What do you think BM is going to suggest and how do you think it should be handled?
For all of you who have kept up with the BM situation involving CPS, the custody battle, and the divorce this is an update and also me asking for advice. My bf still has not seen the children, it has offically been 3 weeks (yesterday) since he dropped them off at BM and she has refused to let him see them since. Since my last blog post, my boyfriend has talked to the children on the phone a few times and has also requested to see them to just be denied every time. Each time he calls to speak to the girls on the phone, BM puts them on speaker phone and is either driving with the windows down or is in a public place, which makes it so loud and hard to hear them talk, but also is a huge distraction to the children and much talking does not actually occur due to this, it is so frustrating and I feel so bad for my bf about this.
On Saturday night, before we were meeting a group of my friends, my bf sent a text for a third time in a week asking to see the girls for the younger ones birthday (which is today). Yesterday, the BM responded that she understands that he wants to see them on the daughter's birthday and maybe they can work something out for her special day. My bf asked me what he thought I should say and was also asking me what I thought she might suggest as "working it out." The response ended up being "what time can I pick up the girls on Monday?" The BM still has not responded to this question. My bf thinks she may suggest for him to see the children with her present. One reason being her being fearful he will do what she did to him and not let her see the children once he has them. Personally, I am not sure what she is going to suggest, but if she does let him pick the children up, we both agreed, he should just return them back to her as they having a temporary custody hearing Friday and want all i's dotted and t's crossed in his favor as much as we can. Which she will be served either today or tomorrow with this information. What do you all think? What is her angle on this?
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Yes, she will suggest that he
Yes, she will suggest that he sees them with her present, and he should agree to it, but in a public place. And he absolutely should return them to her if she allows him to pick them up (she won't).
He does not want to be anywhere near her
and quite honestly, neither do I, but I did not need to express my opinion about it because as soon as he said he thinks she will suggest that, he then followed up with I am not spending time with her with the kids, I do not want to be anywhere near her. So if she does suggest that, what should he say since he 100% does not want to do that. I don't think she will let him pick them up either.
He can ask that they meet in,
He can ask that they meet in, say, a McDonald's and she sits at another table. But he absolutely should not turn down time to see his kids in the middle of a custody battle. Believe me that will be spun to "he hates me more than he loves his kids" by BM.
I am worried
that being anywhere near her when he is there is she is either going to 1. try to provoke him somehow or 2. try and set him up somehow/spin shit... she got arrested for drugs not only on her, but in her system and she last week tried to pull the "you set me up" card.
She might try. He just has to
She might try. He just has to be non-reactive. Which may be hard, but he doesn't have much of a choice here. Not going could be one of the deciding factors a judge considers when determining the custody order.
Well after she didn't get the results she wanted
in the CPS and police investigation, then she called FAP (family advocacy program) which is essentially like a military CPS and made a report to them about the same thing she reported to CPS and the police. She is not afraid to get down and dirty and I don't want Friday to be screwed because she's trying to pull something else now, but also don't want him not to see the kids especially on the one's birthday
I get it. But he just doesn't
I get it. But he just doesn't have a choice. I suggest he bring someone as an eye witness as well. Just in case.
I think that is actually a great idea
his buddy has already said if he needed him for anything like that, that he would be willing to be there as a witness
Good. So hopefully they can
Good. So hopefully they can set it up. And DEFINITELY bring the buddy as an eye witness, just in case.
That didn't even cross my mind
but is a fantastic suggestion, thank you!
Yes, have his buddy go and
Yes, have his buddy go and sit with DH and the girls (or nearby).
Is there a 3rd party that
Is there a 3rd party that your DH and BM would trust to supervise the visit? Perhaps her mother or a relative of hers? That might not be as horrible for him and you as her sitting there.
Also, if she is going to be there.. I would suggest you allow your DH to make the visit alone.. fewer tempers to flare.
Neither of their family live in our state
However, like ProbablyAlready suggested, my bf has a buddy that has told him in the past if he needed him to be a witness or anything, he would happy to be there for him. So that is what we are planning on doing if she says she won't let him see them unless she is there. I would feel much more comfortable about it and he would as well if his friend was present.
Oh absolutely, I was in no way planning on being there. I still have not met her and today/before the custody battle is finished is not the time to be meeting her. I am torn about if she does allow him to take them and then bring them back about whether or not I should see them. I want to see them, but I know the BM is going to question what they did, etc. and saying they saw me with all this going on and leading up to the temporary custody hearing feels a bit risky.
I have a feeling that your DH
I have a feeling that your DH's buddy will not be acceptable to her..... and TBH.. in her situation.. I would want someone who was neutral to my side. vs your DH's buddy which is his friend.. and honestly could be complicit in helping your husband take his kids and not give them back.
So.. again.. I would be ready to have HER suggest someone because SHE is the one who has to be comfortable with this choice.. not necessarily your DH. She has the kids.. she has the upper hand here.
I think if she has to be present there for
him to see them, then him choosing his buddy to also be there as a witness is no harm no foul. Plus she does not necessarily need to know ahead of time either. If it is in a public place and she is there, it is highly unlikely he would take the kids and not give them back. Actually, if she does let him pick them up, my bf is going to take them back to her like she would want because he wants to look best in front of the judge Friday. Him doing the same to her is going to look spiteful and have the 22 days she has withheld them mean nothing. Plus not to mention the damage that would do to the children.
Wait and see what she
Wait and see what she suggests-if she declines him seeing them and offers her to supervise-then chose a VERY public place. I would stay home if i were you as to not trigger yourself, bm or him further. But YES to the idea of bringing his friend as an eye witness, record everything on camera if need be. Turning down time wont' look good, but the opposite could ALSO be said, that since he was agreeable to visits with the ex supervising and it went well, it can set precedence...as in-let's just move forward with this for now since it works. You guys are in a really tough spot, so sorry!!!
That has also been in the back of my mind!
I don't want the judge to say well you had a supervised visit and that went well, so from here until x you can have supervised visits with the children.
Oh I am absolutely not going! It would help no one for me to go, until the custody is finalized and divorce finalized, I am not going anywhere near BM. I suggested my bf to talk to his attorney since the hearing is Friday and what he thinks would be better. He said it would be best in your case if she refuses your request to see them. If she does allow him to pick them up then to return them to her because it shows he can be trusted to keep his word while she did not/has not kept her word.
Recording the visit would be a good idea too if that is the route it ends up taking. Thanks for the advice and support!
^^^THIS^^^
Definitely choose a public place WITH SECURITY CAMERAS.