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The beginning of the end of SS.....

halo1998's picture

We established that SS has no problems thieving and thought illegal drugs were no problemo.  Ah...but DH did not think either were ok.

DH, while he is good now, is no saint.  His own father is an alcoholic..on and off dry and as such DH didn't have a lot of parental guidance or supervision when he was young.  Did he make some questionable choices?...oh yea.  (Marrying Beaver would be the chief questionable choice..but hey I married the VI so I have 0 room to talk).

DH, however did not want to be his parents and certainly did not want his kids going down his school of hard knocks path.  DH did wise up and flew right, got a degree, found his career path and become a model citizen.  However, that took until his late 20' to early 30's.  

In our last episode SS was caught selling what he though was weed to kids on the bus. Got SS through 7th grade, had SS change from the getto school at his moms to the good school in our district.  Beaver agreed to this after her attorney pretty much told her she didn't have a shot in hades of keeping SS in the getto school based on the school scores and SS entry into the world of drugs.  So, she slapped her beaver tail a few times and then agreed.

SS made it through Freshman year with good grades, good friends, was on the homecoming court.  All was looking good.  SS turned 16 at the end of freshman year and because he was doing so well DH rewarded him with a car.  Not a new car, a really nice used car.  All SS had to do was keep up his grades and stay out of trouble and DH would pay for the insurance, gas, etc.  It iwas the same sweet deal  we gave my DS and my DD.  (We now own a small fleet of cars...our driveway looks like a used car lot)

Then sophmore year hit.  It started out well, but then SS met some kid that shall we say was questionable.  Niether DH or I liked this kid, he had a vibe about him that just said he was trouble.  All of sudden SS didn't want to play football.  WE made him...WTF..(no we didn't) and DH said fine then quit.  Find something else to do...What does SS decide he wants to a RAPPER.  

MMMM...say what.  SS 

Alrighty then...we roll on.

SS's grades start to tank...not just tank but a nose dive into the Marianna Trench.  DH is now up SS's butt about his grades and all over SS to do his school work. After all, wtf else does SS have to do.  

SS is also sleeping ALL THE TIME...I mean 16 hours straight.  I thought this was odd and DH thought it was suspicious. However, we couldn't find anything.  We suspect SS is using when he is at Beaver's.  You know because she is not about that parenting thing...she wants to be the skids friiiiieeeeeennnnnnd.  (puke)

One day during the fall, DH gets a Beavergram that SS was sick but he would still drop off SD to our house in the moring before school.  (On Beaver's week the kids came to our house before school and after school since they were going to school in our district now).  MMM...say what...if SS is that sick he has to stay home from school  WTF is he doing driving across town.  DH tells Beaver..ok but that SS can just stay at our house if he is sick and that he will tell SS when he got to our house.

In walks SS dressed to the nines and all carefree.  DH informs SS that he will be staying here and not going back to his moms.  Ut oh.....SS is now PISSED.  DH is now suspicious and tells him to hand over his phone.  (We paid for the phone).  STart going through the phone and find pictures of SS smoking weed, smoking a pipe..and it wasn't tobacco, etc.  At this point, DH had come to the conclusion SS wasn't sick and had a planned a day of getting high with his "friend".   

Now...SS is obviously not the brightest bulb...because why would you take pictures and keep them.  I mean how much of an idiot can you be?

DH was LIVID.  DH tells SS,the car is gone for the indefinate future and you are grounded for the indefinate future and the phone is now on lock down.  Sends the pictures to Beaver.  

Beaver calls..oh my I had no idea. I don't think taking the car and phone are a good idea.  He shouldn't have to give up EEEEEVEERRRRRTHING.  DH is all like hell he shouldn't.   This isn't the first time..what do you think will happen if he gets arrested?  Beaver just can't believe her BAAAAAAAAABBBYYYYYYYY would do anything like this.

SS gets picked up that afternoon and goes back to Beaver's den.  Beaver then proceeds to tell SS that DH shouldn't make a big deal out this since DH did these things as a kid.  DH is a hypocrite and that she "understands" how hard it is for SS.

We found all this out from SD, who lacks a filter, etc like her dad.  

