OT: Feeling "homeless"
I'm probably hormonal, but I'm certainly having mixed feelings.
I'm excited that the day after tomorrow my DS30 and I are buying a gorgeous historic house nearer to his new job. I'm happy that we're on a joint venture for him to have a lovely home in a great area for a young man like himself that is ALSO a good investment for me.
We spent Saturday prepping for the movers coming tomorrow. I have rented a small moving truck and we have hired helpers coming to load 3 rooms of furniture on the truck. I'm sending my living room, dining room and bedroom furniture up to the house. The DR furniture is too large for my current house but will fit perfectly up there. It is an Amish made farm kitchen table that opens up to seat 12. I've never had the space to open it all the way but it should open perfectly at the new house. My LR furniture will also go well up there, and the bedroom furniture is for the master bedroom which I hope to eventually use as an Airbnb.
It was bittersweet unpacking my china buffet and realizing many of the things I've owned for 20 years will be going to a house that I'm not going to be living in. What really struck me was that I felt HOMELESS.
I'm currently staying at my BF's house - have been since mid October. It's his house and I'm a guest no matter how you slice it. In my home for the last 2 years, it might have been crammed with stuff from the house I raised my kids in, but it was all mine. It's been my sanctuary and refuge; I was surrounded by the things that held meaning for me.
Now I'm shipping a bunch up to the next house and I've listed my master bedroom for rent. I already have an interested prospective tenant.
What I will have for myself in this house is the basement. I'm going to have the movers move my sectional sofa from the basement to the living room and I'll turn the current family room into my bedroom. My office is in the back part of the basement, currently.
I could stay in 3 different places but nothing feels like home and it just made me feel very sad. My best friend has agreed to come over in two weeks to help me transform the basement space into MY little refuge. There are no dividing walls between the front and back of the basement, so I will find someone to build me a temp wall.
I'm moving into my basement so I can rent out my bedroom and between that renter and my DS24, I'll have my mortgage covered. My DS30 is paying rent at the new house and he's advertising for a roommate(s) to cover that mortgage. So, I'll essentially be mortgage free, but feeling very homeless. Isn't that crazy?
I know I have tons to be grateful for and this will allow me to save heavily for retirement so I can retire early, but, right now, I'm just kinda blue.
BF has said his new house is for us. He can gush quite a bit about that, but then gets reserved.
I've made myself a couple of promises with regards to that:
- Until he's ready to commit to me, I will only visit his mountain house
- I will not move anything into that house and will show up to visit with my bags, taking everything back home with me
- I won't invest in the house emotionally or finanically until he's proposed, fully makes that house my home and has taken steps to ensure I can live there after his death or he adds my name to the deed
- Finally, he has said his new house will have an open door policy to my friends and family. Once covid is no longer an excuse if I find out that's not true, I would have to end the relationship. I need for my friends and family to feel welcome to visit me in MY home
In the meantime, I'm going to pour my energy into myself, my health and my peace. I'll visit him when I can, but I'm not going to make any plans to live there. That means I'll be turning my basement into home sweet home in the next couple of weeks.
Has anyone else felt like a guest or in limbo in their own home or house with a significant other?