BM you're a friend, not a mother, and it's sad.
My SD9 has a snapchat (for family only) and I posted something just now to see her be the first one to look at it. Its 1130pm. I just can't with BM. She treats SD like her best friend, she really does. She doesn't treat her or talk to her the way a mother is supposed to.
We have had many issues because of this. She is the kind of BM who has told SD lies ontop of lies. BM has even said that she can't get a place to live because "your dad doesn't give me enough money so now mommy is homeless" (living with various family members and occasionally the boyfriend)... but she can buy herself a brand new car. Even SD noticed and commented that it was wrong that she bought a car when they dont even have a house.
She is the BM who lets SD stay up until 2am, ever since I knew her even at 6 years old, and act however she wants. She is the BM who throws out the photos SD takes of her life at our house when they end up over at her house in a backpack or something.
She is the BM who had the nerve to tell SD that "[SM] isnt your mom so she should stop acting like she is" when BM at the time was dumping SD on me/us for WEEKS at a time and would refuse to pick SD up on her weeks because she had better things to do, leaving SD bawling her eyes out. Sorry I took care of your daughter and actually care for her when you decided to be absent. Shame on me.
That comment was all because she didnt like that SO AND I BOTH enforced a 830 weekday and 10pm weekend bedtime for SD by the way. SD blamed ME in particular for her early bedtime to BM and I rolled my eyes. She used to stay up ridiculously late with SO AND BM until I showed up and explained to him why that was ridiculously irresponsible, so we both agreed on a time schedule. I do the bedtime routine with her because she likes how I read stories... I guess that all combined got me blamed...Haha. Its whatever.
I care for SD emotionally to an extent and command a sense of respect for the rules in our house but besides that, I'm not heavily involved. I'm somewhat disengaged. I stopped trying to be some happy little family a long time ago. Just enjoying my own life while they do their thing, truly not my problem.
BM barely ever saw her own daughter until it was convenient but now all of a sudden tries to make up for it by giving SD whatever she wants, picking her up as soon as she can almost anytime she complains that we are "so mean" (which is maybe 2 days into anytime she stays here), giving into all cry baby crap, and so on and so forth.
SD used to be SOs mini wife and SO played guilty Disney daddy but, with my help, he is generally long past that acts like a fairly normal father. Now the miniwife syndrome has transferred to BM.... and I cringe. SD is a master manipulator just like her mother to the point when she manipulating BM. They both manipulate eachother truly. I'm watching it all unfold from the sidelines... and I feel like SO somewhat is too being that his many attempts to get BM to be a better mother have long failed. Grab your popcorn.