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personal update

Gwen's picture

It's been awhile since I've posted, just felt like spilling out an update. Mediation for DH's increase in custody started in late May, one session, relatively positive as far as one can tell, we think (cross fingers). We are asking for increase from 25% to 50% custody.

BM made up some complaints about communication that mostly aren't true. DH does a lot of research and put together what he thinks is a good proposal for 50/50 time.

The next sessions aren't until mid-July. We went to see the attorney about the change in custody last October. By the time we get a decision, it will be a year. Why does it take so effing long? Six months later and only one mediation session. Sheesh.

One piece of good news is that I gave DH a booklet I found online re: co-parenting communication, and he gave it to BM by way of the mediation materials, and she told us in an email that she thought it made sense. So maybe we are making progress (ahem). Things are pretty chilly with BM right now b/c of the mediation, so communication has slowed to a crawl but a good crawl --nothing important is left out and the kids seem very happy.

DH, he seems fine, mostly doesn't complain -- but then he can't sleep. (which keeps me up all night). And we fight, b/c he's leaning on me for EVERYTHING but giving back very little, and I get tired of it. This makes me nervous about what if he succeeds in increasing custody? I love my skids dearly, but in some key ways, DH is classic narcissist/dependent male stereotype, and I am classic female "I don't want gifts, I want emotional support."

And I am having an even harder time than ever attending kid events where BM and her family is present, b/c I am so upset at her denying DH the custody increase, but I have to keep smiling civilly and making small talk. I get away as quickly as I can. I always feel like throwing up. And then DH doesn't support me emotionally and I feel like, what the heck am I doing putting all this energy in? I get so conflicted.

DH's 40th bday is coming up, and I'm trying to do all these cool things for him, and then I get resentful. I wish the good times were more and the stressful times less. I am starting to have irregular heartbeats, clearly related to stress. Ugh.


Little Jo's picture

You are a good person. I give you credit for being civil in those situations. I don't know if I could do it. Fearless is right, in planning something special for his B-day. Sometimes you got to go back to the basics. As much as we love & live for the kids ( it certainly feels like it ), we can't forget about ourselves.

Hugs. Jo

Gwen's picture

Thanks ladies! You are the best! I love your idea F, that is so sweet! And I sooooo appreciate the props Little Jo. I try so hard to do what's right for my beautiful skids, but also what's right for me too. It's hard to find the balance, and control my tendency to internalize the emotional ups and downs of this situation.

I have to laugh-my SS9 was having a chat with his dad last weekend and he said seriously, "Daddy, why doesn't Gwen stay home and take care of us (like Mom does) and you can go to work and make all the money." Hahaha. Wouldn't that be nice? I won't add the more-than-slightly-bitter sarcasm here that I could, and just roll around happily in the fact that my SS accepts me and loves me and likes it when I care for him and his sister Smile

Thanks you guys.