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Tonight's the night

futurobrillante99's picture

I settle on my house tonight and will spend my first night in my new home. Smile

Did the walkthrough last night. House is all set for me to move in. New carpet and Internet will be installed tomorrow. Storage pods dropped off tomorrow, too. Wednesday, movers come to move all my stuff out of the pods into the house.

Yay!!

Comments

Aniki's picture

Woo hoo!!! No more having to listen to stbx slamming doors, sniveling, etc. No more skid whiz on the toilet seats!!! Yahoo

futurobrillante99's picture

Halla-freaking-lujah!!!

Funny how the last 3 weeks there hasn’t been a drop of pee on the seat. Proof they CAN clean up after themselves.

stbX is looking at a townhouse with THREE bathrooms. Smart guy. Now each of them can have their own bathrooms to make messes in.

Aniki's picture

Do you suppose that stbx brought down the proverbial hammer on the pee problem? Or do you think the SSs were peeing, er, being, passive-aggressive?

futurobrillante99's picture

I think SS21 WAS doing it on purpose. I know of at least 2 occasions when we were the only people in the house and he left pee on the toilet seat when he hadn't done it in a while, before. And once, he ran to the bathroom to clean it up when his dad pulled in the driveway. I had already taken a picture of it, though. I think when he realized I was leaving, SS21 probably realized he'd better be on his best behavior or his dad would come down hard on him (as his dad was in a rather foul mood most of the the last 3 weeks).

SS18 hasn't been back to the house since he and I had words the day he brought his GF by the house during the day. I was still recovering from my surgery, if you recall. As far as I know, he may have come by to get clothes but has not set foot in the house since then. His father even commented yesterday that food is lasting longer - evidence SS18 hasn't been there.

stbX was also leaving droplets and I think it was done to be spiteful. This was prior to me leaving the house with my DD24, and saying I was going to get my own place.

I think everyone is on their best behavior because sh#t was getting real and they knew I'd reached my limit.

In my house, there are THREE toilets and I have one all to myself in my bedroom. Heck, I have them ALL to myself because no one will be living with me. I will only have to share when my kids visit. Happiness!!

Aniki's picture

3? Yippee!! Nothing worse than having to make an emergency bathroom trip and having to clean up before you can use it.

ESMOD's picture

So happy to hear this!  I just know you are going to enjoy the peace and quiet in your new home.  I know it's going to be so nice to come home after work and see that everything is exactly as you left it.. no other people mess to clean up!

I think the separation will do you good too.  I know there is still a glimmer of hope that somehow he will change... but I do sort of see this guy has gone through these cycles of repentance and falling from grace a whole bunch of times.  Now, maybe that would be ok if you were just interested in someone to casually date... where you weren't negatively impacted by the way he runs his life (kids.. finances etc).  But if you are looking for a long term equity partner.. well.. it is hard for a leopard to change his spots.

I think this new place will give you the space and clarity to see how lovely your life really can be.  I think I would suggest to him that you not contact each other for some period of time to make a somewhat clean break of things so that you can both find your footing without the other person's involvement in your lives. (perhaps there may need to be some communication.. like selling the house.. but impersonal and via email if possible).

 

 

futurobrillante99's picture

We've already moved to strictly email, so there's that. No more texts or phone calls.

I could make a list of our issues, but first and foremost is the breakdown in communication and the spitefulness. I told him he has to deal with them or there is no future for us. He has a year until we can file for divorce. If he really means what he said to me, I will SEE changes and he will be transparent about them, willing to apologize and make amends. Most important is that with the house sold, we will no longer have that to keep us together. We will be free to go our separate ways if nothing changes.

Not living together will be amazing for me - it will do me a world of good. My day to day life will be so much more stress free and relaxed. That's all I'm concerned with right now - lining my nest to make it a cozy place for me. My head and my heart will be clear and much happier.

I agree that we should do our own thing for a while after moving apart. I need time to make my house my own and he needs time to get our house sold and into his next house. I like the idea of taking the summer for each of us to focus on ourselves and limit communication so we can both think.

I believe in miracles, but I'm also a born skeptic. LOL I know they sound incompatible, but I have enough room in my skepticism to allow for hope.

But I've proven to myself that, at the end of the day, I WILL look out for myself if no one else is willing to.

 

Aniki's picture

I think the separation will do you good too.  I know there is still a glimmer of hope that somehow he will change... but I do sort of see this guy has gone through these cycles of repentance and falling from grace a whole bunch of times.  Now, maybe that would be ok if you were just interested in someone to casually date... where you weren't negatively impacted by the way he runs his life (kids.. finances etc).  But if you are looking for a long term equity partner.. well.. it is hard for a leopard to change his spots.

I was married to an alcoholic. We spent many months in counseling and I had high hopes. His 2 drink limit soon became 3, then 4, then 5... Within 6 months, he was right back to square one. I recently found out that, while he spent a couple of years "only drinking a 6-pack", he is now back to hard liquor and being a mean drunk.

futurobrillante99's picture

stbX isn't a drinker, but it's clear to me that, as a child and sibling and former spouse of alcholics, he displays some behaviors you find with addicts. They can be delusional, tell partial truths, lie by ommission, get really defensive when confronted about certain extreme or irresponsible behaviors, and are codependent.

He needs to get some things addressed - for his own sake. Not for me.

 

Aniki's picture

I used the drinking as an example of someone with a toxic habit/behavior. We know that your stbx has those.

He does need to get those addressed and FIXED for him to have a HEALTHY love relationship. From all you've written, I'm willing to bet he continues to believe that he and his behavior are NOT the problems.

futurobrillante99's picture

He has actually already admitted to a few things. He's still minimizing a couple things, but it's not like he's off the hook with me.

I am moving out. I have to do this for ME. I need to settle into my house and get our house sold to decide what's next. I'm just so glad he's not acting spiteful and making snotty remarks. It's made being at our house the last week better than tolerable - almost pleasant. But not pleasant enough to stay one minute longer than I have to.