Would this be considered PAS?
I had a great day yesterday. The skids arrived Sunday night and were in a great mood. We all went fishing yesterday, and until a thunderstorm forced us to leave, we had a blast.
Before we made it to the pond DH needed to stop and get worms at a gas station. SD 8, SS 6, my BD 8, and I all stayed in the car. I ended up seeing some bumps on SS's leg and asked him if they were bug bites or a rash. Before he could even respond SD jumped and in and said that he needs to go to the doctor but daddy won't take him. My first intial response was shock. I asked her who had told her that her dad won't take SS to the doctor and she replied with, "my mom." I dropped it at that point and told DH about it later when the kids weren't around.
Would that be considered PAS? DH has never denied the kids medical care. Infact he provides the insurance for both of them and this isn't the first time she has made comments to the kids about DH that weren't accurate and didn't portray him as a good person.
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Yes, absolutely it is! And
Yes, absolutely it is! And these comments need to be corrected Pronto!
I agree. I'm not sure if DH
I agree. I'm not sure if DH spoke to SD or SS about the doctor comment but he did email BM about it. She'll of course deny it like she always does but atleast DH is trying to address it.
How do you address with the kids? I know that we can just say that it's not true but doesn't that make BM look like a liar (which she is) to the kids? Would that be a form of PA as well?
If you don't want to go the
If you don't want to go the straight up "Well that's not true" route because the kids are pretty young... I'd go with "Gee, there must be some misunderstanding." I'm more in the boat of calling a spade a spade. I'd just say, well that's not true. Any time you need a Dr, daddy is more than happy to take you. If it makes BM look like a liar, then it does. PA in this situation would be saying No, that's not true, you're mom's a liar and she's a big fat meanie head.
Correcting the facts of a statement like this isn't PA on your part. Though if you want to soften it, yea throw in a maybe someone mishead/there's a misunderstanding/etc
Lol. Love the meanie head
Lol. Love the meanie head comment. I think I would go for something a little more R rated if I were to say anything about her. Just not to the kids.
Yea I was thinking in kid
Yea I was thinking in kid speak.
But seriously, if SD came over and told you the blue sky is really green/red/yellow and you asked her why she says that and she responded "Because mommy said so", would you not correct her new misapprehension of color because it might make BM look like a liar? What if mommy says stoves don't get hot or vegetables are poison or that wearing sunscreen is dumb? You and your DH want what's best for the kids so you'd want to correct them so they don't burn themselves, eat terribly or get sunburn. Why is protecting their relationship with their dad any less important to their overall well being? If you let these comments slide (even if the correction makes BM look like a liar), it's the same thing as letting them believe that the dog won't bite them if you keep poking it with a sharp stick. The kid's going to get hurt. BM being a POS doesn't give her a free pass to lie. And while yes, it's good to be aware of the possibility of you and DH PAing the kids - you still need to correct the lies.
I agree 100% with you and we
I agree 100% with you and we have done that. I've corrected SD with a lot of crap BM tells her that's not true and we're constantly having to tell the kids that they need to do things like use mouth wash, do their nightly reading, and take their vitamins because BM told them that they didn't have to. If that's how she wants to parent at her house that's fine but at ours we have a different set of rules and BM's rules don't over ride them.
I believe it's a control thing and attention seeking behavior. I think it's just another way for her to try and insert herself into DH's life and let him know she's still around. Kind of a look at look at me sort of thing. Regardless, I think given the right research DH should be able to counter her attacks most of the time. Hopefully with her being pregnant she won't have the time to waste on such stupid things. We'll see.
Okay question since it is
Okay question since it is very similar to the topic at hand is it PAS if the BM is with holding medical care and with holding the ability for the father to seek medical care if the dad tells the kids he can't help and it's true? (except in an emergency because hospitals won't turn away but can't see a dentist)
I just don't get it. The BM
I just don't get it. The BM in our life is constantly trying to one up DH. I told both SD and my BD that next year when they turn 9 that we'll start letting them stay up until 8:30 (their bedtime is 8:00 at the moment) as long as they can handle it. Guess how late SD gets to stay up till now? 9:00. Whatever. It's not a big deal I just don't understand that mentality. She had SD convinced that her school journal was at our house a couple of weeks ago. Had her call pretty much everyday up until Thursday of that week asking about it and told DH that her mom said that we had it. The last time that she called DH said that he could actually hear BM yelling at SD in the background about the journal.
DH asked BM last night to keep the kids out of it. If she has a problem with something he's done or hasn't done she needs to address with him and not put the kids in the middle.