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16 years and Beaver is still petty af

halo1998's picture

16 years into this...and Beaver still is petty af.

SD..,as a normal 16 almost 17 year old likes to spend more time with her friends than her parents. Go Figure....

However, SD does not drive yet..she is scared to drive.  I get it and I had both kids scared to drive but I taught all three two and SS..aka GWR...and all are good drivers, etc.  So I can teach SD but its a NO so far.  Not my kid not my problem..and I don't play Uber for her.  DH handles all of that now....(therapy is WONDERFUL for pointing out to him SD is problem..not mine and I'm not her momma)

So..this weekend SD was at her friends house on Saturday night.. Point to note here..its SD's week with her mother.  DH and I sitting at home..the two us on Sunday morning..enjoying our omlets and watching home shows.   DH phones goes off with a text from SD....she is at x friends here in our town and her mom can't pick her up till 2:30 p.m. and SD doesn't want to over stay her welcome (ok...that huge since SD can be oblivious to social things).  Can DH pick her up and then Beaver pick her up from our house.  DH is like sure..(the friends how is like 2 miles from ours) give me 15 minutes to get dressed and get there.  SD says ok.  DH has keys in hand headed out when he gets..

Thanks Dad but nevermind Mom can get me now (its like 11 a.m.) since she refuses to go to your house. 

DH puts his keys away and chuckles and every time. Just say I can do it and SUDDENLY Beaver can do whatever she said she couldn't.  Its been 16 years....she needs to get over it.

DH sent back to SD....ok glad she is picking you up. But damn its effed up she can't come our house after all these years and she can now suddenly come get you.  

SD responded..IKR its so petty and high school.

So DH didn't have to go...and Beaver due to her pettiness drove an extra 2 miles to get SD all because she didn't want to just drive by our house.  




Yesterdays's picture

It's great that SD can see through the BS. That's the silver lining there. Continue to be honest with her as you have been. She's now old enough and mature and smart enough to see what's going on, which is a good thing

ETA and yes that's so petty.. Good grief. Beaver acts like a child.. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Well done on maintaining your boundaries!

And on social awareness of SD, maybe there is hope for her after all.*diablo*

shamds's picture

To pick up biomum and stepdad but she isn't allowed to drive 1hr away to daddys home because biomum and stepdad banned it. Sd was already 22.5 at the time. She is 27 now and still same shi*.

She has no independence and i don't see any man wanting to stick it out with her longterm if everything needs to be run by biomum and stepdad. 

back in 2018 (9.5 yrs post divorce) bio mum was trying to control me and what happened in our household and family dynamics. I shut that down real quick after getting support from steptalk

TrueNorth77's picture

I would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut at DH dropping everything to pick her up and bring her to your house. When skids are gone it's a MUCH-needed break for me, so them coming over and interrupting a peaceful Sunday would immediately make my stomach drop, especially when it's all on the fault of SD not wanting to drive and BM not being "able" to pick her up. I know there were some positives in there like her picking up on social cues, but still, ugh. 

I feel pretty strongly that these kids aren't going to drive as long as they have an Uber at their beck and call. 

Yesterdays's picture

Agree totally with this! Make it a bit uncomfortable as being that "push" required to make her get her license Smile I probably would have made her wait at the friends til later in the afternoon. Then maybe next time she would act differently and made sure beforehand she had a ride or else.... Get her license so she doesn't have to rely on Beaver.. 

halo1998's picture

He knows better than not to.

In this case...after talking to SD...Beaver had agreed to pick up SD by 11 but then told her nah..I can't be there till 2:30 p.m. that morning. So SD did have a plan but Beaver in true Beaver form...thinks only of herself and fubar'd the plans.  AKA ..Beaver wasn't up and ready yet and didn't feel like going that early.

Yesterdays's picture

Beaver does have a way of upsetting plans in place.. Which has got to be frustrating for SD. I remember your SD was being responsible by having a part time job but Beaver was the one being totally unreliable for her which is unfortunate and not setting the greatest example. It's definitely good that SD has the positive influence of you and her dad in her life

halo1998's picture

and most of the time DH ends up taking her even on Beaver's week.  The poor kid tries to plan...and with ADD it ain't easy for her.  Only to have Beaver completely mess those plans up and then SD is scrambling to get to work, etc.

