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She countered

Gunner's picture

We had our weekly therapy session last night and my wife gave her counter.
*No extras period, no cash no checks nothing beyond child support
*She wants me to pay for half of private school for my kids and not 1 cent more
*She will file for child support, she filed last week
*She wants me to go back to paying her bills
*She made her own therapy appointment to help her get over the resentment (her word) of my kids

Our therapist had each of us talk about what we felt was reasonable about our lists and what was not and why we felt that way. When I explained to my wife that I was worried about my children not having the same standard of living they have now she didn't care and said that is my exs problem not ours. I told her it was my problem and we argued. The therapist stopped us and asked her to explain why I might feel its important to me and my wife got upset and said she is tired of my f@cking kids being the most important topic and she is sick of them and she wishes they would go the f@ck away. I got up and walked out. I slept on the couch last night and we haven't spoken. I tired to make a solo appointment with our therapist but she referred me to a colleague of hers and said she can't do marriage and individual with me. Her referral is booked 3 weeks out and I am frustrated.

Comments

Gunner's picture

I don't think I'm wrapped up in my kids, I'm a parent. I enjoy my kids and I enjoy spending time with them and they are good kids. I don't care if my ex is happy or not and I'm not a people pleaser.

WalkOnBy's picture

Every word of this -

I have no issue with your wife's request for you to pay half of the school tuition, but I wouldn't pay for her kids' tuition, either.

I also wonder if you are totally enamored of your kids and feel that giving them everything under the sun equates to love....

TwoOfUs's picture

Yeah.

The fact that she said she's tired of them being "the most important" and the main topic of every conversation is very telling. I don't think that spoiling children and making your entire life revolve around your kids is being a "good dad." Sounds like your partner is feeling second class and neglected...and that she's misplacing that resentment onto your kids. I have felt this way many, many times in my marriage...a first marriage for me but a second marriage for my husband who has 3 kids. Sometimes it's felt like his kids' whims and wants have come before my needs. I'll be honest...that really hurts and it's made me think "F*****g Kids!" before though I haven't said those exact words. I have been clear and honest about my feelings with my DH before, though, and he has come around and understood. Interestingly, we he took the pressure off for me to be a "happy family" with his kids...I started liking them a whole lot more and doing more with them of my own free will.

I do think it's time for some self-reflection, Gunner...because it's totally possible to raise happy, healthy, productive kids without giving them anything and everything they want....and without sacrificing all your other relationships. I will say...one thing that got through to my husband was when OTHER people...friends and family rather than just me...started telling him he let the kids call the shots too much. For instance, my OSD used to go up to my DH when we were at a party or something, clench her hands into fists by her side and say something like: "Can we leeeeeeeeeavvvve daaaaad?! Noooowwww?!" And like, within 5 minutes we'd all be packing into the car to head out. Didn't matter that the other two kids were having a good time...that I was having a good time. We left when OSD was ready to go. This is the kind of spoiled, entitled behavior that gets old real quick when they're NOT your kids. A couple close friends as well as DH's mom did him the favor of telling him he was 'hopping to' 'for the kids' far too much...and that he talked about them too much. It's not like you shouldn't ever talk about your kids...but if that's ALL you talk about, that also gets old for other people real quick.

My husband started saying no to his kids more often and catering to their whims much less...I'm pretty sure it's turned them into better people than they would have been otherwise and I know it's saved my sanity and my marriage.

I think it's good that she's filed for CS. I think you can come to some agreement that works well for everyone and is more of a compromise than what you originally offered which, as many people noted, wasn't really much of a change if any. I'd suggest CS plus house until youngest is 21 plus tuition. No extra check or other extras except when they're with you and you're spending on them directly. It seems like that's a reasonable middle ground. I would also continue to help my spouse with personal bills for all the reasons I've stated. Helping her only helps/increases your own household.

Gunner's picture

There is no need to call my my wife names. I came here for advice not to have my wife demeaned.

TwoOfUs's picture

Lashy is one of the many trolls on this site who is crude and loves to hate on stepmoms. It's very natural for a woman to feel resentment for another woman's kids when it starts to feel like her life and her schedule is revolving around them...before $$$ even comes into it. This does not make your wife a bad person or a gold digger. It sounds like she is trying to make things better for you and ease your concerns by filing for CS, even though you know she doesn't want to. I think that's a good thing.

I've never seen a poster on here "mocking" a stepkid for missing their dad...just FYI. If anything...I see the opposite quite a lot...stepmoms wondering how they can help their husbands be better dads...spending time, money and other resources to try to mend relationships they didn't break...and then getting no appreciation for it at all. Trust me, it's a thankless, thankless role. Often, these women who try to help are ostracized and demonized by the step kids after being taken for everything they're worth. You may see some frustration about ADULT step kids who are enmeshed...won't leave...are STILL trying to insert themselves into their dad's marriage. There are lots of frustrations and resentments you will see on this site...but almost none are unjustified or irrational.

Can you give us anymore specifics about your wife's complaints about the kids? So far, you e just said vaguely that she has some complaints. It may be good to remember that most of the time, women are far more in tune with emotions and relational nuances than men, so it's almost certain that your wife's experiences with your kids are not what you think they are.

Oh...and it's definitely a good idea to ignore Lashy entirely. She just likes to bash on SMs and I don't think she is one.

Willow2010's picture

she is sick of them and she wishes they would go the f@ck away.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Your wife is just a crazy pants huh? A lot of steps feel this way but who the heck actually verbalizes it. Lol

I do sort of get your wifes frustration…I mean…you ARE paying for another womans bills and not hers. I would be damn if my DH would pay for another womans bills period. But I would not have married you for that reason so she knew what she was getting into.

I also get your frustration…I mean…she is crazy to your kids. She even said they are good kids but still hates them. And she is greedy. I would just keep up with the therapy for now, but I would watch her like a hawk around your kids. She sounds like the type to really upset the apple cart just so she gets her way.

twoviewpoints's picture

Glad this is you and not me. I love my husband dearly...but any man told me he wished my kids would go the f*ck away, and he'd get his wish in a heartbeat. Kids and I would be gone in a flash.

Wouldn't matter if he were going to start therapy and work on his resentment and feelings. I would not put my kids through the time and process it would likely take.

Nope. No man worth that.

But that's me, and I'm not you. So good luck to you, Gunner. Whatever you do.

justkeepstepping's picture

"I love my husband dearly...but any man told me he wished my kids would go the f*ck away, and he'd get his wish in a heartbeat. Kids and I would be gone in a flash."

