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Hi ! So I joined this site because like so many of us it seems, I have issues with my step childrens BM!!! Grrr

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

To be honest, shes been quiet for a while now. Since xmas when we were forced to call social services about her conduct towards her children. But it is a constant worry to me as she seems emotionally unstable and the children are often frightend to go home to her because they say she beats them and they never know what mood she will be in when they get there. She has made effort not to fly off the handle with them so far it seems, or at least the children havnt reported anything so maybe they have just been told not to say anything!

She became so obsessed with wanting to meet me when I first met my partner 18 months ago that she kept on at the 7 yr old to make me meet her, and the girl got so stressed out about it that she started to loose weight and get emotional and over sensitive about EVERYTHING, and was lashing out and kicking her dad often!! All the while going on at the daughter about meeting me, the bm kept refusing for months to actually meet me!!

Anyway, that is just a couple of examples of what I have been dealing with. As well as getting abusive text messages from her when my partner lost his phone and gave her my number as an emergency contact number. (and threated his access if he didnt provide a contact number because she decided she didnt want to email anymore)

My latest concern is about how to handle the kids birthdays. Our daughters are the same age. Last year my daughter went to my partners daughters party at her bm's house. I hated it and dont trust the woman not to be nasty to my daughter because as i mentioned before she is emotionally unstable and flies off the handle regularly. I was fuming that my parnter left my daughter alone there to pick up the pizzas and so cant trust that he will watch her around the mother. The mother has since said nasty remarks about my daughter too, and has even threatend my partners access to his children if they have any contact with myself or my daughter again. (we ignored said threat and she never followed through.. but did stop access briefly on the 27th dec...but thats another story)

Both the kids came to my daughters party and my daughter wasnt invited to my partners sons birthday. I was pleased about that. But now his daughter is turning 8 and wants my daughter at the party at her house. Luckily this year it is on the day before mothers day so I have a legit excuse for her not to go as we will be with our family. But what about next year? Or the year after that? I would prefer if my child wasnt exposed to this woman but it is also important to me that all of our children are friends and get on well.

How do I put an end to party invites without hurting the childrens feelings? I think it will start to become obvious when we always just happen to be busy on the day of their parties....

What would you do?


Kilgore SMom's picture

We also have our own party. So tell SD and SS they will have a party at your house and can invite friends over. This pass Oct. was ss birthday and it was the first party that BM attended of ours and it was because she has sv. It was the last too. Thats another story. LOL

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

Sorry, im new to this. What is SV?? I have said to my partner that we can celebrate SD's birthday the following wknd and do something nice. We dont live together yet (moving in this year hopefully) and my daughter and I are at my parents house and he is in a house share so house parties are not an option right now, but its defo something to think about in future. I like the idea of doing our own party, that way he doesnt have to go to her house either! Like xmas, we do on xmas eve with his two. The kids defo noticed that my daughter didnt get invited to SS party. SS thought he wouldnt get an invite to my daughters party because of it and SD has insisted to BM that my daughter is invited to her party.

stressed_step_mom's picture

Separate parties are better. If the kids says he wants bio mom and bio dad there...tell him/her that if they have separate parties it means more guests, gifts, ice cream, cake, ect.

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

I just put the seperate party idea to him and he really likes it! Were hoping to move closer to the kids, like the next village over so having some of their school friends over for a party shouldnt be an issue. Smile
Thanks Smile