I have a son who is 15. He will be 16 in October. He is a pretty good kid. He is not perfect, but once you correct him on something, you don't have to ask again. He does what is asked the first time. I know this because not only am I with him at home, I am also with him at school because he goes to the small high school where I teach. I see him interacting with other adults/teachers in addition to myself.
DH has a son who is 12. He does not do what he is told, but I am disengaged and ignore his flaws. I have gotten pretty good at ignoring over the last 5 years. His behavior has also improved a good bit since we got together, but he still has to be given very basic instructions and also will NOT do what his dad says on the first time. DH has to repeat himself 75 times. I ignore.
Well, things have been pretty peaceful the last 6 months or so. Suddenly, though, my DH is obsessed with nitpicking my DS15. First it was that DS15 was up too late. I handed down DS a new rule about that, and he has not repeated the behavior and has followed the rule.
Now it is that DH thinks DS takes too long of showers. Every dang time DS goes in there, DH is obsessed with keeping up how long it has been and making snide comments. Keep in mind i do not make ANY comments about his son.
So I thought the shower thing was petty and was planning to make a household 15 min rule or something but had not gotten around to it. Well, last night DH flipped out on myself and DS while and after DS had a shower. I refuse to argue with him or even talk about it because I know how it would escalate, so last night I slept on the couch and ignored him and today decided to think things through on my own and make my own decisions and arrive at my own conclusions.
Well, you can bet I will now be the shower police. I gave DS a new 15 min rule, but like I told DH, SS also stays in there forever. DH beats on the door when SS is in there too long but SS still keeps staying and doesnt do what he is told. It is my fault that I had not addressed it with DS yet because I found it petty but was going to address it with both kids when we have them both. I just had not done so yet.
I told DS to just start taking a bath. Then he can stay in there as long as he wants (It is the use of water that DH is griping about). I mean, we have separate money and split our bills in half so I contribute to the water as well and have not seen a spike in use, but whatever.
But I will be timing everyone DH myself and SS in showers at 10 min. I will alert DH when 10 have passed when SS is in there so he can start getting him out because it will take 5 min of repeating himself at least to accomplish that.
I just don't get it. Anyways this morning he apologized for the rude way in how he addressed it and flipped out. I told him I don't mind him addressing things but it should not be handled in the way he did it. I still have not really accepted the apology. Maybe I have gotten to the point to where I feel I don't have to immediately accept things. I want to think about my life etc and come to grips with things myself. I don't want to be rushed into everything being suddenly like nothing happened. I want to be left alone about it for a while.
So this blog is probably very much rambling. I guess I just felt like venting.