SS kept trying to tell DH that it was the first time he did anything, that he wouldn't do it again.  DH could TRUUUSSTTT him.  He learned his lesson.  DH was not buying it and would not budge.  SS would still come over but now would hide in his room and barely spoke to DH.  (We would later find out why he was hiding in his room).  The text messages between Beaver and SS were now fast and furious.  DH was an *hole for not giving SS his car back ...blah, blah, blah..  Its all DH's fault...SS would never do anything if DH wasn't so mean to him.  Beavers wholeheartedly agrees...DH is the worst and he was/is so mean to her.

And this was the beginning of the end..the end would come a few months later when SS would get caught yet again doing drugs.




DPW's picture

Now this is how a father parents! What a great co-parenting relationship between DH and Beaver... lol. 

Hope SS just stayed on the pot pipe and nothing more serious!

advice.only2's picture

" So, she slapped her beaver tail a few times and then agreed." I laughed so hard at this line.

strugglingSM's picture

SS has not gotten into drugs, yet, but we have a similar dynamic of DH parenting, then SS crying to BM about how mean and terrible DH is and BM telling DH he is overreacting, SS didn't really do anything, and he has no right to discipline SS. One example. was when SS did something ridculous at school and then told DH he didn't do it. DH talked to the teacher and found out that SS had lied to him and told SS that because he lied about it, then he would not be playing in his game that weekend (DH's weekend). BM pitched a fit and said, "why can't he just miss practice?!" SS doesn't like practice and regularly skips it, so how would that be a punishment. SS regularly texts BM while he is with us, to tell her how terrible DH is...and allow her to capitulate. 

I foresee this SS getting into drugs, because a) he is desperate to seem cool; b) he lives with BM most of the time and is relatively unsupervised; c) BM is clueless when it comes to understanding possible risks or warning signs (she allowed both SSs to play GTA 5 (the version of the gam where you can have sex with a prostitute and then kill her to get your money back) online with people they didn't know, on computers in their own rooms, when they were in the 2nd grade. 

We don't pay for their phones anymore, so I can only view them when they leave them lying around at our home. 


halo1998's picture

we always had a policy regardless of who paid for the phone we can and will look at it if you give us reason.  If you don't want us to look at it...then leave it at your other parents while you are here.

We also had the policy we will trust until we can't.  Once you give us a reason to not trust you, your privacy goes out the window and we can and will look at all social media, all text messages, email and we will toss your room like you are in prison.


strugglingSM's picture

We should have that policy, but since I'm the only parental figure who cares about monitoring that has not happened. Also, BM would pitch a fit and try to take DH to court over it, I'm sure. 

When SS was 11, he was staying at our home for a week. At 11pm, we told him that he needed to hand over his tablet and go to bed. He screamed and cried and then accused DH of trying to look at his tablet. I told him that a) it was bedtime and he wasn't going to stay up all night watching YouTube and b) he was 11 and therefore had no internet browsing privacy. He had a screaming, throwing tantrum for the next 45 minutes. The next day I looked at his phone and he had texted BM and his stepdad with frantic messages saying "dad is looking at my tablet so I need to change the password!" Both said, "why is he doing that?!" and Stepdad vowed to help him change the password. Ironically, DH hadn't even thought of checking the tablet until SS pitched such a fit, but then he couldn't figure out the access password. SS no longer brings the tablet and I've given up on trying to restrict phone use at night, because DH used to do that and now has stopped and SM can't be the gatekeeper. 

If that SS - or the other one (who has online internet friends who he has never met and has since he was 10) - goes off the rails, then it's not my problem. 

tog redux's picture

Yep, same pattern here - DH parents, BM rescues, SS PASes out. 

Video games are SS20's drug of choice.

MissK03's picture

You want to laugh...SS16 has been caught smoking weed multiple times. (Past year and half) SO bought home drug test etc. First time he got caught BM was like OMMMGGG wanted the kid to go to rehab. They had a driveway intervention with him. Waste of time. SO drug tests him few times he was clean. Few months later.. gets caught again. Major ordeal, gets his things taken away etc. Had been caught twice after that same story. 

 One night (few months ago) SS16 could not be quite. It was around midnight SO gets up at very early for work (3/4am) and I get up at 5:45. So, SO turns his internet off from his cell phone. SS16 comes barging in our room like the koolaid man.. TURN MY SHIT ON TURN MY SHIT ON!! SO had told me to let him handle it. 10 minutes goes by SS16 is still acting like a lunatic. I couldn't hold back anymore. I started flipping out. 

