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Ghoulish SD

futurobrillante99's picture

BF (new guy), got back into town yesterday after sitting vigil with his dying MIL from Thursday to Monday. She passed Monday afternoon. He spent a couple days with FIL to help him out and be a sounding board now that FIL is also a widower.

On to the GhoulSD. Background: BF's wife died 4 years ago. MIL is his wife's bio mom and FIL is her stepdad. FIL has a son and daughter (ghoul SD). The Ghoul is in her 50s or early 60s.

GhoulSD got her butt up from Georgia right quick to "help her dad (FIL) out" during this difficult time.

GhoulSD and MIL had a strained and unpleasant relationship, but the Ghoul introduced herself to nursing staff as MIL's DAUGHTER, promptly giving orders and endlessly manipulating dear dad.

Once MIL was placed on hospice with palliative care, the ghoul campaigned hard for her pain meds (with a coerced FIL) to be increased because it was “so cruel” to let MIL suffer. Thing is, MIL was resting peacefully - no signs of pain, but her breathing was shallow and infrequent through the weekend.

By Monday morning, there was a sign that MIL was struggling to breathe. The Ghoul and FIL immediately start telling MIL it's okay to go on to the next life because all is well. (Hurry up and die, basically).

BF was asked by FIL to look into cremation services and found one that was reasonable and could provide services that day, but the Ghoul argued that $1800 was too much and they should shop around. Unless you prepay, there is an upcharge for same day service. What ensues is the Ghoul researching cremation services, talking prices to MIL's presence. Even I know that the dying often hear conversations and these people were discussing her cremation in her presence and haggling over prices!!! FIL ultimately chose the place BF had found. FIL is well off.

The Ghoul spoke of all manner of topics in the presence of MIL, much to the chagrin of BF and his DD30. DD30 was so hurt and angered by the callous commentary and bossy, know it all behavior of the Ghoul, she had to leave the hospital room more than once. She went home Saturday night because she couldn't take it.

FIL mentioned to BF that MIL was wearing her grandmother's ring and she wanted it to go to his DD30. The Ghoul protested saying something along the lines of it not being automatic that it goes to DD30. When MIL died, FIL and the Ghoul made a nurse take the rings off of MIL's fingers - they wouldn't touch her after she passed.

Soon after MIL's death, the Ghoul began gathering things up to clear out - show's over, folks! That night back at FIL's house, the Ghoul made it known she had an interest in many of MIL's valuable possessions and would stay around to "help dad" clear some things out after BF left to come home.

The Ghoul never left BF and FIL alone for long. The two men went on a hike.........the Ghoul had to go, too. BF if pretty sure the Ghoul was there to protect her interests and didn't want FIL making any promises to BF. MIL had property in her name that was supposed to go to BF and his wife.

Interestingly, just before MIL finally passed, the Ghoul had pulled FIL out of the hospital room for a walk, leaving BF alone in the room with MIL. He sat holding her hand and not long after the Ghoul and FIL left the room, she breathed her last.

Knowing what he's told me about his MIL and her relationship with the Ghoul, I promise you that feisty MIL was holding on until the bitch Ghoul left the room because she wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing her die.

It's a damn good thing I wasn't there because I'm a blunt bitch. I would have called out the Ghoul on her crass and insensitive behavior, asking her to take her ghoulish reparte OUTSIDE the hospital room.



futurobrillante99's picture

BF says FIL told her to cut it out a few times but she pushes forward and disregards all. He says she talked incessantly and it drains him, but he felt like someone had to be there on MIL’s side. I’m so glad he was or the Ghoul would have rushed MIL out of this life much more quickly.

ESMOD's picture

A will... all of the property should be either titled appropriately to pass on to someone... or insurance policies should have beneficiaries.

All property otherwise goes through probate before it is distributed.  If FIL takes or allows ghoul to take any items.. or his DD.. he is stealing from MIL's estate. (or Ghoul is stealing).

That ring?  it should be in the will.. and it goes to whoever it was left to.  If all assets went to FIL.. then HE can decide if he wants someone else to have an item.  BUT.. wait for probate before he does that.


futurobrillante99's picture

BF believes FIL is wise to the Ghoul’s intentions. But he’s vulnerable right now and she’s taking advantage of that. FIL is the executor of MILs estate. But that doesn’t stop the Ghoul from “disappearing” some valuables.

ESMOD's picture

TBH.. executor or not.. he is not supposed to be passing out assets before probate process.  If the ring was listed in the will.. then it goes to who it was listed for.  If everything was left to him.. he can distribute it afterwards.  Before the probate process.. things really shouldn't be allocated.. even if it was the deceased's wishes.

NoThanks's picture

Wow! Sorry you guys are going through this. It’s utterly disgusting how people value money and possessions above human life. 

futurobrillante99's picture

It's so ugly. I've seen it in my own family. People get weird when there's a death and stuff to be had.

I'm not really involved - I didn't get the full details on what he was dealing with until he got back yesterday.

What he did say was that he would NOT want that - to linger for days while people rudely discussed him as if he wasn't human.

I promised him that, if we were together at a time he fell seriously ill, I'd do what I could to keep the ghouls away, even if it meant we had to get married so I'd have the final authority. Let's hope that's many many many years away.

Chmmy's picture

Im sorry you got caught up in this mess but at least this time it isnt your mess! Glad your bf has someone like you to talk to at a time like this.

I know DHs death is going to be a shitshow with these skids. He's only 42 so we got a while. I hope 

CLove's picture

Sounds horrible! Ill bet that MIL was tortured by her in life.

Glad that she had a friendly person to be with in her final moments.