My thoughts exactly.

FrenchPeas's picture

Referring to the kids as f***ing kids would be grounds for divorce. Period. Nothing else withstanding. I couldn't stand my steps and never called them that.

Cut her loose Gunner.

nengooseus's picture

Kids do not come first in my marriage. I married by husband, and it's the two of us against the world. I am on his team and he is on mine, and neither one of us ever questions it. And our relationship is one of equals. He earns more than I do, but I am every bit his equal in all things.

Gunner, you aren't treating your wife as an equal, and you are actively prioritizing your children above her. And in her eyes, you are prioritizing your X, as well. You will pay any and all bills for your kids--even those that your XW should be covering--to maintain your kids' standard of living, but you want to divide the bills with your current wife. Apparently her well-being matters less to you than that of your kids--and of your XW, who lives for free in a house you own.

I wouldn't want to be in that marriage, but some to some people, that would be fine--as long as it was clear prior to the marriage, but it seems like you're changing the rules after the fact here because you're mad that your wife isn't happy. The money is a symptom, and so is her excessive resentment of your kids, but neither is the real issue in this marriage. This isn't a marriage of equals. You want to do what you want to do and you use money as a mechanism to do that.

WalkOnBy's picture

Yup - kids don't come first in my marriage, either.

Gunner is absolutely using money as a way to keep his wife in her place. This is sooooooo not a marriage of equals, and who the heck wants to be in that kind of a marriage?

Looks to me like the gunner pecking order is:
gunner
gunner's kids
gunner's XW
everyone else in gunner's world
gunner's current wife

Who the hell wants that???

secret's picture

Sounds like she just wants to feel like your ex is paying her fair share. Fair to you might mean that you pay 100% of the expenses... but fair to your wife might mean you don't pay for your ex's half... especially when you're making your wife pay hers.

Have you asked her what she expects you to do with the money you'd be saving by not paying more than half of the expenses when it comes to your kids?

Does she expect you to bank it, so that she can perhaps leave and take half with her? Do you have a pre-nup?

What would she think if you were to nix the cash hand-over to your ex, and instead, put the money in accounts for the kids? Or a trust?

People say things when they're upset. Hurtful things - because they want you to feel as badly as they do when they're not being validated.

Accepting your wife's anger and resentment about your kids doesn't mean you need to be in agreement with her about it... she is entitled to her feelings, and you do not have the right to tell her she's wrong for having them. She's fed up with situations... and unfortunately, though your kids aren't the cause of it, they ARE the tangible evidence that the issues remain unaddressed. She sees them, and thinks Oh Look at them in their expensive clothes... there goes more money!

It seems to come down to money with her. I don't think it's because you're spending... I think it's because she can't. She doesn't seem to be able to afford the standard of living you clearly want to maintain for everyone... and she seems to feel like you're willing to maintain it for everyone BUT her.

Feelings and perceptions aren't always based on the realities as you know them... they're based on the realities as SHE knows them. She sounds like she's at the end of her rope, and unfortunately she seems to believe that your kids are at the root of her issues. They are, indirectly...because after all, if you didn't have them, there wouldn't be these issues... but they are not the cause - she's misdirecting her frustration towards them, because they are what she sees. She can't see feelings. She can feel the feelings when she sees your kids.

Hikinggal's picture

It sounds like a stressful and unhappy situation, I am sorry for you both and for the kids because I am sure they sense it/feel it, too. I hope you can come together and create an actual united front together. It sounds like you are each more into your kids, separately than united at anything. Is that accurate? I just think, no matter what, hearing how she feels about your kids will be a tough one to recover from. For her and you and them. I don't have advise as I just can't relate -- but I hope the best for you all.

TwoOfUs's picture

That's really not correct. Usually it's when SM has more assets and no kids and it's clear she's being taken advantage of/her quality of life or ability to save for retirement is being damaged or threatened by unrealistic expectations that she pay for someone else's kids.

This situation is very, very different in that:

1.) Gunner's wife is CP so they have to live with her...in a house that Gunner has said was his before they married and that he doesn't plan to sell even after all kids move out. Just as many keep pointing out that it "doesn't cost him anything" to let his ex live in a paid for house...it also doesn't really cost him anything to let his step kids benefit from this house he owns and wants to live in with their mother...especially since she buys the groceries and TP and such.

2.) It's clearly not harming Gunner or his quality of life to pick up a couple bills for his WIFE...like her cell phone and Student Loans. However, changing their arrangement now because he's frustrated with her WOULD harm her significantly. In my mind, household needs like cell phones and student loan payments benefit the entire home...increase our net worth and our ability to go about life together as a couple. Why would I want to hinder that just because I'm frustrated with my husband? I say this as the higher earner...that seems really dumb and nitpicky to me...especially if it's something I could so easily afford. Why would I want to watch my spouse scrambling around, trying to make ends meet...feeling stress...when I could push a button, take care of it, and not even feel it? Seems shortsighted and kind of mean to me.

I think this is what most are responding to...the sense that Gunner is willing to totally pick up all slack for his ex, no questions asked...but wants to nickel and dime his wife.

TwoOfUs's picture

Again, I have already pointed this out on other posts, but often Student Loan repayment is based on the joint income of the household...so Gunner's wife could easily be facing a much higher monthly SL bill because of marrying Gunner.

And, yes, taking care of the needs of one spouse, when you have the ability to do so without harming yourself, IS a benefit to your household since the two of you make up the household. For instance, my DH and I both have Student Loans. We both took on this debt before we knew each other. In theory, these degrees we've gotten help us earn more than we would earn without them. Benefit to the household #1. My DH and I both work freelance / own a business. Sometimes, we do special appearances or consult with colleges about new arts programs or do curriculum development. We are qualified for this because we have higher educations degrees...so I want to benefit from the $10K freelance job that DH lands because of his degree...but when he's had a bad month or a bad couple of months, I don't want to pay the $200 so he doesn't default on his loans? Or vice versa when I come up short one month? To me, that's not how a marriage works. By picking up the tab when I'm able and being a partner to my husband, I not only benefit financially...I also have a happier marriage and a happier home. Benefit to the household #2. It's not all about money.

Again...paying her cell phone bill & Student Loan bill doesn't decrease his quality of life or ability to save and care for himself AT ALL...by his own admission. Making her pay would decrease her quality of life by A LOT...so now she's living in a home where her stepkids, and her husband's ex, get the best of everything with no questions asked and she has to scramble to make ends meet...maybe pick up an extra job...something. I would never do that to my spouse.

