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Birthdays for Step grandchildren

garfieldusa's picture

I am having a difficult time thinking about my step-grandchildren's birthdays. The oldest one (She is going to be 4 and when she was born I was there for my stepdaughter because her mother was too high to care.)spent the night with us last weekend and started talking about her birthday.

She was telling me what kind of cake she wanted me to make for her. She was telling me who she wanted to invite. She was asking me to buy her presents. She definitely knows what she wants! I had planned and paid for her first birthday. My stepdaughter was broke at the time and I was so close to my step-granddaughter that I wanted her to have a wonderful party. I admit I went overboard for a 1 year old. She doesn't remember it, except for seeing the pictures of it. Her second birthday was small and my stepdaughter had it at her trailer. Both of those birthdays were fun because I was still "Memaw" and the witch was still busy getting high so she didn't show up for either party.

When my step-granddaughter turned 3 last year it was just after the witch had decided she wanted to be in her daughter's life again and my stepdaughter allowed that woman to get my step-granddaughter to call her "Memaw". I was in no frame of mind to be anywhere that the witch might be so when my stepdaughter called to tell us she was having my step-granddaughter's birthday party in the basement of the witch's house my husband told her that we would not be attending. I was very glad that he stood up for me even though part of it was that he did not want to be around that woman at all either. He explained to his daughter exactly why we would not be there and instead of trying to change the location of the party she just said O.K. If she had tried to have it somewhere else, like at her trailer, we might have tried to attend even knowing that the witch would be there.

I still hate that I missed my step-daughter's birthday last year but that doesn't mean that I am prepared to be around that witch so I really doubt that I will be at her birthday party this year.

I just don't know what to do. I allowed myself to get so close to her from the minute she was born. I can't change that. I have held back from my step-grandson and the newest step-granddaughter to protect myself from being hurt any worse. But, should I just suck it up and go to her birthday even if the witch will be there? I have thought about maybe doing a special day with my step-granddaughter that would only include me, my husband and our other kids. I'm sure my step-granddaughter wouldn't mind having two birthday parties, though I would not call mine a birthday party, just a celebration.

The problem with all of this is that, if I do that this year what do I do next year? And, as she gets older what will I do? I hate this whole situation.

If my step-daughter had never allowed that witch to take my name when she had nothing to do with her own granddaughter until she was almost 3 years old!!! She wasn't at the hospital when my stepdaughter spent a week in there before the baby came! They kept her because her blood pressure was running high and they tried inducing labor 3 times before it finally worked on the 5th day. Never once did that witch show up!! She didn't bother to even see the baby until she was about 2 weeks old and then it was just because my step :? :? :? daughter had taken the baby to see her own grandmother and the witch happened to be there.

I hate this whole situation. I wish I had never gotten involved in my step-granddaughter's life. But I did and I love her more than I can express in words. That little girl means so much to me and the last thing I want to do is to hurt her.

Believe me, if you are in my position. If you have a stepdaughter that is pregnant. Just stay away! It's hard being a stepparent but I have found out that it is just as hard to be a step-grandparent.

Comments

whatwasithinkin's picture

I am soooo glad you have written this exactly statement : If you have a stepdaughter that is pregnant. Just stay away! It's hard being a stepparent but I have found out that it is just as hard to be a step-grandparent.

I have often wondered what I will do down the line when the position presents itself, if it ever does since I dont have a great relationship with SD now. So I am glad to be forwarned.

Cant you just do the simple cake and icecream maybe on a seperate day at your house for your stepgranddaughter?

garfieldusa's picture

Then I get my husband saying crap like, "You can go for a little while for "granddaughter" and just try to ignore the BM. Well, it's not him trying to do the ignoring. I have a daughter and he cannot stand my ex. I would love to tell him to just ignore him but the exasshole has nothing to do with my daughter.

garfieldusa's picture

No, there cannot be 2 memaw's. I was with my SD the entire week she spent in the hospital before she had the baby. The BM was too high to be there. Then I spent 2 years being there for my SD and step-granddaughter. I gave her gas money, I bought diapers, I babysat every time she called. I had talked to SD before the birth about being called something different from everyone else. The child was already going to have a granny elsie, granny re, granny ruby. I didn't want to be another granny-blabla. I explained to her that I wanted to be something very grandmaish but different and I told her to ask the biological grandmother's what they wanted to be called before I decided on a name. I did all of that and then picked Memaw after everyone else chose their names. It wasn't until my step-granddaughter was over 2 years old and had been calling me Memaw before she could even walk (she started talking early). Then that witch decided she wants to be in the child's life and starts telling her to call her "Memaw". The witch only did that because she was jealous over the relationship I had with this child. I do not ever want to be called the same thing she is called EVER!!!!!! My step-daughter should not have allowed it to happen so I blame her as well. She was so excited that her mom finally took an interest that she just let her get by with anything. She is still a druggie and doesn't ever babysit because my step-daughter can't trust her yet she can just take my name!! It's bull crap and it hurts my feeling every time I babysit my step=granddaughter to hear her refer to that witch as Memaw. So, no we cannot both be called Memaw, ever!!!

Pinki3663's picture

Every year usually the week of my birthday. My mother would take me to my grandmothers house and I would stay with her for the day. She made it special for all of her grandchildren. I was able to choose the place we went to eat and usually a small gift from the store. We did this until she passed and I will never forget all of my birthdays..I only remember celebrating with my grandmother.

garfieldusa's picture

Thanks, I will try this. I would much rather spend a day with only me and my step-daughter than to try and paste a smile on for a combined birthday party. I will try exactly what you said and I am sure my step-granddaughter and I will have some great memories.