experiencing some sort of consequences.  If SD had just told her Dad that Beaver took her ipad for not getting off it.  DH would have told...too bad so sad.  You should have listened to her mother.

The only reason he went and got SD was for the fact she hit, pinchec, kicked and bit her.  The biting her part really through DH for a loop.  No matter how you slice and dice that one....biting a person is NEVER ok.  That was way more than just a consequence for an action.

As DH explained to SD...there were other non-violent ways to deal with the ipad,  Shutting off the wifi, calling DH to have her ipad removed from the apple account, etc. 

I will update in a little while on what all we found out from SD..but it appears that Beaver has gone off the deep end and we spent the better part of yesterday talking with SD about the crazy things her mother has been telling her.