TwoOfUs's picture

He has said that he pays for household bills plus a few of her personal bills and has, in the past, done the deposit for stepkids private school while she makes the remaining monthly payments. She works full time and makes about the same as his ex-wife, who doesn't seem to have to pay any of her own bills.

She pays for groceries and household items, other needs for her kids, and saves for family vacation.

This has never sounded like an unfair split to me...but I may be basing that off of my household bills. Where I live, we pay more for groceries and sundries than we pay in utilities each month...especially with kids in the household. He never said that he buys all the groceries when his kids are there...and he has three teens who are there about half the time. The vacation fund that she saved was supposed to include him and his kids as well as hers...so, in the past, she has covered things for his kids just like he has covered a few things for hers.

If they want to reassess this...totally fine...but I think it's wrong to do it just because you're angry about how your spouse feels about your kids or because you've had an argument...and I think it's wrong to implement the change instantly / within a couple weeks. Again, I am the higher earner in my relationship, and if I needed to readdress our finances, I wouldn't do it in a way that left my spouse out on a limb the way Gunner seems to be doing. This is what makes me feel like it's more about control than it is about money.

TwoOfUs's picture

No, I'm not. As I've mentioned many times...Gunner owned the house before their marriage, says he loves the house, and that he doesn't plan on selling it, even when his kids are grown and gone. It's his family home.

Based on this info, it's clear that her living with him hasn't made him go get a bigger house...it hasn't increased his mortgage one bit. In this sense, he is no more "paying for her" to live in this home than he is "paying for his ex to live in a home" rent-free...many people keep screeching that it's costing him nothing to let his ex live rent-free in a home that he owns...but then acting like his current wife should be paying him a sort of rent to live with him in this other house he owns. I really don't get it.

TwoOfUs's picture

Um...well, yeah he has and you can also figure it out. He pays massive CS plus 1K extra plus all tuition plus any large extras like sleepaway camp and extracurricular activities. All this while his ex doesn't even have to pay rent for the free house they're all living in...so there's one bill we know she's not paying. You don't think any of this very large CS payment goes toward her personal bills or wants? OK.

MrsZipper's picture

To give some perspective on that "lifestyle" when YSD was a teen she did a straightening process to her hair. Every time she went in it cost $800 and she got touch ups every 3 months. This wasn't even counting haircuts and blowouts. Every year around $4000 was spent on just YSDs hair. It is possible that the extra money is being spent on ridiculous things for skids that people can't even imagine.

WalkOnBy's picture

actually, he has said that many, many times in his various blogs regarding this issue.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Another, I would be furious in that situation, too. However, I don't think it's quite the same as Gunner's situation. For one thing, you flat out told him what you felt and why. There was an open and frank discussion. You did not make up some fairy story about a little girl's private parts. Nor did you demand he go on vacay with your 2 nieces while he left his own kids behind.

I do agree gunner is being asked to pay for his skids which enriches their bio dad while being extorted to abandon lifestyle perks and even time with his own kids.

yolo222's picture

Once you marry your debts become your spouses. Not sure why they would have gotten married if he didn't want to deal with her debts and vice versa. I would not even get married to someone without all debts being paid off first. Except for home loans

yolo222's picture

I'm not speaking legally. I'm saying if you marry someone you share everything. That's what marriage is.

WalkOnBy's picture

while it might be time for a divorce, it isn't because she said "f*cking kids" in front of the therapist.

Newsflash - emotions tend to get pretty high in a therapeutic setting. Pretty sure it wasn't the first time the therapist has heard that.

If you can't be honest about your feelings in a therapist's office, you have no business being in one.

WalkOnBy's picture

guilty of saying this about my -

kids
skids
parents
friends
pretty much anyone I have ever come in contact with

secret's picture

yep

WalkOnBy's picture

if she's honest, she does.

Hell, we have all said that or something very similar about our own kids at one point in our lives.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I think you're at a point where the irreconcilable differences are insurmountable. And I think you're both being unreasonable.

I haven't read all the comments to your previous posts but saw that there's a massive eruption the second your name shows up.

You have lifestyle differences, which is a major irreconcilable difference. Didn't you discuss all of this ahead of time? My DH and I discussed college, weddings, everything before we got married. My kids were 10 and 11 at the time.

Why would you expect to pay more above and beyond child support? If you are a high wage earner, child support is reflecting that. Any woman you marry is going to resent that.

Why would you pay more than half of private school for your kids? Their mother should be responsible for the other half. If you think you should you should give money freely to your first family/BM, above and beyond child support, why did you drag another woman into your personal mess?

On the other hand, why has she not filed for child support until now? Why does she expect you to subsidize her own children? I NEVER expected my DH to fund my children. I saved for their college. We both had good jobs but DH moved into my house. I would have never made a step into a bigger lifestyle and dragged my children into it with so many uncertainties about how finances would really shake out.

You are not responsible for paying her bills, but if you are throwing money around to your first family while she struggles, the optics look bad from her perspective.

Not sure why she doesn't resent you, rather than your kids. But at the same time, as a parent I could not recover from hearing my spouse say he wished my f#cking kids would go away.

Again, this is just based on what you have said in this post, and I know there were more details in other posts. But I think the circumstances and both of your unreasonableness have ended your marriage.

TwoOfUs's picture

Of course she resents him and not his kids. Misdirected resentment and anger happens all the time in blended family life. Hopefully, therapy will help them work through that.

Gunner's picture

My wife just sent me an email apologizing for her behavior last night and admitting she was wrong. She wants to make my favorite for dinner tonight and have a quiet night by the pool but first she needs the deposit for my step kids private school. It's due today. I sent her an email back telling her I love her and dinner and relaxing by the pool sounds great but I'm not giving her the deposit for private school. She needs to work that out with their dad.

robin333's picture

And that's my point. Ex is treated better than current wife. Some partnership. I would be gone.

WalkOnBy's picture

Yup - I would be out of there so fast .

She's such an afterthought in this marriage - now that she's sick of the way he treats her.

Also, I was being super sarcastic in the above comment Blum 3 Blum 3 Blum 3 Blum 3

Pharlap's picture

I wouldn't t be surprised if Gunner is court ordered to pay the majority, if not all, of the tuition to his kids on top of the CS. Sounds like there is a big income disparity between him and his ex and it's not an uncommon order.

WalkOnBy's picture

Nope - he willingly pays all tuition, all expenses, gives his XW a free place to live, will pay for college and graduate school, too.

