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Moving in ... over night stays rant ...AGAIN

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

We've not officially moved in yet. However, he moved in on the 15th june. I'm waiting because DD8 has learning difficulties and has been put forward for a "statement" at school, which should get her extra help in class. It takes 6 months for them to study her case and return a verdict of what help (if any) they will give her. We have about 4 months left of this deadline. But we have a lovely little rented 17th century cottage together in a lovely little village, all ready for DD and I to move in when we get this statement verdict to take to dd's new school (or apeal when there).

All sounds fab. All the (s)kids are happy, they love the place, and ofcourse, fdh and the skids are eager to start overnight stays...

Ive been worrying about this, in my last blog it was concluded that I was being unfair by saying that he should wait rather than jump headlong into having them over before we are ready, and without having any written agreement of new contact arangements with BM. Hes not had them over night in 2 1/2 years and me saying he has to wait longer seemed unfair.

So we agreed that we will get some bunk beds sorted out and he can deal with BM as he sees fit. We've not had time to get the beds yet, but last sat he says to BM that he wants them over this coming weekend without talking it through with me (he will also need my car to do this, and I now live 40miles away from him, and he lives 11miles from his kids).

She says to him "I'm not discussing this on the doorstep! Call me in the week and we can discuss this." - sounds reasonable, except for the fact that this is the line she uses in front of the skids, before hurling abuse at fdh when they arent around and telling him he cant have them, while telling them HE has let them down.

So hes basically just given her time to think up a reason as to why he cant have them.
Also bare in mind she has now refused to go back to mediation twice (even though SHE requested it in the first place) and we cannot afford to take her to court for access and she knows this.

THEN after jumping headlong into blurting out that he wants them, without thinking it through, or being prepared in any way in the first place, he realises that hes working nights ALL weekend, and so cant have them anyway!!! So hes just given her more ammunition and a genuine negative comment for BM to give to the kids as to why they arent spending the nights with him, even though they are desperate to stay over...


The other issue is that I dont want her to have our address. -I dont want her to turn up on our doorstep, barging in claiming that "as the mother she has a right to know where he is taking HER children" as she did with his last place.
I imagine that if she wants it, she can google the name of the cottage and where it is because the SKIDS will tell her anyway. Plus its the sort of thing she has used before to cut access (over not having his work phone number). I told him to tell her that he would be happy to discuss any queries like this at mediation (so he can tell her in front of witnesses that he is not legally obliged to give her the address and if she discovers it and turns up even once, I will call the police and have her removed!!)

The trouble is, fdh's attitude is "anything for an easy life" - But infact by giving in to her, hes just making a rod for his own back... or should I say OUR backs!!!