Chmmy's picture

I was thinking the same thing that she was probably a shitty SD and now she wants daddeeeee to give her the ring. Obviously she wanted your boyfriends daughter to have it. I guess I'll have to keep that in mind someday that I dont want my SDs to have anything of mine. I dont have any nice jewelry besides my engagement ring and my engagement ring from my bios dad. I guess I dont have anything worth fighting over lol. Im a pretty simple girl.

futurobrillante99's picture

If there is something you don't want them to have, you have to make sure it is locked away somewhere like a safe deposit box so their grubby hands aren't grabbing at them while you're on your deathbed.

OR, gift the things you want to give to people to them while you're still alive!!

Jcksjj's picture

The stories on this site such as this one have made me really think about preparing for such circumstances. Unless I die unexpectedly most of my things will already be where I want them to go. I dont even trust having a will.

ESMOD's picture

Barring being able to give things in person while you are alive.. at least a will is the official record of where your posessions should go.  If they are not distributed per your will then the executor has not acted appropriately.. if things are taken before probate.. the people who rightfully should have gotten the items have legal recourse and the people who stole the items can be charged etc..

So.. even if you don't think a will is that effective, it is the legal record and is what could be used to bring charges on the thieves and be a way for the intended recipients to lay legal claim to items.

Chmmy's picture

This story has made me want to get a secret will but I dont think I have anything worth taking. I have my cash hidden in my dad's name and my son's name. My son will be the executor of my estate. I only have 2 sons. Sad that I cant let my husband be executor because of his nasty manipulative children

thinkthrice's picture

ALL the finances are in MY name ONLY.  Chef is not good with money.  There's NO WAY he's going to give one cent to those ferals who would start milling about if they knew I was gone.

shamds's picture

my uncles wife was there with my dad and uncle when drs ask if we want life support turned off as she’ll die soon. My dad is the eldest child and before my dad or uncle could answer, my uncles wife says to turn it off. 

She was out of line and hubby told the dr a firm NO!. That bitch froze in anger as she’d never been told no.

anyways when her own mum died my uncle told the family how the kids were all downstairs discussing how her property would be split and momentarily some of them would go up and come back down and say “the old cow hasn’t dropped dead yet”

i just can’t imagine how people find this behaviour perfectly acceptable.

op how horrible your sd having to sit through that, like you i would have choice words for the sd and i would have gone as far as to call the nurse and have her kicked out as not being family. What happened to letting the dying be at peace

i hope your dh manages to get the jewellery intended for his daughter. 

My mum passed 6 years ago and my brother and his wife knicked off with all her money and jewellery to pawn off and go on shopping sprees and even renovate their home

my brother even went as far as to suggest creating a fake will to avoid the excessive govt costs dealing with probate i think its called when there is no will. My dad told him off that half of everything should be split with me.

my brother never shared a dime and at the time i told dad mum always told me you really find out peoples true nature when family die and that to fight over the money/property puts the soul of that dead person at unease. 

I told dad I didn’t fight my brother for anything because i am a firm believer of karma. 6 months later dad calls me to say your brother was made redundant from his job as the company was going broke.

my dad few months ago was real sick and begged me to fly from overseas so i bought a ticket that afternoon and flew out the next day. The morning i landed dad was admitted to hospital and my brother didn’t come even after his friends told him. My dad has said he wants to will everything over to me (our childhood home and everything in it along with the money in his bank acct) because he could always rely on me to do the right thing whilst my brother was in it for the money but never stepped up 

the positive thing i’ll say is karma, it may take a while but its nasty when it comes. 

One of my cousins was a nasty bitch meddling in people’s marriages, even kidnapped her nephews from school without permission because stepmum was abusing them and her own brother didn’t know anything about an abuse and she was out of line. What was her karma, while she was busy causing issues her husband died on a business trip overseas, after burial she goes to the insurance company who say his wife collected it already. She calls parent inlaws who admit he remarried 6 months ago to wife#2 and insurance says they paid out to a legal wife in their country (legal to marry upto 4 in their country) and my cousin needs to sort it out.

she was left penniless and her parent in laws didn’t even tell their new dil to pass some money to their only grandson, the hatred for their mum overwhelmed them and my cousin was in absolute tears as karma finally hit her and guess what? She’s still a nasty bitch and hasn’t learned anything 

futurobrillante99's picture

Though not as ghoulish as this situation, BF's deceased wife's bio dad died a couple of years ago. When bio-FIL and MIL split up, bio-FIL remarried. step-MIL had 2 kids, but she and bio-FIL didn't have children together.

Let's give fake names to people. bio-FIL will be Bryan, his son and daughter will be Cody and Audrey (BF's deceased wife), and the step-MIL will be June.

Cody is the executor of Bryan's will. June signed a pre-nup and was not supposed to receive the entirety of Bryan's estate but enough to support herself with the rest going to Cody and Audrey and their families/children.

Well, it seems June has access to a LOT of assets and her own son and his wife have recently bought a million dollar + house in Hawaii where he's a nurse and she's a school teacher. Things that make you go hmmmmmm.

BF is pretty sure his DD30 will be overlooked as June never really acknowleged his wife or their child in favor of her own children. BF and DD30 don't care. DD30 provides for herself and her parents were pretty smart with their money. As the only child, she'll inherit whatever BF sees fit to leave to her.

You would think that Cody, being DD30's uncle, would ensure she got something. BF says they've never been close and Cody is only on Cody's side.

Regardless of how serious my relationship with BF gets, I have zero interest in anything he owns or his money. I cannot see a day when we'd ever have similar issues.

And we've already agreed that if we take the next step, there will be comprehensive pre-nuptial agreements protecting each of us, fully. The only thing I would be concerned about is if we were ever to buy a home together, I wouldn't want to have to move because he died. If we own it together, it goes to the survivor without exception. All the rest, I don't give a shit about.