Seeking advice. I’ve been with my DH for 4 years. I have 4 kids (11, 9, 8 & 5), he has 1 son (10). BM spoils him to the extreme to make sure she is the “favorite.” Buys him whatever he wants, takes expensive trips (DH and I cannot afford this and she knows that), picks up after him, indulges him.. (which he has told me and DH that we need to do for him as well. And he was quickly corrected that no, we do not). BM even sleeps in his bed with him at night (which honestly is a little weird to me). He is constantly told he is the best by BM, no one is better than him, everyone loves him, and if they don’t then something is wrong with them, etc. I’ve witnessed the kid screaming at BM at a ballgame and she just sat there and let it happen. On top of that, she puts stuff in SS’s head trying to turn him against me and DH. I am constantly told “My mom says I don’t have to listen to you because you’re not my parent” or I am completely ignored when I ask him something. DH does all the punishment but he will say to him “you’re only punishing me because of HER.” SS constantly picks on my kids and makes them cry with how ugly his comments are and when I ask him to stop he says I “better stop fussing at him for no reason.” Recently, he has started calling me names (“Jerk”, “fat”, etc.).
I do everything I can to make sure he feels included and part of the family, even waiting on making plans until his days with us. All 5 kids are treated equal across the board and we’ve made it clear to them: same rules, same punishments, same expectations.
I cannot blame DH at all. He has always been first to correct and punish SS when he is out of line. The child is in counseling but him and BM lie their way through it so not all of the issues are even being addressed. Plus, we have to be “delicate” with how we correct him (we have 50/50 custody) because BM is looking for any reason possible to take him from us completely and I know that would kill DH. Honestly, and I feel guilty admitting this, sometimes I think it wouldn’t be so bad...
I don’t know that I can take another 8 years of hell with BM and SS. Four years of it has caused me enough anxiety already. I can’t even enjoy my life when he is here because I am always on edge about what is going to happen, and how my attention is going to be taken away from my own kids with having to handle something SS did/said. DH and I have a very solid relationship but it is wearing on us both.