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I'm numb...

GreenEyedSM's picture

Well I developed a plan this morning that I will disengage & just try to get through the next 18 months until I finish my Bachelor's Degree...
I already engaged!

DH & I have no kids this weekend for the first time in a month. We decided to go out to eat because we have had a gift certificate since christmas that we wanted to use, & I did not feel like cooking. Through out dinner DH hardly said two words to me. I we talked it' because I initiated conversation, asking about his upcoming photo class, etc. It felt odd & strained. Then as we waited for the check Dh was rubbing his fingers & stretching his hands out. I noticed something was missing.... his wedding ring! So I asked where his ring was? DH said "I haven't worn it for a week. I took it off last week because I woke up sweating in the middle of the night & my fingers were swollen". I just looked at him... he had what appeared to be a smirk on his face. Then he proceeds to say, "And I'm not sure where it is, I think Anna (the cleaning lady) put it in a drawer or something". I felt like I was boiling hot & about to scream, so I calmly got up, grabbed my purse & coat & went outside. I felt like screaming & thought I was going to cry.... but I didn't. I just stood there... numb. I don't think my body can take anymore of this shit... I'm just numb. even after three hours.

I would have left his ass there if he didn't have the keys. I waited for him to come out, got in the car, drove home & still have said nothing to him. Of course he has said nothing to me. I know this was intentional, he was just waiting for me to say something. He knew this would bother me because he has never not worn his wedding ring, even after scuba diving he would change & put it back on.

I don't think I can deal with this anymore. I am going to have to suck it up & get a divorce again. I just feel like such a failure.


CadysMommy313's picture

I can't say that I blame you. I would be upset if DH wasn't wearing his ring too...
*Hugs* Good luck...

Most Evil's picture

GreenEyes, you are so sweet and I fear you are being run over by a freight train honey. Isn't your SD b-day party today?

I think you are way overdue to go absolutely apeshit over how your DH is treating you. I think he needs to be taught to respect you pronto, or just go ahead and break up - and I never say that! He is being an absolute ass!

I want to tell him off myself! If he lost his ring, he better go buy another, stat, before EVER DARING to invite BM in your house! honey, this is just way, way too much.

Are things better this morning?
“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

soverysad's picture

There is no friggin' way he'd be going to a movie with bm and bringing her back to MY home whilst not wearing his wedding ring. I would tell his smirking, egotistical, disrespectful ass to take the party to Bm's house where they can play house all they want and that he can stay there. You are not a failure - HE IS!!!! Please don't allow yourself to be treated badly simply because you worry about what others will think. I think he is a little full of himself. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Take your ring off and don't participate in his little triangle party this evening. I think he is LOVING the attention of two women. Tell him he is taking SD7 with him to the damn movies because you are not his maid / babysitter.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

GreenEyedSM's picture

Hi Ladies. The B-day party is actually this coming Sat night. I'm trying to take one day at a time right now. Most Evil- I am no saint, but I do believe I am a genuinely nice person, and I definitely feel like I am being taken advantage of. I do feel like I'm being run over by a freight train... again, again & again! I do think about leaving but I also think about my kids & sd's. My BD11 is extremely close with SD10... it would break their hearts. My BS9 would eventually be ok because he is really not that close w/ the SD's. I also love my SD's & they love me, which is a miracle since BM is such a complete bitch to me (only oldest SD has recently noticed a little). Soverysad- I think you are right... he loves the attention from two woman. He is full of himself, always has been. When we first met it was more of an attractive confidence. Over the years it has become a very unattractive conceited, which is not even accurate! I will not stay because of what other people may think, I just really will feel like a failure if this marriage doesn't work out. I am not a perfect person, but this would mostly be from DH's actions & lack of boundaries. But I would still feel like I should have know better to believe things would change after we got married.

DH did go into the bedroom & find his ring & put it back on as soon as we got home that night, not that it makes anything better. The next day he said he was sorry, but didn't understand why I was so upset. Of course he says he just forget because he kept it off for a few days cuz his finger was swollen. I just let him talk... he knows why I'm pissed, and I think he did it intentionally just to upset me.

I went to lunch w/ my mom on sat & we had a long talk about what is going on. I am extremely close w/ my mom & tell her everything. I feel blessed that I have such a caring & loving mom. My mom had a lot of issues w/ my dad early in their marriage. He was basically an alcoholic, although a functioning one. When he would drink he was a mean drunk. Not physically abusive but loud & verbally abusive. He always left my brother & I alone but my poor mom was usually the target of his meanness. She stuck it out & they've been married for 38 yrs. I think he stopped drinking when I was about 14 or so. Things were better after that.

My mom thinks I should try & deal w/ this until I finish school. She really wants me to be more secure & prepared when I leave. She does not want me to go back to the same job I had before I got married. She said she would help if I felt I had to leave soon. I know my parents would do anything for me, but I really want to support myself & stand on my own. Talking with my mom really helped me process everything. I think I can hang on & sick it out until I finish school. I am going to disengage from anything that has to do w/ BM. I will still interact w/ sd'd but I will not go to any events that she is at anymore. There will be no more events planned at my home that she is allowed to attend. I will not speak about her w/ DH. If he has an issue w/ her, or she has an issue w/ me, I don't want to hear about it. Basically I am going to treat being a wife as a job for the next year & a half... If things don't get better I will get a good job w/ my new degree & leave his ass! Smile

I know easier said than done but wish me luck & strength! And remind me to hide the kitchen knives on sat or I may be tempted to shove one up BM's fat ass!!!! Biggrin

soverysad's picture

Luck and hugs!!!

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

starfish's picture

you have a plan........ step number one....

my dh sometimes takes his ring off due to swelling ---- and sometimes forgets after a few days....... but i know it's genuine and he's not screwing with my head... if you're sure he did it to hurt you, forget yours once in a while..... and see if he likes it...

and good for you, the less energy you put into things/people you can't control, the more energy you can put towards GESM stuff..

best of luck....hope things get better for you..

Most Evil's picture

Oh, well of course you know what is best for you honey. I am not even saying you need to leave, just that you could maybe make things better by putting your foot down, and stay with him. But what do I know?! Me and my DH bicker quite often! I really hope it works out for you dear
“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

unbelieveable's picture

Where hhaavvee yoouuu been : ( we need an update - I've been thinking about this since you posted!