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Habitual Liar ex-wife

Girlfriend's picture

Submitted by Girlfriend on Tue, 05/01/2007 - 5:43am

Hello - I am happy that this site exists as I need some advice. I am seriously dating a man with an angry ex wife. They are both angry and do not communicate. She walked out on him and took the daughter. She left the son. He is 47, she 38. They have been divorced for 2 years. He has custody of the son (9) and she custody of the daughter (5). There are lots of sports the kids are involved and they see each other regularly. I live 3 hours away and visit on the weekends. There is always drama, eventhough this is the most laid-back guy. We were highschool sweethearts, and now back together after 30 years. I have two kids of my own 16 and 13. Their dad is not in the picture. What am i getting myself into? Any advise?

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Krissy's picture

Submitted by Krissy on Tue, 05/01/2007 - 1:32pm

...is totally spot-on. Don't fix what's not broken. I know that you must love this man and clearly you want to be nearer to him, but think long and hard before you uproot yourself and your daughters.

If you do decide to go, my advice would be to first find a job that you like (assuming that you need to work) AND a place of your own for you and your girls. This way, you can still be near to him, but you can also have your own space. Also, the BM will know that you are around and you will get a firthand peek into what it's like dealing with her on a regular basis. Make a life in that town for you and your daughters that exists outside of this man and his drama, so that IFIFIF things get to be too much, you have roots where you are and a life that does not revolve around him in this place...that way, you won't feel the need to run away from your new home and uproot yourself all over again.

FYI, I moved away from my home and family (about 2 hours) for DH so he could stay close to his son and I did the exact opposite of what I advised you to do. I made them my life and my daughter's life and now that we are getting divorced, it's like starting all over. But the few roots taht we do have are strong here and we will stick it out. I just know that it would've saved a lot of pain and heartache had I been better prepared for this life here.

You will hear both horror stories and success stories from SPs. I have learned that the outcome of a blended family is usually NOT based on the BM (or BF) and her ability to act like a civil human being, but the strength and committment of the marriage. The fact that you are coming here to seek advice tells me that your inner voice is nagging at you some, and that's a sign that something isn't quite right. Again, think it through as best you can until that voice is quieted and you feel like you are making the best choice for everyone involved.

Good luck!

Girlfriend's picture

Submitted by Girlfriend on Wed, 05/02/2007 - 3:10am

Thanks for the advise. I feel that you have all learned from experience and that your thoughts are "right on". I truely love this man (and have for the last 30 years), but the ex wife in the picture adds a whole new dimension . I know that she will always exist and i'm trying to get used to the idea. I also know tha my boyfriend, may have a reaction that I'm not expecting, when she remarries or decides to settle down with someone. With so much activity with the kids, it seems like they are still married sometimes, and I am the other woman. I sincerely appreciate the comments.

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Wed, 05/02/2007 - 9:19am

When I met DH, he and BB were in the process of divorce (it was supposed to have been final!!)

Anyway, I lived over 2 hours away. That was a GOOD thing! We spent weekends together for 3 years before I moved (not my best decision) away from all my friends and family to marry him. He was worth it. His baggage was not. The angry ex is still angry after 10 years! The only difference between then and now is she has now turned SS, who used to be a good, sweet kid, into an angry delinquent who believes that his father and I are too strict. He's out of control. So is she.

If DH and I had lived closer together and I was in the thick of the angry Ex's ranting, I might have stopped the relationship. As it was, the distance gave me shelter and allowed me to ease into it.

No, I don't regret it..... most of the time Smile

Anonymous's picture

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 06/05/2007 - 4:38pm

I am hoping for additional advice or your experience with this situation. My boyfriend of 8 months has too children - ages 9 and 6. The nine year old lives with him and the 6 year old with the mother. They are all involved in sports and weekend activities. Through this, the children have stayed very close - which I commend both parents for. The problem I am having is that the dad (my boyfriend) always gives into the 9 year old. He doesn't make any plans with me - his out of town girlfriend, because the 9 year old may call for him to pick him up from the mothers. Our relationship is great in other areas, and this situation has always been there - but as we get farther into this relationship - it has started to bother me. If two families are too merge - it seems that the husband and wife should have the strongest bond - and not the father and son. Will this situation ever get any better? Or will it be worse as the son gets older? Please help!