XW doesn't work, doesn't contribute much of anything to her own children's expenses.

Oh, and he gives her EXTRA money on top of the CS and paying for literally everything else for his kids.

WalkOnBy's picture

and yet, doesn't pay for housing, doesn't pay for school, doesn't pay for extras...my goodness, whatever does she do with her money??

WalkOnBy's picture

because he said he pays for his kids' private school and all extras.

See my tag line, please.

TwoOfUs's picture

He doesn't have to say that he pays his ex-wife's bills as its obvious. For one, he pays for ALL of her housing by not charging her...but that doesn't even matter. CS is already calculated to cover Gunner's HALF of the expenses for raising their joint kids. Then he goes and gives an extra 1K on top of that and covers major expenses in their entirety. So, yes, by definition he IS paying her bills...if only what she should be putting toward the care of her own children.

There's just no way that his money going into that house isn't paying for some of her wants and needs, period.

ChiefGrownup's picture

She did tell him in an earlier thread that skids summer visit should cease. And I believe something curtailed about the regular school year visits. Not to mention drop them from vacation. That is pretty brazen.

Her comment in the session last night comes ON TOP of serious demands to quite significantly cut back his time with his children.

Otherwise the thread is getting so long I can't keep up any more.

SacrificialLamb's picture

"Otherwise the thread is getting so long I can't keep up any more.

Wait until your SD is an adult and you're visiting the wedding posts on the Adult Forum.

WalkOnBy's picture

He isn't obligated, but he has paid the deposit (while he was making same for his kids) and the current wife would make the remaining payments for her kids.

He had no problem with this until current wife brought up VacationGate.

WalkOnBy's picture

No, Cocktail, I don't think that. What I think is that he shouldn't be using his finances to bully his wife.

He is trying to punish her by withdrawing funds he willingly spent before.

And, he isn't fully supporting his skids.

she contributes to the household, too. She buys groceries and other things, which in a house with kids, is often more than a utility bill.

TwoOfUs's picture

Yeah - this "fully supporting his skids" while not supporting his own thing is just such BS.

He puts such a minute percentage of his assets toward skids in the grand scheme of things...a drop in the bucket, really. His wife currently picks up nearly all of their expenses...INCLUDING SCHOOL. I wish people would quit saying he pays for their school. He doesn't. They live in the house because their mom lives there. Period, end of story. He's not supporting a larger house because she has kids...so you really can't lay that at their door...or hers. This is the house HE wants to live in, that he has always lived in, and that he plans to continue to live in once all kids are grown and gone. Again...if it's not a problem for some of you that his ex wife benefits so greatly because he's providing for his kids, it shouldn't be a problem that his skids benefit a little bit because he's providing for his wife.

She's also not asking that he withdraw all support. She's asking that he be more reasonable about the extras. As his wife, she should get some say about how finances are handled in their shared home.

justkeepstepping's picture

WOW :jawdrop:

Aniki-Moderator's picture

You better make alternate plans for dinner...

Of course she's sorry. Anything to get $$$ for her kids' school.

WalkOnBy's picture

Meh - not sure of that, Aniki. Perhaps she is relying on the long standing tradition of him paying for her kids to go to FancyPants High?

this guy is really something else...

TwoOfUs's picture

Right? I mean, she JUST filed for CS last week. She is trying.

So, Gunner is going to deny a deposit...saying she needs to work it out with her ex who she JUST filed on? That seems fair to her and the kids.

Gunner...would you not even be willing to "lend" the deposit until she starts getting CS?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Lend?? Pfffft. GIVE. She might agree to pay it back, but I don't see that ever happening.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I agree

Aniki-Moderator's picture

FancyPants High?! LOL!!

Not certain I'd want to eat a dinner she cooked. Maybe she plans to off him so she can have a portion of his $$$.

I'm stepping back from this. This is feeling fake to me.

WalkOnBy's picture

Right? I wouldn't eat anything she offered right now.

I was watching "American Greed" last night and learned how to poison someone with a nicotine overdose.

I agree, this seems to be yet another crew...

WalkOnBy's picture

He used nicotine and cadmium. Dissolved them into a solution and then injected her with it. Took 16 years to finally tie him to the murder.

He should have just gone with foxglove, though. Seems much easier Smile

WalkOnBy's picture

great, now I have the image of Jeremy Irons in my head and that voice in my ears. I LOVE that man....

Pharlap's picture

Seems like she always backtracks and gets sweet when she needs something or realizes how much of a gravy train is in jeopardy. I think you are both acting like entitled jackasses in my opinion. Divorce or at least a period of seperation might for the best.

ChiefGrownup's picture

You gave her the right response, Gunner.

Let's see what happens next. Since you have said no to the money I wonder if you will be treated to another drama where she leaves the house or pronounces her ultimate superiority as a partner. Perhaps you two are destined to follow the Lix Taylor/Richard Burton school of marriage.

FrenchPeas's picture

Good for you!!! Bet your dinner offer was withdrawn. She's crapped in her bird nest, hasn't she?

FrenchPeas's picture

Lmao I would imagine not. But she's certainly not making her's better. Gawd, she's an idiot! Hahahaha

redneck69's picture

Just because your wife doesn't like your children and doesn't want them around, you shouldn't treat your wife's kids differently than you have in the past. It isn't their fault that you and your wife are having problems communicating. if you have paid the deposit in the past so the kids can go to the same school then why not continue until your wife starts receiving cs. If they have to change schools then you can bet that the wife will start bad mouthing you to her kids and it will get worse. I understand not paying her personal bills but the kids are collateral damage in all this.

MissDenise's picture

Gunner this is what we did. WE paid our half for his kids, and our half for mine. The other exes have to pay their half. That is what is fair. This makes you a team, but don't pay more than half or the exes bills. Your wife is right about this. Also your number 1 priority is making sure you and your wife's lifestyle is number 1. You both need to be thinking about retirements etc. If you can't afford it then they can also go to a public school.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Gunner, I'm sorry to hear this. I do not find her counter proposal reasonable. If your wife's only path to happiness is to eliminate the presence of your children in her life there is no way to make her happy without leaving her.

My SD is quite an awful person and miserable to be around but I have never ever said to her dad I wish she would go away. I have always supported him being with her. It's true that he does not see the truth about her. If he came here he would undoubtedly describe her differently than I do and he would tell you how he feels sorry for her.

