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How to handle SS in military when he come home

Gapeach260900's picture

My husband and I got married 1 year ago and I only met his oldest child, his daughter who has two small children. I immediately fell in love with all three of them and we babysit for the daughter pretty frequently as she is a hair dresser and has to work on the weekends occasionally.  My husband's stepson is in the military and was deployed when we met and got married, so I did not meet him until this past Thanksgiving.  He also has a small daughter who lives with her mother on the other side of the country.  

I have 3 children.  The oldest 2 are grown and out on their own and my youngest daughter who is 27 lives with me and now my husband.  She is developmentally delayed and cannot drive.  She has a job and gets herself to work every day via Uber.  My husband and I are in the same industry but do not work together, although we met through work. 

My husband and I have been blissfully happy up until this past Christmas.  His son came home from the military on leave and brought with him his 20 something girlfriend from El Salvador and his 4 year old daughter who we were thrilled to meet.  My stepson was very vague about the time he would be staying at our house (we only have a 2 bedroom townhome) and I was completely unaware he would be squatting at our house for almost a month before he goes to Japan.  To make a very long story short, the granddaughter was visiting with us for 2 weeks - from Christmas day until January 9.  The other two - the stepson and his girlfriend have been with us the entire time.  They are complete slobs.  The son disrespects his dad, he won't come downstairs to visit when we get home from work, they sleep all day and are up all  night, they won't put anything away, dishes, trash, etc.  The stepson says he's strapped for cash because he pays child support, yet he won't live on base.  He requires a private apartment with a housekeeper.  Well, the S&$* hit the fan this morning when 


futurobrillante99's picture

Yeah no. Sonny boy can go get base housing. Toodles. Who exactly will be paying for his private apartment with a housekeeper?


justmakingthebest's picture

I understand what you think about base housing but it doesn't work like that.

CS is established based on his whole pay- Salary, BAH, Special Duty pay (if any), COLA (if any), BAS. If you live on base, they take all of your BAH. - if he can live off base for less than what his BAH is, he is better off. 

For example. My DH gets $ 2274 for BAH. Our Mortgage is $1887. So we "pocket" almost $400 by living off base (if DH paid everything himself). 

I am anxious to hear the rest of the story though!!!

Winterglow's picture

It sounds as if he isn't contributing to any of the costs of his stay with OP - so every penny is in his pocket. Not only is he disrespectful and a slob but he's also a selfish scrooge as well. Time to kick the bugger out.

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh I agree on all of that, but I wanted to let the OP why just "living on base" isn't always a solution. This also sounds like this was when he was on leave en route to an overseas assignment. Things get complicated for service members during that time- many will stay with family for those few weeks. 

That ABSOLUTELY does NOT give SS a pass to be disrespectful, lazy, a slob or anything else. He should have acted like a grateful guest in his father and SM's home. He should have helped out with things like groceries and cleaning for that month.