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BM fails to coparent

GamingBuddy's picture

Yet again we have an instance of BM failing to do the bare minimum to coparent. Oldest is in scouts and fees for summer camp are coming out which means the dates have finally been set. They are going SOs court ordered time. She never once told us the dates and has already started making payments. Now SO could be a d*ck and say too bad she can't go but the thing is we really aren't against being flexible because we know camp is good for the kid. We know she wants to go and we support it. All we asked was that we were told the dates. 

We are willing to be adjustable but she'll wait till the last minute then cry about him being a bad dad when she doesn't get every tiny thing she wants at the same time both kids have started to express they want more time with dad because they see where the conflict is.

BM bad mouths dad every disagreement. We say there was a breakdown in communication that is neither parents fault. BM says dad won't let you do this or that when we already have plans that the kids are well informed of so sorry they won't be at the last minute shotgun wedding for some distant family member.

As long as over all SO gets his time and we have time to plan it we're fine being adjustable and BM acts like he's evil for it. He gets 35% of the year so yes he's going to ensure he gets it. It's even more important now because both kids (12 and 9) have made it clear they want more time to the point the youngest last night flat out said he didn't want to go back to mom's. She gets mad because he gets larger clumps but he's offered to go back and adjust it to week on week off but that would mean equal time across the board and her losing control so nope she won't willingly do it.

We're saving up for a retainer for a lawyer but it's going to take while.


Harry's picture

Do DH have him for 10 weeks. 6 weeks 2 weeks ?   This really matters in the discussion.  As if he has him for the 10 week summer and camp is two weeks that ok. If he has him for 4 weeks then camp should be one week on BM and one week on BF time.  Any less then 4 weeks it's on BM time.

BM can not schedule camp on BF time,  it's not her time to schedule anything. She can schedule all she wants on her own time

GamingBuddy's picture

The camp is a week long and SO is supposed to get 6 weeks in the summer.

He wouldn't have an issue it being part of his time if he were allowed to go but BM signs up as a parent volunteer which means he can't. 

We're fine adjusting the exact time that is his its just she'll wait till the last minute then and 30 other random days or times she wants the kids and gets mad when we don't swap every single one. Last here she need 1 week for the camp, another because her sister was getting married, another because she wanted to go to Florida with the kids, another for something else, it never stops.

We work with her but she has a history of trying to claim he was a dead beat and not invovled with the kids that he refuses to lose time. The kids have also expressed they want more time with him.

Again we don't want her to miss camp. She wants to go. It would just be nice if BM didn't wait till the last minute.

CLove's picture

Here in Califorrnia the BMs have a lot of power. in our case Toxic Troll BM likes the time off so she can date.

I heard last weekend she got mad because she was late for a date because she had to do kid transport (on her time) lol. That 1% shes had to do transport...and she complains.

Thumper's picture

It's one thing to be understanding when emergent situation's pop up. I do not have a problem with that.

It's another thing all together, when you and DH have decided to be pulled around by BM.  There is a big difference.

OP stick to the schedule and parenting plan. A court order is in place for a reason.

Oh, and as far as dh not being allowed access to Scout info,,,your joking right? Go over her head. Heck if anyone gives you a hard time, go over ALL their heads. 

Keep us posted...