But I have objective facts on my side such as her rock bottom performance in school. Gunner also has some objective facts including the same: his kids do well in school. If my sd were the exact same horrible person in every way except did well in school my life would be sooooooooo much better. Doing well in school also tells you that these kids are capable of cooperation, respect for authority, and working at something. So I just don't see how it's possible that Gunner's kids are all that bad. They aren't. Yet his wife could harbor such a wish while I don't even about my sd.

It seems that maybe your wife has a dream in her head that her ex doesn't really exist and yours shouldn't either and it's really just the 2 of you. But reality keeps intruding and your kids are the proof of that reality as well as the cash. Perhaps her behavior stems from the frustration over the failure of her dream to become reality.

I would not agree to her terms. They are not a realistic counter offer. I'm glad she filed for cs but it's not enough. I expected her to want to tweak your proposal but not to decimate it.

Perhaps if she is that allergic to the sight of your kids she can become a part time wife. Get yourself a second place where you live with your kids during summer and other visits. She never has to see them. She won't see you during that time either and she will have to do all the cooking for her own kids and she will certainly have to support them 100% including tuition. I don't see how else she can achieve her goal of making them "go away" without flat out divorcing. Since you won't be having your kids in that house any more (and will need the money) you will probably have to sell it for a smaller one. She won't like that, either.

Basically, I don't see how you can make her happy at all if she does not change her expectations. I hope therapy finds some better paths forward for you two.

TwoOfUs's picture

So, wait. He should forego any potential for a happy and fulfilled marriage until his youngest is out of GRAD SCHOOL?!?! Did I read that correctly?

Man, now I've heard everything.

Yes, Gunner - please sacrifice yourself and everything you have and everything you want on the altar of your kids and your ex-wife. Then, they will grow up and have their own lives and be too busy to see you...or, really, they just need to spend this holiday with mom this year...you understand, right? And you get to grow old alone. Enjoy.

TwoOfUs's picture

That's not what Heaven said. She said he should have a longterm GF who he doesn't live with or build a life together with until the youngest is out of grad school. I don't know many serious women who are willing to live that way...basically as a f*** buddy? But OK.

yolo222's picture

^^* this comment right here is the problem with society and the reason why marriages fail. Yes gunner just go find a new women perhaps some low lying fruit of woman kind that will put up with all the things your wife does not OR you can be a decent man and change and work things out with your current wife which would be the respectable thing to do. Put her first. Treat her right. If u do anything less she deserves someone better. You were the one who vowed to love and cherish her ABOVE ALL OTHERs. Are u currently doing this? Folks your kids are going to be grown and gone in a few years. Keep your priorities in check. Why did u get married gunner ?!? Don't say to be happy. That's not what marriage is about. It's about a decision and a commitment to place your spouses needs even above your own. Your wife resents your kids now but you made her that way. It has nothing to do with the kids. It's u.

TwoOfUs's picture

If his story is to be believed, his first wife cheated on him and left him.

hereiam's picture

Expecting someone to change after marriage is never a good plan.

Exactly this ^^^^

I think she thought it was all fine and dandy at first, she was, after all, getting a pretty good deal. She figured after some time, she could change how much money he spent on his kids AND how much time he spent with them. She tried manipulating the family vacation to exclude his kids and then it ALL came out, the money, summer visitation, how much she resents it all, and he's not having it. And good for him.

He had no problem paying her bills and giving her a good life until SHE started manipulating and making demands.

A lot of people would not put up with their spouse trying to dictate what they do for their own kids or how much time they spend with them.

ChiefGrownup's picture

^^^^Exactly this, hereiam.

Her demands and tactics are simply not reasonable.

All of us here have had our resentments and anger over the other household. I don't recall any of us trying to cut skids out of vacation or accepting support for our own kids while declaring the others should "just go away."

I do not wish to be around my stepdaughter, it's true. I'm as resentful and hurt as any sm here. But I always support and encourage my dh being with her. I babysit the other skid so he can be with her quite often; I have told him to go for full custody of her; I've sat out alone and uninvited so he can go hover around her (only once that I can recall but it counts). I have supported him paying for her braces even though in the decree it was supposed to be on BM and BM extended out the cost by years not making her brush her teeth or wear the retainer. I have insisted dh pay out of pocket for expensive autism classes for ss even though bm is supposed to get these services for free from the state. We even paid for a babysitter to pick up the boy from bm's house and deliver him to said class when we were out of town cuz bm couldn't be bothered.

It is just not normal, frustrated and hurt sm stuff let alone loving wife stuff to want to cut off more or less decent skids while your own kids take their place.

WalkOnBy's picture

so, HR - how do you grocery shop? Do you submit an itemized bill to your husband for the food that he eats?

What about the electric bill? do you quantify how much electricity you and your kid use and then pay hubby back?

House payment? Real estate taxes??

Aniki-Moderator's picture

NOT TAXES!!!!!

FFS, I'd rather dance with a nekkid BioHo than hear one more word about TAXES. ~sobs~

TwoOfUs's picture

I agree with this 100%.

Your wife may leave you at this point - and it won't be because she's a greedy, gold-digging b****. It will be because you were continuing to play husband to another woman while expecting your wife to happily go along with it with no resentment. And because you tried to "punish" her when she did express some resentment.

That's just not how loving, healthy marriages work. I know I can say anything to my DH and he'll try to understand where I'm coming from...and vice versa. We don't abuse that and are generally very kind to each other...but if he expresses frustration or outrage about my family...I disagree with him but I don't "punish" him for having those feelings. I try to get to the root of it and change MY behavior that's making my DH feel like I care about my mom or my sisters more than him. Same goes for him with his kids. He doesn't take it personally...he reassures me that it's US against the world.

Maybe that's not the kind of marriage that you have...and maybe it's not even what you want, Gunner. But it sounds like it is what your wife wants...so she should go get it. I think it's a good goal and a good way to live, frankly. With someone you love because you choose to love them.

WalkOnBy's picture

He was willing to do those things, HR. HE was doing those things.

No one put a gun to his head and told him that he had to pay a bill or make a deposit for FancyPants High...

nengooseus's picture

Amen, anotherstep.

And I think we all know that it sometimes feels like our lives are completely taken over by someone else's kids and life.

Also, I don't hear Gunner being his skids' greatest fan, either. But again, he'll show them how little he thinks of them by cutting them off financially.

TwoOfUs's picture

Right? While his wife has to continue to try to get along with his kids, interact with them...go to therapy to deal with her feelings.

