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BYE BYE BYEEEE...How SS noped right out of our lives

halo1998's picture

In chapter 1 of the SS saga, SS was caught doing drugs for a 2nd time in the beginning of his sophmore year. 


Chapter 2

After three months on total lock down, DH decided that in January he would gradually start giving SS a little more freedom.

Now, when all this started SS was still seeing his long time (as in since the kids was 6) therapist. This therapist was a very very well known child therapist used by the courts. Beaver picked him for SS during one of the first custody battles because she thought he would meet SS and her and tell her attorney and the court that DH shouldn't see the kids.  That back fired because he said no such thing but by that point Beaver was stuck with him since she picked him.   This therapist was also on to Beaver and the fact that she DOES NOT PARENT.  He pointed out this out several times during SS's therapy.  This will be important.

Somewhere around the 2 month mark of SS's lock down, he decided that he no longer liked the therapist and that the therapist wasn't listening to him.  After talking the the therapist, it came to light that the therapist refused to let SS blame is drug problems on DH and wanted SS to look at his own behavior and make changes.  Oh certainly would not do.  Beaver was convinced this was all because of the divorce and as such convinced SS that NONE of this was his fault.  How dare the therapist say otherwise and how dare DH punish poor widdle SS.  It is not his fault..its DH's for divorcing Beaver and ruining their FAAAAAMMMILLLLLYYY.

So, the therapist is fired and SS is referred to the local children's hospital's mental health department and an appointment is setup for after the New Year.  Therapist said there was no point in continueing with SS since neither SS or Beaver wanted to listen to anything other than DH is all at fault.

Right after the new year, DH sat down with SS and detailed the gradual easing of lock down.  Grades and behavior and no drugs.  All is good right....ah I wouldn't be writing if it was.  

Not 48 hours after this conversation DH gets a call from SS's girlfriends mom and gets a video sent to him of SS and girlfriend on a facetime together and he is teaching her how to smoke a joint and how to score and vape weed.  Of course this was a Beavers have to be kidding...

DH calls SS down and asks..WTF IS THIS> shows him the video.  SS is all uhm, uh, uh..that was a long time ago.   It wasn't....we could tell because SS had a new hoodie he got for Christmas.  DH is FURIOUS.  SS is told the car is going to be sold.  Hand over your phone, it will be disconnected.  DH then went upstairs and tossed SS room like it was a cell in Alcatraz.  

DH found, three vape pens, vape pods or wtf you call them of weed, cigarrettes and empty bottles of vodka SS stole from our liquor cabinet.  I hadn't missed the vodka since I hadn't been drinking many martinis lately.  But, sure enough at least 3 bottles of my flavored vodka was missing.  We would find out that SS had been ordering vaping crap online and having it delivered to Beaver's house where he had control of the mailbox.  (Beaver lives in a condo and has a mailbox in a bank of mailboxes.  SS had the key to get the mail before Beaver got home).  SS wouldn't have it sent to our house because either DH or I get the mail.  

At this point, DH comes down with 2 pairs of plain jeans, three plain t-shirts, 7 pairs of plain white socks.  He hands them to SS and says, the rest of your clothes are going.  No more designer anything.  All your shoes gone..I will buy you one pair of cheap walmart shoes to wear and a packages of tighty whiteys. That IS IT.  (SS liked to dress to the nines in Gucci, Supreme, Jordan shoes, Calvin Klein underwear, blah, blah, blah)  DH took it ALLL.  Welcome to the Hunger games kid...the odds are never in your favor.

At this point SS who is 16 starts to cry...smh.  DH could give a crap less and tells SS tough.  Its is own fault and the next stop could be jail if he keeps this crap up. 

The next day DH calls the new counselor and sets up an emergency meeting.  Care to guess where this is going.....yep SS told the counselor that if he had to go back with DH he would kill himself.  DH, has no choice but to hand over SS to his mom. Who by they was so UNCONCERNED that she told SS she would pick him up from DH later that day.

The counselor (who I thought was a twit) said that SS needed to be with Beaver as she UNDERSTOOD him.  Say what...her boss however, thought SS needed a drug screening and in patient treament. However, Beaver would not agree...poor widdle SS was just misunderstood and DH was just so mean to him.  ***rolling my eyes all the way to china***  DH was so mean buy taking his belongings and how will poor widdle SS do without a phone and his designer clothes.

