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I guess I will keep DH...sometimes that is questionable...J/K..SORT OF

halo1998's picture

DH can be trying at times.  His ADHD drives me in I was working the other night on something that takes a lot of concentration on my part and he kept coming in to talk to me. 

Halo..where are these papers

Halo...what do you think of these condos (we are trying to buy an investment condo for DD to live while in college) you know where this is?

Halo...what are you doing?  Are you still working...

UGGGHHHHH..I finally snapped and told him to zip it that I was WORKING.

Yea he wasn't too pleased I told him to shut his yap..but oh well.

My job and paycheck basically fund our household.  Why is that you ask...well here is why..and why I will keep DH despite his constant interruptions.

Dh has been to court with the Beaver every SINGLE year since the divorce...EVERY FLIPPING YEAR. Its exhausting and very very very costly. 

Due to the constant court year 10 post divorce DH had wracked up 51K in court expenses.  Ugh...typing that hurts my soul.

About 3 years ago, DH approached me with the idea of him securing a loan, the man has an amazing credit score, to pay off the 51K in court costs.  However, if he did that it would mean I would be carrying the household while he paid off the loan.

Ooofff..that was a bit of tough conversation.  I agreed and the man had a plan.  On we went...

Last night DH approached me and told me the loan will be paid off in about 3 months....using his bonuses, raises and the money he would normally give me, he had paid off 51K plus interest and other credit card debt (I think around 7k) in 3 years.  

Since the loan is about to be paid off and he will get another bonus at the end of December he has decided he will give me the bonus money to put in our savings or to use for homerepairs, our fence of whatever.  Also in December he will be taking the loan payment money (the loan payment could rival a mortgage payment) and putting that into our joint so that I no longer carry our household.

In three years I have never said a word to DH about this or griped about it.  It meant I had to tighten my budget etc and drive an older car. But do what you gotta do.

As it stands..after December the only debt we will be carrying will be our mortgage.   It has been tough long slog for us to get DH out of court debts, etc.

But..this is why I will keep him.......that and he said last night..since you have to pay all of DD's college expenses since the VI refuses to, I want to help.  He said...Let's face it VI isn't going to step up and help....and neither of my kids will be going to college. I want to help you send DD to college.  She deserves it and you deserve to have help.  You have helped me all these, now it's my turn.



tog redux's picture

That's awesome. 

I helped DH pay for some court costs, I'll admit it. I'm sure he paid around 50K too, but thankfully we were able to do it without loans or use of credit cards, for the most part.  Now he's set to pay his last Child Support next month and we will have an extra 1K.  We are both frugal and live well below our means so this will not mean much except for more into retirement and being DONE WITH BM. Can't wait.

halo1998's picture

DH hopes for a reduction..but alas he is steeling himself for paying the same amount due to his salary increasing and Beaver's decreasing since she "took" aka "forced to move to" another job at the hospital.

But there will be an end to that money train...3 years for SD after March 2021.  

Ah.....I'm counting down the days we do not have to pay Beaver her the I shot a kid out my woohaw money.  We call it that cause it certainly doesn't go to supporting the kids.

tog redux's picture

We call it "Adult Support", since SS is almost 21. DH writes "Adult Support" on the bank check memo. BM won't allow it to just be put into her account, because she thinks DH will find out her account numbers (hello, she's a computer science professor). 


advice.only2's picture

That's really know it just grinds these ex BMs bitter little hearts to dust to not only see their exes succeeding, but doing generous stuff for their spouses.  I always like to think Meth Mouth has to swallow that bitter pill daily...along with her morning dose of Meth. 

JRI's picture

This warms my heart!  Great guy!  That's how I handle my feelings when 83yo Disney Dad here keeps coddling SD59.  She isn't going away, he isn't going to change but that is just one aspect of our life.  He is also the one who supported the entire family during my bios early years when we received no $ from the ex.  He would grouse once in awhile but not as much as I would have.  He is the one who has been a father to DS and DD and at present is hosting DS, wife and dog for weeks while DIL's mother is hospitalized.  He is the one YSS is calling each evening for moral support as he deals with a wayward daughter.  

I applaid your DH!  Good guy!

halo1998's picture

My kids have warmed up to DH over the years...and DD knows that DH will always help her.  Last week he told her to buy a coat and purse that she wanted from the resale shop she works at.  He did it just because he knew she would like them...she was thankful. 

I always try to remember that usually DH means well...he just doesn't know how annoying he can be when his ADHD is unchecked. 

Course he does put up with me when my anxiety hits stratosphere levels.

CLove's picture

I love that he wants to help your DD through college.


Glad that you are nearing the end of the "legal form of stealing" crazy train.

We have 3 years and 7 months.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

In this country, child support reduces on a sliding scale so getting OSS and YSS off the payment plan (OSS aged out, YSS moved in with us) didn't make much difference.  DH was paying until MSS finished University.  It was such a shame becuase if he had been able to give the money to MSS it would have covered all of his college fees and living expenses.  Instead it went to BM and MSS finished with over 50k in debt.

Fingers crossed for you guys.

Agree completely on the fast food thing.  I don't eat so clean that I wouldn't have the odd fast food meal but my arteries are feeling clogged at the thought of 3 times a day.