Seems like the compromise is currently entirely one-sided. His wife has filed for CS, his wife is trying to adjust expectations...he hasn't really agreed to change what he does one iota, he's just moving money around. But he IS still cutting her and her kids off. Man.

TwoOfUs's picture

Um. She's his wife. And it sounds like she's more upset about the outrageous extras going to the Ex...also, she hasn't said he has to support her kids. Doing a small deposit so that her kids can continue to go to the same school and not have to switch isn't at all the same as "supporting" her kids.

I am sure that, as a percentage of my income, I've done far, far more for my skids each year than Gunner does for his. He seems pennypinching and controlling...but only when it comes to his current wife. Not when it comes to his ex.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Applause applause applause! ^^^^ Imasmom

It just so happens we both want my sd to have proper orthodontia no matter that the doc stopped treating her because bm wouldn't pay the bill. So we sucked it up. So what?

My dh has also been generous with my relatives who have severely disabled children. It meant so much to me. He was glad to do it. On the flip side, I have been generous with my skids, especially ss. I do it out of love for dh, for ss and basic human decency. My dh also has a hobby that can be pricey. I'm just glad he does something for himself. I am certainly not counting out the pennies to make sure I get that much to spend on my own fancies.

I have more assets than dh but he has much more cash coming in. He is a fantastic provider and I'm lucky about that. I do not want his kids to have crooked teeth or any of a number of other things because BM is too infuriating to pay for them so, yes, we pay extra. I pay for my own healthcare and my own real estate and my own car. I think I would die of shame if I required him to pay all of that for me while insisting he yank the braces out of evil sd's mouth.

FrenchPeas's picture

A permanent vacation. She was super hateful and even when things got really bad as I was ending it with nimrod, and his kid put hands on me, I still never said stuff like that about them. In fact, I said they are your kids. Go to it. I'm out. With my kids who deserve better than this nonsense.

FrenchPeas's picture

I repeat. I never referred to my steps as "f***ing" anything. I never called them anything to their father or a therapist. I called nimrod a f***ing psycho to his face. But he is an adult. And his also a psycho. I've called their mother some colorful names. But I never said any such thing about the kids to either parent. So yeah.

TwoOfUs's picture

Yep. Sue...we are so on the same wavelength on all this.

Super vengeful and controlling. She literally JUST filed for CS last week and you're doing this crap, Gunner? She's trying...she's working through these issues...but now you're going to make her compromise and blend with your kids while you do nothing for hers? And you expect the resentment to DECREASE?! Good luck with that.

I have said it before and I will shout it to the rooftops - as the higher earner who doesn't bring ANY kids to the relationship, I would never, ever in a million years treat my spouse this way if I was upset with him. It's just cruel.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Heaven, that has me baffled, too. It sounds like having money equals "owing some" to skid life. :?

ChiefGrownup's picture

She agreed to pay for a certain amount of people to go on a certain vacation on a certain date. She broke that promise 6 ways to Sunday and any way you slice it that is the first promise that was broken.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I have said since the very beginning and many times since the money going to the second house would be a problem for any sm. But you handle that the way anotherstep recounts that she did in a post somewhere in this thread. You tell him to his face what you are feeling and why. You don't do sleight of hand and try to cut skids off from their father.

Or frankly, you do it like I have done. "I am not sitting at the dinner table with the two of you ever again (SD and DH). This is why." After many many attempts at OPENLY fixing the problem. You do not pull the rug out from under people at the last minute because your machinations didn't work.

Just had a dustup in the midst of Father's Day. I paid for the whole thing. I did not confiscate my credit card from the waiter and leave him without a wallet and no way home or banish his evil dd. I let Father's Day play out though I was seething. Later we had our words. In the open.

Lady, as awesome as you are, you cannot convince me that this is not also how you handle things. In the open, on the up and up, not attacking kids to get at your dh.

TwoOfUs's picture

But everything you're saying is ALSO exactly how Gunner is behaving toward his wife. Why is it OK for him but not for her. You say you agreed to treat DH and his daughter to a Father's Day dinner...got into a fight...but didn't back out. So why is it OK for Gunner to back out of his promises to his wife just because they are arguing. With little to no notice?

Also...people keep saying that she should handle things better...and I totally agree. But, I also think that men mis-hear and misunderstand a lot. Or just plain don't listen or forget. I continue to think that nothing like this just appears on the scene out of nowhere. I know that I've openly and clearly said the same things to my DH over and over again early in our relationship, and it seemed to make no difference at all. Then, I got a little crazy and I'm sure DH thought "this is coming out of nowhere!" Then, suddenly...it seemed like one day DH 'got it' or at least chose to believe me and everything got better nearly overnight.

I guess I'm just saying...we don't know what his wife has or hasn't tried in order to resolve these issues. This level of anger doesn't come out of nowhere, and Gunner still hasn't told us what her actual complaints are about his kids.

ChiefGrownup's picture

You have skipped a step. SHE was the one to withhold money for the vacay at the last minute. This had the effect of breaking all their financial agreements. Many contracts are written this way i.e. if you miss a car payment they can revoke your use of the car. I don't know of any contracts where one party can break it but the other is still held completely to their end.

So she is the one to leave him in the lurch first. If he had not reacted with some consequences he might as well have hung a sign around his neck that says "Mrs. Gunner's ATM."

*Tiny irrelevant postscript* It wasn't dinner, it was an activity, a bit posh, we had our own suite and the waiter comes around frequently as you do the activity. I thought of it because it was sort of like a 1/2day-vacation. SS was there, too. Fight was SD maneuvered to marginalize me at my "own" party (I was the hostess) and dh did nothing. So it all seems pretty similar to me. I was paying for something for HIS kids and him and I got the shaft. He was not prepared to handle all the arrangements because I was the one to arrange it all with the understanding I would pay. So the similarities jumped out at me. I did end up telling him NEXT time I am simply not going with her for FD but he can arrange to celebrate with her as he wishes. This seems fair and adult to me because I am giving him a year's notice (not one weekend) and I am not cutting his daughter out of her time with him.

notsofast's picture

No. But he gave her zero notice of this change before right when it is due and he is angry with her. He is changing the usual agreement because she isn't bending to his will. And she IS TRYING. She filed for child support, like he asked. What has he done that she has asked?

That is why it looks controlling and jerk-like. Pay this deposit and let her know the next one will have to be worked out with their Dad. That would be setting boundaries and still not leaving her in the lurch. If she had zero notice about the deposit, then she hasn't been saving for it.

