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Mother's Day with a step kid and the Beaver

halo1998's picture far as Mother's DAy..DH rocked it out.  2 dozen roses, a trip the local Conservatory and Gardens....then to a local market for food and drink.

We had a mother's day dinner for my mother and my mother in law on Saturday so that I could spend Mother's Day doing things I like rather than cooking for the family.  

However, as usual SD and Beaver had to through some wrenches into the plans.   Would it be a Holidy without step kid/BM drama?

So....SD had a birthday party to go to on Saturday, a sleepover.  Along with taking SD, DH agreed to take two of SD's friends as well.  Cool....we just told SD she and her friends would have to be late so that SD could be involved with the dinner on Saturday night. SD was fine with this.  DH also told sure that your mother is going to pick you up on Sunday morning from the birthday girls house.  Also, be sure that your mother is going to take your to your driving class on Sunday as well.  SD asked Beaver and she agreed. SD confirmed this several times.  I told DH...just because Beaver says she wait she will retract that right before SD is about to go.  

Queue...20 minutes before DH is leaving to pick up the girls and take them to the party.....dun dun dunn......SD gets a call from Beaver.  Beaver is now no longer willing to pick up SD from the birthday girls party.  She will only pick her up from our 8 a.m. on Sunday.  SD looked like she was going to cry...and kept saying..but you AGREEDED....why can't you just pick me up.  Its too much of a drive....and she doesn't want to drive to pick up SD and then drive to take her to the driving class.  

(Now this whole thing made no sense....the drive to get SD from the birthday girls house is half the amount of driving than it is to our house.  In fact to get to the birthday girls literally drive past the exit for Beaver's house)

I couldn't help it...but I looked at DH and said..NAILED IT.  I told you she would flake...

SMH...SD told Beaver flat out...I am NOT getting up early so that you can pick me up at 8.  You can pick me up at 10 from Dad's house since you won't drive to pick me up from Birthday girls house.  

AFter some arguing in which SD kept saying...I'm not waking up early...Beaver agreed to 9:30 a.m.  DH then agreed that he would get up and pick up SD from the birthday girls house and bring her back to our house.  I told DH , I would get up with him and we would load up the dog and go with him.  

We literally drove by Beaver's exit to get SD and then by it again to come back home.  DH was like ...eff that biotch..she can drive to pick up SD.  I'm NOT dropping her off at Beavers.  

Then as we going to get SD...SD sends a text that Beaver won't be getting her till 10 a.m.  I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough on that one.  WE got SD and sure enough Beaver came and got SD at 10:10 a.m. from our house.  Beaver took off out of like a bat out of h3ll.  We chuckled.

This whole thing made no sense...

1.  It was closer for her to pick up SD from the Birthday girls house than it is to drive to our house.

2.  Beaver hates coming to our wouldn't she rather pick up SD from the Birthday girls house.

3.  Beaver had to have 9:30 and then didn't make it her to 10:10 .

Now I think Beaver's plan was to flake on picking up SD so that DH would do one of two things, while messing up any plans DH and I might have had for mother's day.

1.  Tell SD that she couldn't go...effectively ruining SD's plans so that Beaver could pick her up at 8 a.m. and thus make DH the bad guy.


2.  Make DH pick up SD and then he would drop her off to Beaver's house....ergo Beaver could sleep in and not have to drive in the morning.

Either way I was ahead of that game since I told DH she would do this crap.  I had already had contingency plans in place.  

At this point my filter has long been lost and I flat out told SD..your mother sucks ass.  She promises sh*t and then backs out at the last minute.  What kind of @sshole does that? Your mother just wants to f*ck with DH and I.  This is the last year you have to worry about this type of next year you will be driving and the custody arrangment will be over as you will be 18.

In the end....I went with DH in the morning....we ordered breakfast online and picked it up on the way home.  I spent the morning running around with DH ..but we had a blast in the car playing music, etc.  Then later that day..I had a great day with DH.   So..Beaver in the end still had to drive and she didn't succeed in fubaring my day.  SO BEAVER CAN SUCK IT.




halo1998's picture

to get at her Dad and I.  She kept apologzing to DH and saying...but I asked her multiple times and she said yes.  SD was very upset that her mother was pulling these shenanigans.  At point SD told Beaver....I'm just not coming to your house for Mother's day if you keep this up.  You can't make me come over at this point..I'm 17 years old. 