SS16 does this every single time he gets punished flips out and it goes on for over an hour sometimes. I don't even remember how it came up but SD13 yells from her room "well SS16 you vape!!" His reply was priceless.

SS16: "Well weed is a hurbbb!" 

Me: "excuse me what?"

SS16: "weed is hurbbb!"

Me: "You mean herb!??!" (Which it isn't even but ok)


Me: "WHATTTTTTTTT???!!!! So weed is a plant eating animal???!!!!???!! SS16 please eduacate yourself and read books so know what you're talking about!!"

After that statement I was done with conversation and the fight was ending. We had to go to bed. He also didn't get his internet turned back on that night lol. 



DPW's picture

His internet would have been off a lot longer than that in my house and then I'd move to a 10pm curfew with the internet going forward until he learned how to ask for things nicely. Barge into my room and bark at me, no more internet for you.

"read books".... lol. 

MissK03's picture

If I had it my way...SS16 would be scrubbing the house with a toothbrush day in and day out when he acts like a psycho. 

halo1998's picture

at is a hurbbb...

then HERBIVORE....still laughing at that one.  Whew...I would have said the same thing.......

advice.only2's picture

Oh lord this reminds me of Spawn. One night she comes crashing into our room hyperventilating and crying she has a Poolmoonary Emblem. DH and I are like WTF? She's going on about how she and Meth Mouth are texting and because Meth Mouth was a CNA back in the day she has decided Spawn has a Poolmoonary Emblem and we must get Spawn to the ER stat!

I was like WTF are you on right now to make you think that? Spawn of course ignores me and DH takes her out into the living room to breathe and calm down. She finally calms down and says she will wait to go with Meth Mouth to the ER this weekend to prove her Poolmoonary Emblem. Spawn returns from Meth Mouth's that weekend and no she never went to the ER since they decided to go out of town shopping instead.

When Spawn left and never returned I boxed up all her crap and found pills in a bottle hidden in a roll of socks, I don't know that they were since I'm not a pill popping junkie I just threw them out...but I wonder if they had anything to do with Poolmoonary Emblem gate?

strugglingSM's picture

This is not related to drugs, but one SS plays football. A couple of years back when he was in the 6th grade, he was with us on game weekend. The day after the game, he told DH he thought he got a concussion in the game because he had a headache. DH asked him a few questions about how he felt, reminded SS that he had not taken any hits during the game (in fact, he'd barely seen any playing time) and told him he didn't think he had a concussion. DH also pointed out to SS that he had a headache before the game, so maybe his headache was related. He gave him some tyelonol and told him he would be fine. Minutes letter, DH gets a series of frantic texts from BM demanding to know why he wasn't taking SS to urgent care or the emergency room to be sure he didn't have a concussion. DH explained what he had done and also said that as someone who had multiple concussions, he did not believe that SS had a concussion. The texts continued about what a terrible, negligent father DH was. Now, did BM rush SS off to urgent care or the emergency room when he got home? Nope...apparently, neither one was concerned by the time DH dropped him off. 

This SS goes to the emergency room and urgent care for everything. In the time I've known him, he has been convinced no fewer than 7 times that he's had a broken bone...he has never had a broken bone. Once, DH got an email from BM telling him that she was pleased to report that the doctor said that SS did not have a broken rib after slipping and falling at the water park...seriously, if a kid breaks a rib after slipping and falling, he likely has bigger health problems. My read on the situation is that when this SS falls, he is embarrassed and then has to make it a big deal. Once when we were skiing he was again convinced that his leg was broken after taking a fall. DH records lots of ski runs and captured the fall on video. I watched it and it wasn't even a hard fall and the kid was 13 at the time, so not a young child. He's just a drama queen and BM reinforces these tendencies by reacting frantically anytime her precious cherub is hurt. 

DPW's picture

wrong spot... ooopsies.

thinkthrice's picture

YSS 17.5 has loads of social media posts of him in his bedroom smoking blunts.  MOTY, and foster parent counselor, Girhippo obviously is in deep denial.  So is StepDaddyBigBucks.