DH awhile back had to tell Beaver..if your going to be late with SD for school on your weeks YOU have to take her to school.  I am not Uber and you don't just get to drop off SD and ASSume that I will take her to school since you caused her to miss the bus. The next time..SD will walk to school (only about 1.5 miles) since I am working by the the time you drop her off.  In the future if you are late you can ask me if I can take SD to school.

So Beaver has been late every day this week..and now she has to wait for SD to get what she needs from our house and then drive her to school. (now don't ask me why SD doesn't take what she needs to her mothers...I don't know and I don't care either)

Beaver had been just dropping of SD late and taking off right away so DH would have to take her to school.


TrueNorth77's picture

What in the hell kind of shit show do they have going on there?? Gee, if only there were a better way to do it...oh wait, there is: Beaver can get her ass in gear, have SD take what she needs to Beaver's house, or better yet, SD can get her damn license! I (guess) I understand that kids can be scared to drive. I also think that kids can be afraid of a lot of things, and if you wait for them to come to it on their own, you can be waiting a long time. There are kids 18+ who don't drive because someone will just take them places and no one made them do it. Same with never making them move out onto their own-That's not actually helping them, that's enabling. 

Harry's picture

Is your DH ex.  He LoVe her. He made SD with her.  He must be the adult.  You had nothing to do with DH,  Beaver, SD. 
keep it that way.  He has to do, what he must do.  He can't let SD life be a total mess.  But this  is not your concern 

CLove's picture

He def needs to make it more uncomfortable for her. She doesnt want to wait? Beaver unreliable? Get your license dear.

AlmostGone834's picture

My thoughts exactly. It seems they only pick up on social cues when it's convenient for them... ie. I'm bored here and ready to go now

halo1998's picture

but in this case it was Beaver flaking so and honestly it was a 15 minute thing...I didn't care either way.  I was home in my jammies and eating my omlet.

floralsm's picture

I get it. If one of the skids was in our town and needed to be picked up because Toxic BM was being her typical unreliable self, DH would go and get them to bring them here with of course asking me what my thoughts are. If I was in my dressing gown and happily having my coffee watching my show I wouldn't really care as it's him dealing with it and he's home to deal with BM picking them up. It's only when it bothers me and he still does it anyway is when I get annoyed. Like if it impacts me as we may have made  plans then sorry SD call an Uber. 


CLove's picture

Its not situational its the principal of it...

PetSpoiler's picture

Why doesn't this girl get her license?  My daughter was initially scared and anxious about learning to drive but almost two months after turning 15, it was, hey Mom can you take me to get my permit?  I didn't really push her to do it.  I may have talked it up about how it was for me.  How I felt more independent and could just get in the car and go.  She used to get annoyed at DS because DS hurries for no one and I have to stay on him if it's something he doesn't want to do.  She got her license on her 16th birthday and drives herself to school.  I did the same thing with her getting a job, talking up the financial independence to be able to go off with friends, buy all the clothes she wants, save up for something she wants.  Plus gas is expensive.  She wanted a bank account too after her career prep teacher said that they all needed to get one.  I told her no job, no bank account.  She got a job after marching band was over per our agreement.  So talking it up helped with my daughter.  Maybe your husband could talk up the advantage of SD having her license.  I don't know if it would work but maybe? 

Yesterdays's picture

That is my approach as well. Talking it up about all of the benefits. Freedom and independence. Being able to do more fun things and on their own timeline. 

halo1998's picture

like we did for the other 3 kids. Its a no go...and outside of forcing her into the car...not sure what else we can do.  DH has already told SD....she will be 18 here in 15 months...and he will not be driving her to college/trade school.  Beaver I know rides SD about driving all the time since she doesn't want to drive SD anywhere.

CLove's picture

Have her sit in the drivers seat, and push some pedals and touch the steering wheel. Every day.