Yesterdays's picture

Glad it all worked out in the end and she wasn't able to mess with your plans but how annoying. Sometimes it seems like Beaver is parentifying your SD and SD has come to realize she's more of an adult than Beaver.. And having to act that way.. And even beyond that having to deal with the annoyances of Beaver being so inconsistent and unreliable. I feel bad for her that she can't trust her mom, and she's slowly coming to realize this. She's lucky to have you and her dad

halo1998's picture

and yes..I feel bad for SD having to realize that her mother will never ever put her needs before her own and that she cannot trust her.  I know it bothers her that my kids have a mom that will move heaven and earth for them...and is always reliable.  Heck SD cannot even talk about me, message me or anything for me while with Beaver. The same goes for DH...Beaver throws a fit and tells SD that we are nothing and that she is SD's only "true" parent.

CastleJJ's picture

I swear that these HCBMs do everything and anything in their power to manipulate every situation to ensure that they have to do the least amount of work, no matter how complicated they have to make it. 

Our BM, GF, and BM's family once took SS on a vacation to Chicago. DH was due to get SS the same day their trip ended. DH told BM that it would be smarter to have SS fly home with BM's parents and DH could pick SS up from them (only an hour drive) instead of flying home with SS and then having DH drive all the way (6 hour drive). DH didn't want SS flying south to go back to BM's then spending 6 hours in the car driving north when he could just fly north with BM's parents. BM agreed. Then later, she got mad at DH for something, and cancelled SS' ticket, reassigning him to fly back to BM's. She told DH day of that he had to drive all the way to BM's to pick up. Then she had the audacity to blame DH for the complicated mess solely because he had pissed her off. And at the end of DH's visitation two weeks later, BM sent her parents to pick up because she didn't feel like it. 

Its always the same old story with these BMs. It becomes so predictable, it is sad. But I'm happy that BM didn't ruin your Mother's Day! 

halo1998's picture

made DH drive 6 hours just because she could rather than just make it easy for everyone.  Its beyond petty and riduculous.  DH remarked on Saturday evening...."Halo I honestly do not know how you put up with this all these years.  I guess I never really bothered to look at how much drama Beaver and my kids bring to your life.  I'm so sorry it took this long for me to realize the drama from them is constant.  I really don't know how you do it."

I grit my teeth alot DH and spent 8+ years being angry all the time. That's how.

ndc's picture

I sincerely hope you and your DH are moving far, far away (without SD) the moment SD turns 18. You deserve to live a Beaver and Beaver kit-free life.

halo1998's picture

DH has come the conclusion we need to live our life...and not wait for SD to "figure" out what she wants to do. We are moving across the pond as they say...aka we will be moving to Europe when SD turns 18 and my youngest graduates college next year.

Rags's picture

DW was in TX last week prepping out home to go on the market  It listed today. DW flew in late last night. A little testy of a home coming due to the anxiety of selling our home.  But.... nothing critical.  I jumped in the shower to give us both some time to decompress. After that, it was all good.

As for MD, DW drove from Houston to Austin on Saturday afternoon to visit my parents. The whole family (Mom, Dad, DW, brother, SIL, niece, her DH, and my nephew who made a surprise showing from Dallas) met at Niece's CC for MD brunch.

They had a great time. SS called his mom ,my mom, and  his Aunt (my SIL) for MD and they had a nice telephone visit.

The nephew who made the surprise MD showing gave DW some CPA socks from he and  his bride.  "Leave me alone, It's tax season" woven on the bottom of the socks.  They also  brought me a "FUNCLE" hat..  For... Fun Uncle.  No gifts for his own mom or his grandmother. Just the gift of his time and hugs.  Great move kid. All the way around.

I hope all the mothers on STalk had a nice MD.  The love of a mother to their children is a great blessing.  Kids should win the mother lottery.  TY moms for all you do. Regardless of prefix your Mom status may or may not have.

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