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hachikou's picture

I'm really glad I found this website. I'm the only step mother in my group of friends (and the only one with family and kids in the group) so when I have problems or issues or just need to rant, they try their best to understand but it is difficult for them. sorry for the long entry, it is my first time blogging XD

I am a step mom to 2 wonderful kids and I have been married to my husband for 5 years, together for 6. When I first came into our kids lives, my husband's relationship with his ex-wife was very voilatile. They fought constantly, the divorce procedings were nasty, and because of distance (and some part on his ex-wife not wanting him to see their kids) he did not get to see his kids very often.

A lot has changed since then. Their relationship is lot more cordial and friendly-ish but it took a lot of effort. When we first met, his ex also tried to fight me and complain about me to my husband. I never fought back and tried to reassure her that I am not there to try and whisk our kids away or make her look bad in anyway. I truely fell in love with our kids since our first playdate and just wanted what was best for them. I also have a step father so I knew how terrible the kids feel when they see their parents fighting. They were already trying to adjust to the divorce and it didn't help whenever they continued to hear fights between their mom and dad. So whenever his ex-wife had a new complaint about me, I tried my best to talk to her and accomidate whatever she had complained about. I also reasoned with my husband to stop giving into his anger and resentment and try to start somewhat mending their relationship for the sake of our kids. 

It took a little while but we are all at a point now where we can speak to each other with whatever problems ours kids have going on without anyone blaming the other parent or instigating a new fight. If we have a big birthday party planned for our kids, we invite them (their mom and step dad and little sister) over and if the kids get in trouble for something, we discuss the discipline plan together so everyone is on the same page. Sometimes their mom will call me for about an hour or so just talking about our kids and things that are going on in her life. It has been so much better for our kids and my husband and ex-wife, mentally and emotionally to be able to co-parent. 

But even with the all good, I still feel anxious and nervous. I think it may be because I try not to talk about anything that bothers me or have a group of friends that are experiencing the same thing and can relate. I'm hoping joining this site will help me branch out and feel less anxious. 


CLove's picture

Welcome! I hope that you will enjoy reading the posts on here. I think that you will find your situation more towards the ideal side of what we all experience, but Im certain that you will find many who are like minded as well.

Perhaps if you spend some time reading, you will find there are things that you do need help with, or that you need to post about. Many times, what seems ideal at the time, on further reflection, will present itself in a different way.

So - glad that you are here! Perhaps you can share some of your success and how you achieved it. It sounds like from your post that you really did bend over backwards and really did try to accomodate the BM in many ways over the years.

It also sounds like you are accepted as an equity life partner in all ways to your spouse, his ex wife, and the children.

So - welcome!

JRI's picture

It sounds like you are doing well.  I think most of us feel anxious and nervous.  Steplife does that.  Feel free to vent here, we understand.  Good luck.

Esperanza's picture

Welcome !

I'm also new and have a bit of a similar situation than you. There's no major drama but there are issues here and there that have been challenging and hard to navigate. Usually everything is good and smooth but I still get anxious about the complexity of step life !

Vent away when you need and enjoy the site Lol