And that was one of the last times DH saw SS....within 2 weeks SS had a brand spanking new Iphone.  With in 3 months Beaver's dad bought SS another car.  We saw SS twice after that...once at Easter that which he bitched about his easter baseket and another time for SS to pick up his stuff from our house. 

DH tried to reach out to SS...only to receive nasty text messages in return. DH is the reason that he does drugs and is failing school.  DH is the reason SS has sooo much trouble.  DH is mean to him. 

Beaver 30 days after SS refused to come to our house....FILED FOR CHILD SUPPORT increase. (She would lose big time but that is another story).  Beaver also asked if SS could have his car back.  DH's answer...F*CK NO.  We ended up giving BS's car to DH's nephew and BS took over the car SS had.

After all of that, DH made the conscious decision to remove himself from the equation.  If SS thought DH was the issue then DH would remove himself and SS should then succeed.  HAHAHAHAHHAHAH..yea no.  SS is still doing drugs, living in Beaver's basement and peeing in bottles because he is too lazy to get up to go to the bathroom.  SS is still failing school..he is on try number 3 for sophmore English and failing again.  However, now that SS isn't succeeding without DH, SS is now failing and doing drugs because DH doesn't try harder to talk to him.    

DH realized that no matter what he did, he would ALWAYS be SS's scapegoat and that SS is never going to take responsibility for creating his own problems.  He is just like Beaver in that aspect.



ICanMakeIt's picture

Wow solid Howard Hughes moves with the pee bottling. EWWW

Sounds like your husband has his head on straight and does the right thing....I'm just curious if he has any regrets at the "lost" son. Not vocalized to the kid obviously, but to you once all the dust settled?

halo1998's picture

After awhile of reflection he realized that no matter what SS would never take responsibility for his part in this.  DH verbalized that he still would do things the same way and that this is SS's choice.   While DH misses the son he thought he would have, he does not miss SS.  

tog redux's picture

My DH is really sad about who SS20 has turned out to be, and what he hoped when SS was younger.  It's good that he's not alienated anymore, but they still have a very superficial relationship and DH is very disappointed in him.

My DH also actually parented SS and would not change a thing.  Can't sink to BM's level out of fear.

We also had a therapist or attorney, who knows, say BM "understands" SS.  Yes, because she's implanted his every thought in his head.

CLove's picture

SD21 Feral Forger used to blameME for all "her problems". I disengaged heavily before she decided to leave. No more Clove is to blame for ANYTHING. Then she blamed her FATHER for the way she is. Said he spoke meanly to her (as in yelling at her when she wouldnt clean her pigsty room)

Now she has moved on to blaming Toxic Troll for her being the way she is = no job, no drivers license, no college, no ambition, just mooches and sleeps and eats...

Easy to play the blame game. They learn it from somewhere...

halo1998's picture

a chip off the old Beaver block that is for sure.

advice.only2's picture

These crazy kids, it's never their fault or their mommy dearest's fault! Spawn would sing the same tune with Meth Mouth. Spawn actually told DH one time it was his fault Meth Mouth kept getting arrested and going to jail. When DH asked how, she told him it was because he knew people on the police force. So DH was all so your saying I have that much power to control the police to do whatever I want? Spawn said yes you do! Damn I never realized I married such a powerful man that he could make people do whatever he wanted!

MissK03's picture

 "DH then went upstairs and tossed SS room like it was a cell in Alcatraz" I don't want to laugh but, haha boy do I know that scene. That has happen here too. I do wish my SO was more like your DH. SS16 gets punished for a day or two and that's it. SS16 is BM. Forever victim, None of their beviours are wrong, cant grasp the concept that they are the reason they have poor relationships with everyone surrounding them.  My theory though you can't change genetics. Even with the skids full time here now for over 2 years and the pretty much no exposure to BM (text messages is about it) doesn't change a thing. 

"I have bad grades because you're breaking my balls about my grades!!!" - SS16 quote to SO .. Another one of my favorites. Like ummm.... isn't that what a parent does. So many blame quotes. I should write them all down. 

halo1998's picture

I get bad grades cause you hound me.....your always on me..your breaking my balls over my grades.  Funny, DH has spoken to SS in over and year and yet he is still failing. what's the problem now..