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grayskies's picture

so dh came home last night from work and we talked briefly. he admitted that he is under a lot of stress, is very tired, and is short tempered. he is working two jobs right now, while also studying for a series of work exams. i understand this, but its still taking me some time to forgive his words and actions. i'm just hurt, more than anything. he said that he loves me and that we need to find a therapist. i agreed to this, as i love him too, and things are out of control. we sat outside together and watched the meteor shower, in peace and quiet-no talking at all. this morning, we had a longer talk, including the fact that we rarely disagree or argue, except when it comes to the skid situation. we cannot find solutions to the skid issues we have and its creating so much stress. we both left for work.

i came home tonight to find a message to me on fb from bm. i am not her friend, nor am i friend's with the skids on there. obviously, one of the skids told her how to find me. the message basically said that *i* need to get over myself, and if i think i am so high and mighty, she will come and get ss, so that he can have a family who actually loves him. at first i laughed, and then i was so angry i couldnt see straight. i have raised her children while she was off drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping with the whole town. she has never worked a day in her life, and lives off money from her parents and grandparents and whatever boyfriends she can find. she has never paid a dime in child support. she is a queen of the PAS behind dh's back and from afar...dh has full custody and she has no leg to stand on. the first time i met her, she told me all about her and dh's sex life when they were married, and pretty much embarrassed herself in the process. ss even said the day he got home from his summer visit, that one of the reasons she wants him to move in with her, is that "she could really use the child support money". she is a hateful, spiteful nutjob who i have been fortunate enough to have very few encounters with. i went to her page, and found a conversation going on between sd19, bm, and ss, talking about how poor little ss made an innocent mistake in tearing up my garden, and what an awful mean person i am. i did not respond to her message because i know exactly what would happen, and you all know it too.

this is the last thing in the world i needed. i do not want to tell dh about this, as i cannot handle any more fighting with him. while i want to scream at ss and tell him that his mother needs to mind her own f*cking business, i cant. she is his bio, but everything she says is meaningless until the day she actually steps up and decides to be a parent. she has always just been the person that calls the skids periodically and stirs up drama.

i love dh with all my heart. i am hurt right now and angry with him. but i love him dearly. however, i would not do all of this again in a million years.

Comments

Hopingforthebest's picture

Greyskies I can so relate to the kind of BM you have...

I have been told that I need to stop being so sensitive yet when it goes around the other way she is texting DH that he needs to encourage the kids to want to talk to her and then they call and she hangs up on them maybe its just me but could never fathom hanging up on my child ever I mean who is the parent? And I am accused of being too sensitive by actually talking to the kids about their/my feelings and trying to work it out!

Its so hard when you truly love your DH I know because I do too!

And the only things we ever fight about are her and Skids also...

I just want you to know that you are not alone and that I can so empathize but don't give her that power over you hopefully things will get better with time!

LizzieA's picture

GS, you seem like a great person to me, with a good head on your shoulders. From BM's ignorant message you can see what you are dealing with. Typical low life manipulative BS. I hate to say it, but it looks like things are coming to a head with your DH. SS is lining up to be another child-adult who will live off his parent forever. (see other blogs on here with this situation). The flower bed thing was directly hostile to you and NOT a mistake. If DH would rather bend to SS's demands than be your husband and partner, then HE is the LOSER big time. I too have troubled SKs and the difference is, DH sees their crap for what it is. BM is the enabler.

I'd go to a counselor (have before, believe me) and get your head on straight what is acceptable and what you want, and then present a plan to DH, namely counseling together to fix this or him getting a grip. Overlooking your birthday and telling you it is over can't be ignored. You deserve respect and to be cherished. He's lucky to have such a committed and hardworking partner. Hope he wakes up in time.

grayskies's picture

thank you, everyone, for your responses. hugs to all of you, as we go through this together.

i was wondering too, about therapy for myself, and then for dh and i. i feel like i'm torn in too many different directions and i can't deal with all this happening at once. its just too much. and dh, with all of his stress on top of it....i feel like i'm trying to change something thats been in place for a very long time and is not ever going to change. i've realized a few things in the past few days. bm is a skid too. i never knew that. so she has learned early on how to manipulate, and she's done it well. how many of you have grandparents that bought and paid for your house? her life is bizarre to me, and the skids are following right along behind her, with a lot of guilty parenting by dh. btw, ss has been out every night since all of this happened...in fact he comes home to eat, and thats it. i'm not even saying a word to dh about it....i have to make some decisions about MY life first. for now, i guess thats how dh wants to deal with it. but my life is in my hands and i get to make those decisions for myself. and i'm too old to be letting other people influence or bring down my happiness. that part is up to me.