TwoOfUs's picture

That doesn't seem to be her position, as the rent-free house wasn't on her list and she's fine with him paying for half of their private school - neither of which seems to be court-ordered. I'm also sure that she's fine with him spending on them directly when they are with him.

Her issue seems to be "cash and checks" that he's handing carte blanche to the ex.

robin333's picture

I don't see this about being financially independent or not but rather control and power.

I would never tolerate DH supporting another woman. Income and penis size be damned.

TwoOfUs's picture

If stepmom is buying groceries every week as well as household supplies, I wouldn't consider this "barely anything" to her stepkids. Groceries for three teens would be a significant expense. If it's correct that she does the majority of the grocery shopping, she is likely paying more for Gunner's kids than their own mom.

Yes...Gunner is also paying more for his stepkids than their own dad...but I honestly don't see what he's doing for stepkids that's so extraordinary. A deposit for school once a year and letting them live in a house that he already owns because he married their mom? That doesn't seem "significant" at his income level.

Groceries for FIVE kids...a household of seven...when you're making 40K? That is actually pretty significant. Different perspectives, I guess. I can see why his wife would feel resentment in this situation.

TwoOfUs's picture

He said she buys groceries and household items. You're right...he didn't specify and I'm not saying that Gunner never runs out and buys a gallon of milk. I'm sure he does. But he said that she buys most of the groceries, so I took him at his word. Just like I took him at his word that he does a small deposit for his skids private school and she makes the monthly payments...while many commenters repeatedly turn that into he's "totally supporting" her kids and she has the gall to be ungrateful!!! I'm just going on what he himself has told us rather than a personal vendetta against stepmoms or some kind of fantasy that she and her kids are living the high life on his dime. That's not what he's said...

Thumper's picture

YAWN

Isnt this the same guy who left his kids at home the Friday night OF Fathers Day Weekend. Remember, his wife and he went out with their friends? It was a good time for all.... They came home around midnight and sat outside until approx. 2am

Wifes kids were fighting first thing in the morning. Wife went back and forth maybe 3 times to deescalate the situation. This guy gets up, Makes Breakfast on Fathers Day all the while wife stays in bed? This guy wrote it was his fault his wife was hung over. ?????

Will everyone please go BACK and read all of the posts he authored?

:?

CREW CREW CREW

yolo222's picture

Gunner. My prediction is that unless you can start treating your wife as a number one priority your marriage will NOT last. I'm sorry my friend but you need to realize that once u get married u and your spouse are a team. You are not a team with your ex and kids. You are there to raise the kids and parent but your wife comes first. Make changes and make them fast or it will be over. I was in your wife's situation and I left. I suspect she will do the same eventually.

WalkOnBy's picture

they would if that DH had been paying those expenses all along and is only withdrawing his money now because she is being honest about her feelings about his kids and ex-wife.

Controlling asshole, party of one, your table is ready.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Have you ever gotten a piece of peach stuck in your nostril? From snorting? FARKING OUCH!!!!!!!!!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

~groan~

WalkOnBy's picture

that's exactly my take away, too.

That, and these are two people who should never have gotten married.

Livingoutloud's picture

If you marrry someone who makes much much less than you, it's unfair to refuse to help them with their bills. It's wise not get married then. If op makes ton of money as he previously said but wants to give all excess to his ex wife rather than help his current wife, then why did he even get married???? Especially got married to someone who makes much less?

WalkOnBy's picture

Yup - when DH and I first got married, my salary was less than his, but my overall income was waaaaay more, thanks to a YUGE amount of CS. Over the years, his salary has increased waaaaay beyond mine and of course, the CS stopped after the Things graduated from high school.

We don't do the "you pay yours and I will pay mine" bullshit dance. We live in a house together, we have a life that we have built together and we pay the costs of that house and that life equally.

You are either partners, or you're not...

WalkOnBy's picture

he has already said he will pay for all of his kids college and graduate school. He will let his XW live rent free until the youngest kid turns 25 :jawdrop:

WalkOnBy's picture

I disagree. This is the plan that he agreed to, it wasn't some judge telling him how it was going to be.

Tell ya what? Let YOUR DH support your BM for the next 11 years. Then let me know how you like YOUR husband supporting another woman.

Keeping a house until your adult kid is 25 is one thing. Letting your XW live there while these adults are presumably away at school is just plain stupid.

Livingoutloud's picture

So op wants to pay for them until they are 25? Say what? He is planning on them
still be dependent and live with mommy at 25? Huh? Instead of arguing with his wife he'd better start parenting his kids so they aren't immature losers at 25.

My DD had graduate degree and professional job and most certainly she wasn't dependent on mommy and daddy at 25. Who is still living with mommy at 25???? He plans his kids still live with mommy at 25? Wtf

I also find it silly that people whose kids didn't even go to college suggest that op supports his kids until they are fine with grad school. Crazy making

WalkOnBy's picture

this was my argument on the original post.

At 25, an adult should be living on their own and paying for themselves.

when my DD was 25, she had a husband, a mortgage and a baby on the way.

WalkOnBy's picture

she's the wife.

what rent are you paying, HR?? How thrilled would you be if your husband (assuming he exists) was letting another woman live rent free in a house he owned?

Livingoutloud's picture

I agree that he is certainly a crew, it cannot be real, but I am just amazed with some people's responses. I heard some stupid shit on here but my new favorite is saying what an awesome idea is to support kids and ex wife until kids are 25. Pretty much it's an awesome idea to raise kids unaccomplished and unsuccessful living with mommy at 25.

WalkOnBy's picture

That's one of my big issues.

Who the hell is proud of 25 year old adults who can't support themselves??

SacrificialLamb's picture

I am trying to do some math here, because I think this story is complete fiction.

Child support costs $4000? That's pretty hefty, but not unheard of. No idea what state it is in, but suppose it's a state that still applies a flat percent for the NCP based on the number of children. Illinois, for example, where I believe the percent for three children is or was 32% of NET income or something like that. So that would estimate his take home pay at $12,500 a month. Not bad. But let's reduce that by $4000 a month, and you're left with $8,500. Reduce it by the $1,000 he pays his ex-wife and you're left with $7500 a month.

Then lets look at private school education. A conservative estimate is $1000 a month per child. So for his own three children, $3000 a month, bringing the $7500 down to $4500. Don't know what the remainder is for skids after DW pays the deposit, but I have a very hard time thinking he can afford a fancy lifestyle with the remaining $4500 paying for 1)remainder of his skids private school, 2)paying for his own home (funding DW and her kids) and then 3)paying for the home where BM and his children live for free. And God forbid anything be left over for savings, retirement and the kids college.

