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OT: Update and new challenge

futurobrillante99's picture

I recently returned to my house/town after a long stay with my SO. We had a lovely 2+ weeks together, went on a 6 day bikepacking trip that put over 200 miles on my bike. Our typical mileage was 30-50 miles per day with a couple short days to rest. We saw plenty of wild life (rattlesnake crossing the trail) and so many wild flowers. We camped 2 nights and stayed in B&Bs or Airbnb's the other 4 nights. It was very civilized and the weather was dry and warm - we had a drop of two of rain, but nothing to interfere with our trip. If we could have ordered up the perfect weather, it couldn't have been better. We had a total of two flat tires - one each. Other than that, there were only minor difficulties and I had a little chafing/discomfort that may require a upgrade to my bike seat.

The rest of my visit, I worked remotely and we enjoyed a nice mundane routine. I took a couple days off prior to the holiday weekend and we got in some regular bike rides and did a LOT of gardening. There is a bay window at the mountain house that looks out on the side yard (which is like everyone else's backyard). The view right outside the window was of a little hill that was kind of barren with some weeds and dirt. I undertook the effort to transform it by adding an elderberry bush, some daisies, coral bells and another plant I can't remember the name of. I also moved some hosta lilies into the gaps (while the perennials fill in), and I added a hydrangea (love those), added a spirea, and moved a peony bush from out of the shade and into the sunlight of the garden. Then I mulched it and added only one annual: Lantana. It turned out really beautifully and it's such a pleasure to look at from many angles in the house and yard. SO got inspired and we got several more plants on our next outing: viburnum, lavender, butterfly bush, etc. A lot of what we planted is intended to attract pollinators to the vegetable garden.

We really had a lovely time together, but the next month is going to be a challenge. I think I'm up for it because I feel very secure in our relationship and the last couple weeks did a lot to solidify that. I was made to feel like it was my home, too. I felt very comfortable and very much included in his life up there. I've joined his cycling group and he's made it very apparent to all concerned that we are a couple and whenever he speaks about the subject wherever we go, he says "we bought a house" or "we moved here."

The next month is going to be a challenge because he's leaving soon to drive cross country for a cycling event in the Rockies. He has to get there well in advance to adjust to the altitude. It's a multi day and difficult event. On either side of his trip, he'll be spending time with a childhood friend, hiking and riding, and having a blast.

I'm so happy for him and it's honestly a very attractive thing to be with someone who has the means and inclination to go on exciting and challenging adventures. I've never been with someone like that. XH1 was (and seems still is) very clingy and needy. I would have LOVED it if he would have gone away for a month so I could just breathe. XH2 couldn't afford to do anything like this and requires too much constant attention and adulation to do anything solo or without an audience.

I realized that I've never been apart from a significant other longer than 2, possibly 3 weeks. I can't remember if my daughter and I went to Europe for 2 or 3 weeks. But, then again, I had been married to my XH1 for over 20 years at that point, and time apart is often very welcome at that point. LOL

SO and I had talked about me flying out to visit him at the end of his bike event, but his friend is riding with him and has planned a non-stop itinerary. Even though his friend encouraged him to bring me on out at any point, there really doesn't seem to be time in their schedule for me unless I want to participate in some grueling hike that is like a death march. I had even offered to fly out near the end of the trip to drive back with SO, but he didn't seem too keen on that, so I dropped it. At this point, airfare is going up and there seem to be a lot of insane people on airplanes of late.

And because SO doesn't like to be pinned down to particular dates for his itinerary (he's retired - he has no constraints), I'm going into this month assuming that I'll probably see him in early July, but I have no clue when he'll actually return. I'll keep myself occupied. It's an adjustment, but I think I'm up to the challenge. LMAO

I know it's not the end of the world. LOL And I am genuinely happy he's doing something that will be a whole lot of fun for him and physically challenging. He'll be on cloud 9 - this is so good for him. I want to be supportive because he would be VERY supportive of me if I wanted to do something like this.

I'm just keeping myself busy, keeping my expectations for communication very low because he will be busy and may not have wifi or cell phone signal. I'm sure if he wants to talk, I'll hear from him. But, I plan to just keep myself busy studying for a certification exam, spending time with my friends and taking care of things at my house. He's encouraged me to spend time at the mountain house while he's gone, and I will be up there two weekends this month with a friend and one of my kids. Being there will be "like" being with him, so it will help.



Stepdrama2020's picture

All of this sounds good. Luv this post.

I wondered why I hadnt seen you on here, and now its because you were living the good life.

So happy for you. Seems like this relationship is flourishing along with the planting at YOUR mountain house.


futurobrillante99's picture

Thank you. I feel very much at home there, so that's a good start. I'm content with that for the time being.

Thanks for being kind and supportive.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

He sounds like a very adventurous guy. Good for you, it's exciting when you get to spend time with someone who just enjoys living life.

futurobrillante99's picture

Thanks Wicked. It's really been an evolution over the last couple of years. When we first met, I could see that he had the capacity to grab life with both hands, but he was still haunted by his grief and he seemed to cycle through frequent ups and downs. He's made a remarkable shift and is much more steady with his moods. If he gets into a moody place, it doesn't last as long and doesn't appear to go as dark as it used to.

This move to the mountains has been life changing for him and it would be dumb of me to not be supportive of that and his adventures. As much as I like spending time with him, I will be supportive of his adventures (within reason) if that means it sparks his joie de vivre. He burns as bright as the sun when he's excited about something.

caninelover's picture

I'm tired just from reading about how active the two of you are!  Good for you and I am glad things are settling in for you at the mountain house and in the relationship.  Good for you!

futurobrillante99's picture

You're too funny. It's nice to be so active and he's very supportive and encouraging to me because he's a stronger cyclist than I am. He's got a better mental game for those grueling rides and elevation changes than I do. I will work on it, but I don't aspire to do the grueling rides he does, though I'd like to be able to "hang" with the riders in our cycling group in his town.

Thanks so much caninelover.

I may be posting here a bit more to help myself sail through the next month. SO will be so busy and doesn't have the best cell phone plan, so my expectations for communication are very low. It helps to keep my expectations low so I'm not disappointed but the lower comms will make the next month less easy.

Oh well. I had an unsupportive mate in my first marriage and I don't want to be THAT person.

Thanks again for the support.

Ispofacto's picture

There's a lot of synergy here, you two seem to be good influences and have a common desire for healthy lifestyles.  It seems like the happier he is the easier it will be for his grief cycles to come less often and last shorter.



futurobrillante99's picture

Thank you, Ipsofacto. There is a lot of synergy in our relationship. We're still navigating how to balance the needs of the relationship with the needs of the individuals, but that's to be expected. Even though we've been seeing each other for 2 years, the first year was spent mostly on working through our respective personal issues. Our 2nd year together was probably more like the first year a typical couple might experience.

We continue to progress, individually and in our relationship. Progression is a good bellweather for future success. Only time will tell. I think I've probably grown as a person more in the last 2 years than my entire lifetime.

So thankful for this place.