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Last blog about my mother ..the drama queen

halo1998's picture

After I told mother to knock off her shenannigans...she took to facebook.  ***insert breathing exercises here*****

Woa is me...I found out who I can count on and who I can't.

Woa is isn't much better than yesterday

Woa is m....sometimes your enemies are the ones you love the most.



I ended up calling her and telling her stop with the facebook crap.  Neither myself or my sister are her enemies (although at this point you are driving us to that) and that only she can help herself out of this mess.

I told her she needs to find a therapist and get help with this and help with figuring out what you want to do.  That is big old nope...because they will call her crazy and just take my Dad's side.  (uh as far as being suicidal and needing to be commited..yea they probably will side with him on that one) 

Those facebook posts weren't about you....(Right and if I believe that I'm sure there land in the south I could buy that is only slightly wet)

I don't like you talking about me with your sister.  (I'm sure you don' can't trianglulate us if we talk to each other)

Your not sympatic or supportive. only take your Dad's side.  (WTF lady I know he can be a total arse I have told you yes..he can be a total arse. but I'm not about to come out there and mediate for you to or tell you too to stop it...I just don't tolerate and neither does my DH.  At one point my DH flat out told my Dad, if you say one more negative word about my wife you will not be welcome here again.  I will not put up with my wife being denegraded in her own own. My wife is awesome and has overcome alot in her stop the comments).  

I told her..only you figure out what you want to do.  Move out and live on your own, stay with Dad, divorce him, don't divorce, keep the cats or not.  I can't figure those things out.....only you can. We will support whatever you decide...but WE CANNOT DECIDE THAT FOR YOU.

That is where I left it.

Then her last facebook post..




Ugh....seriously.  Hello grey rock....and sadly I don't see this ending till one of them passes away.


Wicked stepmo.'s picture

You have to set boundaries with her. When she starts to gaslight you. Do not talk to her, answer the phone and block her on social media for 24 hours. When you contact her again if she continues to gaslight you, repeat the above.

Eventually, she will learn her behavior is not getting her the attention she wants and it will stop.

halo1998's picture

I blocked her on facebook, etc.  My sister is also done and is on ignore mode. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

My mom and sister, while I love them, act very similarly to how you describe your mother. Life is awful, want to complain about situations they put themselves in and can only get themselves out of, threaten to kill themselves, etc. My sister is the one who "Vaguebooks". That's at least one thing I don't have to worry about with my mom.

I don't have a good answer for you other than to set boundaries. I'm bad at that because my own emotions run high. I have periods where I do really well, but if they act in such a way after going through a period of being "lucid", I'll fall for it again.

I'm learning from my dad, who is divorced from my mom (has been for nearly 20 years now). When he doesn't want to be involved, he just sorta says "well, ya know how it goes..." or something similar. I'm convinced that is how he handled my mom, and I'm convinced that led her to thinking he didn't care. To a certain extent, he doesn't/likely didn't, but that's not a bad thing. You can only be crazy so many times before people just don't engage with it anymore.

Gimlet's picture

I recommend getting the book Cajun Mom mentioned

With my sister, I learned to never respond with any emotion.  Grey rock is the way to go, because they WANT the drama and an emotional response. 

Your mom has some sort of personality disorder and she's probably not going to change, so you have to change how you interact with her.  Boundaries are essential in addition to grey rock.  Give her the same consequences every time she crosses them.  She isn't going to like it but boundaries are always the hardest at the beginning.

((hugs)) Halo, I know how much it sucks to have a manipulative and mentally ill family.

CajunMom's picture

Understanding the Borderline Mother. I'm sure your mom is described in that book. 

As a mom of adult kids (I'm 59), I'm so grateful for your posts, though. Putting this on my list to make sure I dont act like this in the future with my kids. It really is a relationship destroyer, that behavior. 

Continue holding your ground. She's testing your boundaries.

Gimlet's picture

Sorry, you gave the specific title, edited above.

Also, thanks for this.  I am going to get it for my older niece, who is struggling with her relationship with her mom/my sister. 

tog redux's picture

I wish I could connect you with my friend who went through this, it's so similar (minus the Facebook, this was pre-social media).  She had to basically just block her entirely to maintain her sanity. Her mother met a sad but predictable end, and then it began with her father, who seemed more reasonable when her mother was alive. Turns out she was borderline and he was narcissistic, and once her crazy behavior was over, he looked and functioned worse. She eventually had to cut him out too, but not before some massive drama. 

Ignore her - but the next time she says she doesn't want to live, call 911 and send the police over there. 

halo1998's picture

neithers of them had good home life was great.  My paternal grandmother didn't like either my or my sister by virture of us being girls and not boys.  That and my Dad married my mom despite my grandmother telling him not to and to  marry some other chick she found for him.  My Dad apparently is taking after my paternal grandfather, who I hear from other family member, was a real dick to everyone.

good lord typing this WTF did I come from?  The only sane person I can think of is my maternal grandmother and that woman was a freaking rock.

I agree on the 911....I told her the next time I would be calling.  Her comment...I can survive 72 hours...*insert an eye roll here that could be seen around the world"

BPDHell's picture

72 hrs. Bahahahahaha! My mom was involuntarily hospitalized for 2 WEEKS in November 2019 and was court ordered to continue treatment after she was released. SS has been hospitalized so many times I've lost count, never for less than 7 days. People who have borderline personality disorder and/or mood disorders are much more likely to actually commit suicide and the professionals take that seriously.

advice.only2's picture

Yeah but it's working she's getting you to engage with her.  I spoke with my mother the other day and everything was centered around the vaccine.  I wouldn't engage or acknowledge and kept changing the subject.  She kept trying, then finally resorted to just complaining about other things.  Once they find your currency they keep at it.  Dont let her know your currency.  

halo1998's picture

and I  know it.  My Dh also let me know...she keeps reeling you in.

halo1998's picture

and I  know it.  My Dh also let me know...she keeps reeling you in.

Cover1W's picture

The others have good advice. My mother is a narc, while she doesn't stir up drama she inadvertently makes it...I am also the 'black sheep.' I learned over time to not play into her wants. If she gets into narc mode I end the phone call as quickly as possible. Note that my parents NEVER call me, it must be me that calls them so limited calls twice a month seem to work. Texting is also limited but available which has been a good option. My mother and dad got blocked on my FB after the P*ssy March when she saw my photos and lost it, saying she was soooooo disappointed in me and getting into arguments with my friends and posting very conservative/untrue/awful things on their pages. My dad (enabler) asked me to please unblock her. Um, no. She is on my Instagram but she's been ok there so far.

Grey rock, be upfront, honest and follow through. Make sure you and your sister are a united front. I couldn't do it without my sister, the 'golden child', as she's physically closer to my parents and has to deal with them more.

SMto2's picture

Just wanted to say I'm sorry and that I understand. My mother also has a lot of issues, which have caused me stress and trauma my entire life and continue to do so. She has criticized every decision I've ever made, never supported me, and I'm sure is the reason I'm a perfectionist and so hard on myself. I try to minimize contact with her. I also find we get along MUCH  better if we text as opposed to talk on the phone or see each other. I've learned to only be around her in small doses. It sounds like you're implementing some good boundaries with your mom. I know how much it hurts when your mom who's supposed to love you unconditionally is emotionally abusive. Just wanted you to know, you're not alone.