I am just calling bull$shit.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Yup, DH and I were high wage earners at one time, and it was when things were cheaper. Only two kids who were minors. And we had one house. I could not have afforded to send two kids to private school, much less 3 + half of 3. And save for college on top of it. And pay until the kids were 25. Just no way. If these numbers are real, Gunner, enjoy working forever and hope you don't get aged out of a job.

MrsZipper's picture

That's impossible. You can't put 3 kids in private school, at least none of the ones near us, on a 200k a year salary, let alone support 2 households and pay CS and extras.

WalkOnBy's picture

When Thing2 was in private school, it was 20K per year. And that was middle school. AND, Asshat had his three kids in the elementary/preschool for 10K a pop...

TwoOfUs's picture

But he never said what he made...just a ballpark and he also said he has investments and family property. Seems at least the house his ex lives in is paid for...his income level vs. his inherited assets could be two very different things.

MrsZipper's picture

If he has significant family property that he owns free and clear and is renting out this is possible. Just not on 200k a year.

TwoOfUs's picture

My DH's parents make a significant "income" on the interest from their investments. They don't spend it...but they could and still have their principle.

momof3smof2's picture

I hope you get into therapy soon as it sounds like you're on the fence. I wouldn't need therapy. She'd be getting divorce papers from me.

TwoOfUs's picture

lol.

In HRNYC world, SMs should just be slaves to their DHs and skids and shut up about it already! How dare she want to have a baby with the man she loves...surely, if she does, her ONLY reason is to ensnare him!

Paranoid much?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I'm running with scissors!!!!

While wearing 5" stilettos.

And they're on fire.

The scissors AND the stilettos.

Almost 300 comments on this blog. Crikey.

Hennypenny's picture

Oh ffs. Do a household budget and split expenses based on income. Buy your kids a damn unicorn from your remaining funds if you want. Stop droning endlessly about the amazing lifestyle to which your kids are entitled. Stop talking about how you spend money on your wife because you like to "spoil her."

Sweet jeebus, it isn't this freaking hard. Babies could figure it out.

yolo222's picture

Gunner... for the love of God and all things good in this world. Be a man and become one with your wife in all ways. Including financially. If you don't your marriage is over.

What boggles my mind Gunner is that you have the ability to fix this. But you won't. I would leave you if you were acting this way. Marriage is suppose to be to have a partner to become one with in all way. Finances in my opinion should be shared. Decisions made together etc.

Good luck.

oh and I would love for your wife to come on this site and tell her side of the story. I feel like you may be omitting some details.??

Lit'l Bit's picture

As I read each comment my view changes but what I always come back to it the current wife is still getting the shit end of the stick.

What Gunner is doing for his ex and his kids is what we all would like the NCP to do. But he is going above and beyond what should be given to the ex. the extra money, the rent free house and all the extra's that the kids want. The ex is really only paying for food and utilities. She works. She surely should be able to pay for many other extra's. I get that Gunner wants to have his kids maintain the lifestyle as if he and his ex were still together. He should have never remarried.

Mrs. Gunner also works, has her kids with her as custodial parent. I would imagine that she was single for some time and was not living the life style that Gunner has lived and has provided to her. She should have been getting CS from kids biodad. I don't think she is a gold digger. I don't think she truly hates the Skids. I do think that she feels less than. As others have said she should be number 1 priority in her marriage to Gunner. I think she feels she is 3rd or 4th in the line. This is not fair to her. If Gunner is spending all his time, energy and money on the ex and his kids where does that leave her.

Gunner should take care of his kids. He also brought another family into his life that he should feel some responsibility for. What if Mrs Gunner was poor middle class. Now as it has been said she is UMC. This means a whole other life style. Means different clothes, different everything. If she is having to keep up with the joneses on her current salary for her and her children, Gunner is going to need to chip in. Gunner's kids were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. No changes needed. So Mrs Gunner now has to plan for a Switzerland vacation for the whole gang when before she could barely afford to take her kids to Disneyland for the day. Mrs Gunner sees all of this money going to his ex for her comfort but is struggling to keep up with her current status.

That would be enough for frustrate anyone. Gunner is using money as a tool to gain power in both houses. Mrs Gunner was a single mom. We all know what she is made of. So on top of feeling less than she has to step up to the Crest she is currently living. Pretend like she fits in. Let the spoiled brats run her house her life and beg for a tiny morsel for her kids. This is all before expecting CS from her kids biodad who is working a little higher than minimum wage back in poor middle class land. His CS payment would only pay for the pool boy for one weekend at Gunner's house.

I don't think it would be hard for me to say I don't want the skids around. Again the problem is not the skids it is Gunner and Mrs Gunner's communication skills. Neither of them are being upfront and honest with each other about their situations or feelings.

Acratopotes's picture

Gunner, my 2 cents

see comments next to her counter

*No extras period, no cash no checks nothing beyond child support - fine, but I will open a trust account in each child's name and deposit money in there for them to do with what ever they want - see maybe your wife thinks your kids are spoiled, seems like they are, but heck you can afford it, maybe it's time now to teach them about money management.

*She wants me to pay for half of private school for my kids and not 1 cent more - again, I will pay half of my kids stuff, not only school but medical, clothing, sports etc.

*She will file for child support, she filed last week - thank you honey

*She wants me to go back to paying her bills - Oh HELL NO.....

*She made her own therapy appointment to help her get over the resentment (her word) of my kids

twoviewpoints's picture

Gunner, when you and future Mrs. Gunner were preparing to marry and doing your pre-nup, why didn't you do all this 'who pays what' and 'whose kid/s get this and that'?

Being how the after marriage 'I hate your kids' negotiating is being offered and countered offered, it's ridiculous to think the pre-nup back and forth were not as meticulously drawn up.

Perhaps your next chapter in the Gunner Saga could be what my ex and my divorce settlement was (why didn't BM get the house in the settle instead of this silly 'until the last one graduates' ). And also what the current Mrs. Gunner gets if she dumps your *ss tomorrow from the pre-nup.

$200,000 plus a year minus everything ex got and still gets (including the ex and her children with you), in addition to everything current Mrs. Gunner would get in the event of divorce. It just might be an interesting exercise as to just how pretty (or ugly) all your story characters and yourself are sitting when this marriage blows up.

I'm thinking the only people still smiling and standing would be your two ex wives and all five children.